Really, who am I?

Trying to put this album together is proving to be somewhat draining...I don't know if it is the process that is really draining me, but the thoughts about all of it, well, they definitely are.

I don't know the last time I felt so vulnerable.

I'm realizing how many times I've accepted an opportunity, because I'm confident in what I can do, only to walk away unsure of how it was received.

Some of you may think that doesn't sound much like the Jamie you know...but, you forming an opinion on my beliefs, well, that isn't uncomfortable for me, at all. But you forming an opinion on my beauty, or lack thereof, my abilities, or my talents, well, that's a whole 'nother ballgame.

I wouldn't consider myself an insecure person, in fact, I'm almost always too confident...that's where I get tripped up, you see. I feel as though I have a read on where I stand, how good I am, and what I can accomplish, so putting myself out there for someone else to possibly not agree, hmmm, it is slightly uncomfortable.

Humility isn't something I've always understood. But I feel as I matured, I began to realize how little my talent has to do with me...now how I choose to use it, well, I think that is where the humility comes into play. Even now, I want to be able to accept compliments without making a fuss...but it just feels weird...

As Amy would say...

If I cannot in honest happiness take the second place (or the twentieth); if I cannot take the first without making a fuss about my unworthiness, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

So who am I? A chosen daughter of the Almighty God, a help meet to a man who can't get enough of me, a mother to children who like to play with me, a vocalist who can carry a tune, a musician who can strum along...those things I am sure of...

But it's the others that leave me drained.

A daughter whose made her earthly father and mother proud? unsure...

A sister whose service to her family is notable? unsure...

A friend whose good intentions can be seen through a harsh tone, an offending post, or a disapproving glance? unsure...

A writer whose words can stir emotion, create conversation, and even trigger thoughts of change? totally unsure...

I'm having to think a lot about who I am so that I am careful to not portray myself, my songs, or my image in a way that is contrary to the consistent Jamie. This is proving tough. I just know that there are some things I'd rather be known for...and singing & playing music isn't at the top of the list.