Prayerful today...
Sin has been revealed that I have struggled with and questioned for a long time.
No place for guilt, no place for regret, I realize that grace has me covered.
It is an empty feeling when you are ashamed of things you've said, things you've done, ways you've behaved.
As empty as it feels, it is a good empty. A lighter empty. A load has been lifted. A chip removed from the shoulder.
I won't focus on Her...the flesh woman that stirs inside of me...I won't focus on Her desires...which are for the ways of man and not the ways of the Lord.
Thankful for revelation this morning...and for forgiveness...and for pumpkin bread, which turned out really yummy.
Now, how long before I am tested? Probably moments...God give me strength.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
Georgia on my mind
not really
But I do have other things on my mind this morning.
Why did I spend all that time cleaning yesterday instead of finishing my preparations for our first day of school?
Why didn't I get up til 7:15 when my alarm went off at 5:30?
What will this school year be like? hard? easy? stressful? fun? enjoyable? monumental? etched in my children's memory as the year mom completely lost her marbles? (halfway joking about the last)
What will this pumpkin bread taste like?
What songs should I sing on this CD? (going in studio this Saturday)
What do I name this CD?
What was I thinking booking a photographer to take pictures of me for this CD?
What was I thinking booking a studio to even do this CD?
What do I wear for this photo shoot?
What if I pay all this money to make this CD and no one buys it?
What if people buy it and are disappointed with it?
Why is this so weird and uncomfortable for me to even type?
Wonder if the rain will clear long enough for a walk this afternoon? if not, do I go to the gym?
Should I take back the black sweater I bought since I found a black jacket I like better?
Where did the 40 brand new school pencils go that were just in the pencil holder a month ago?
How can my children, who are getting so old, be so huggable, lovable, and squeezable first thing in the morning?
Yeap, may not be Georgia, but plenty on my mind today.
But I do have other things on my mind this morning.
Why did I spend all that time cleaning yesterday instead of finishing my preparations for our first day of school?
Why didn't I get up til 7:15 when my alarm went off at 5:30?
What will this school year be like? hard? easy? stressful? fun? enjoyable? monumental? etched in my children's memory as the year mom completely lost her marbles? (halfway joking about the last)
What will this pumpkin bread taste like?
What songs should I sing on this CD? (going in studio this Saturday)
What do I name this CD?
What was I thinking booking a photographer to take pictures of me for this CD?
What was I thinking booking a studio to even do this CD?
What do I wear for this photo shoot?
What if I pay all this money to make this CD and no one buys it?
What if people buy it and are disappointed with it?
Why is this so weird and uncomfortable for me to even type?
Wonder if the rain will clear long enough for a walk this afternoon? if not, do I go to the gym?
Should I take back the black sweater I bought since I found a black jacket I like better?
Where did the 40 brand new school pencils go that were just in the pencil holder a month ago?
How can my children, who are getting so old, be so huggable, lovable, and squeezable first thing in the morning?
Yeap, may not be Georgia, but plenty on my mind today.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
It's the little things
Isn't it?
They just come up out of the tall grass and bite ya!
Or...
They just appear in the sky with their unmistakable arch and color and make you sigh with appreciation of God's promises!
Which little things are gettin' at ya these days?
Little goods?
or
Little bads?
I snap at my kids for repeating little bads that I allowed my television to teach them.
I snap at my hubs for a little bad that makes me go from calm & cool to boiling blood in 2.2 seconds.
I lose my focus and complain for little bads that are laying around the house after I've worked to rid it of clutter.
I sink into a state of obsessive "what if" thoughts over a little bad from a close friend.
Why are theses little bads playing such a big part in the game of my life?
And why am I so stinkin' slow to notice, to see, to appreciate, the little goods?
I want to evaluate less and enjoy more, ya know?
These little goods are being passed up, they are being ignored, they are being overshadowed.
By what?
Not just by little bads. Nope.
By my flesh who is hungry for bad.
Oh Christ, I pray you'll continue to crucify my flesh so that my hunger for good cannot be satisfied.
Sure, I let plenty of little bads go, but plenty more are the goods that do not receive my attention. And there is a difference, because sometimes I shouldn't let the bads go. They are foxes after the vineyard, as the Song of Solomon says, and some little things must be discussed, sorted through, and resolved.
But there are times to rest in misunderstanding, when the fox has done his damage, and the fruit is lost. This is when I pray God will make me more sensitive to the goods.
Today I shall look for the goods. I shall pray for eyes that see the goods. I shall pray for ears that hear the goods, a mouth that offers up the goods, fingers that type out the goods...After all, when I started this blog, my hope was that writing would help me appreciate. I pray today it helps you, too.
They just come up out of the tall grass and bite ya!
Or...
They just appear in the sky with their unmistakable arch and color and make you sigh with appreciation of God's promises!
Which little things are gettin' at ya these days?
Little goods?
or
Little bads?
I snap at my kids for repeating little bads that I allowed my television to teach them.
I snap at my hubs for a little bad that makes me go from calm & cool to boiling blood in 2.2 seconds.
I lose my focus and complain for little bads that are laying around the house after I've worked to rid it of clutter.
I sink into a state of obsessive "what if" thoughts over a little bad from a close friend.
Why are theses little bads playing such a big part in the game of my life?
And why am I so stinkin' slow to notice, to see, to appreciate, the little goods?
I want to evaluate less and enjoy more, ya know?
These little goods are being passed up, they are being ignored, they are being overshadowed.
By what?
Not just by little bads. Nope.
By my flesh who is hungry for bad.
Oh Christ, I pray you'll continue to crucify my flesh so that my hunger for good cannot be satisfied.
Sure, I let plenty of little bads go, but plenty more are the goods that do not receive my attention. And there is a difference, because sometimes I shouldn't let the bads go. They are foxes after the vineyard, as the Song of Solomon says, and some little things must be discussed, sorted through, and resolved.
But there are times to rest in misunderstanding, when the fox has done his damage, and the fruit is lost. This is when I pray God will make me more sensitive to the goods.
Today I shall look for the goods. I shall pray for eyes that see the goods. I shall pray for ears that hear the goods, a mouth that offers up the goods, fingers that type out the goods...After all, when I started this blog, my hope was that writing would help me appreciate. I pray today it helps you, too.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
a reply...to a reply...to a reply...
So, after I read threw a post on a friendly Facebook debate again this morning, I really felt as though meekness wasn't just being quiet, it was something different this time, and I'm hoping my discernment isn't failing me here...
I'm not choosing to post my reply on the growing post on Facebook, out of respect for those who may not give 2 hoots to come and read it. However, how can us openly, not out of hate, but out of love, seeking out His Word and what it says for our life, hurt us?
Here is my reply...
I feel I at least need to address a few things for the sake of the other readers out there :)
1. Not biblical that men are visual - you helped me out there, yes, all a man has to do is look with lust and it's a sin. Why is God warning against this? Because men are visual. Some women may get aroused visually, I'm not out to say that it NEVER happens. There is a reason why you see schlumpy guys with hot chicks way more than you see hot dudes with schlumpy gals...God made them that way, read Song of Solomon. Yes, it is biblical.
2. Men are not as emotional as women. hmmmm...actually, no...The Greek in 1 Peter 3:7 is clear that women and men are absolutely not the same when it comes to emotions, women were created to be softer, nurturing, and to reach our breaking point much quicker. In fact, He's giving instruction to the men on how to care for us because of that. It isn't God's intention for men to not be emotional, however, it isn't His intention for them to be more emotional than us. They are to be stronger emotionally than we are. Society may encourage them to bottle up their emotions, but my man, and most of the godly men I know, do not advocate that at all. They should have a caring, soft wife that they can come and seek refuge with, to "let it all out" if you will....my hubs often refers to me as his sponge, he can bring me all of his woes from the day, and I'll rub his shoulders and soak 'em all up to be washed away!
3. Men and women are more alike than they are different - hmmm....not actually, there are numerous scriptures that defines our roles, our purpose, and how God intends for us to live, and ALL, but one, of them point to our differences, not our similarities. We shouldn't get stuck on the exceptions, the extremes, the "what ifs", we need only trust that the inspired word of God isn't that difficult...He meant what He said when He said it...Now, everyone loves to throw in Galatians 3:28 in here, however, the entire book of Galatians was written concerning what? Salvation. Yes, Salvation is given to those who God calls and they accept, but it doesn't change our role. To say that verse implies women and men are now equal in the roles, well it's typically because it's the only verse that can be twisted that way. However, you'd have to omit the passages before it and after it to come to that conclusion. You asked how we could relate if we are so different? Well, that's just it, Paul compares the union between husband and wife to a mystery, the same mystery of the union of Christ and His church. Ephesians 5:32 So, even though we may relate to one another at times, that isn't just cause to say we are more alike than we are different.Proverbs 30:18 also speaks of the mystery of a man and a woman coming together in love.
4. I consider it a privilege to share the good news, but yes it is a commandment, just as it is a commandment to obey our husbands.
5.causing others to sin, responsibility - If I regularly dress immodestly, as a believer, and excuse it away, the Word of God is blasphemed. Titus 2 If I think it is the man's problem that he thinks I'm attractive, yet my chest is exposed and my skirt too tight, I'm not taking responsibility for my own sin. 1 John1:6 I've heard stories of young boys who attend church in pure agony because of the women who think they are "just being attractive'. These boys, struggling with raging hormones, can't help but become aroused by the tight skirts and plunging neck lines. Now, there are extremes, but let's not get confused here, what is said by the way we dress? Sin isn't just something we act out, in fact, in the Bible, sin is used more times as a verb than it is a noun. It is an active entity that is wrestling against the Holy Spirit, and when we fail to dress with chaste, we are not helping our brothers in Christ. We should honor God in how we dress, or in what we drive, if it is to catch people's attention, then yeah, it's sinful. I dress in a way that is attractive to my husband, but also have to be respectful of the other men around me. To be honest, my hubs and I struggle here. I'd feel more comfortable dressing more conservative, however, Greg likes me to look a certain way...so, it is a thin line I walk being careful to please him and still feel I'm honoring God.
6. Now to be fair, with the whole women vs. other women thing...ah, this is one of my favorites...I have hot friends, lots of them :) So, I totally can plead not guilty to that one :) However, it's interesting to me that this is constantly brought up in this type of debate. As though women who are advocating that the way we dress isn't an issue are somewhat more secure than those who feel called to be more conservative. However, isn't the opposite the truth? Typically, women who dress immodestly are doing so to feed an insecurity and to make themselves feel good. However, for me, I feel MUCH more secure in who I am now than I did 10 years ago when I had no conviction over my appearance. And let me be clear, I feel it is pretty easy for me because I'm also blessed with a man who not only says, but proves daily, that I am the hottest thing since sliced bread...no hooch with her tatas hangin' has a chance :) oh yeah, and Greg is my ordained provider, 1 Timothy 5:8, God provides him with his health, his work ethic, his smarts, his abilities, and lucky for me, his rugged good looks, and he goes out and brings home the bacon!
7. The Bible, what it does say, and what it doesn't...God's word does say that we can equally receive Salvation, that we were both made in His image, and that we both can study, learn, grow close to the Lord, and receive wisdom regardless of our gender...However, Sin didn't bring about the beginning of a male/female relational hierarchy, but it did bring the disruption of the God-intended role of our husbands as the leaders and us as naturally submissive. Women were created to be caring and to be a helper, not as a slave, but supportive of her man, however, because of Eve's sin, we were cursed to desire to rule over our husbands although God clearly call us to submit, and our husbands to lead. Now, nowhere do I read that by being a woman, I am in any way inferior because of male-headship. Honestly, it's the opposite to me, I'm free. I'm not in bondage. However, Paul was clear that God's original plan was for us to complement one another. It isn't a curse to be submissive, at all, rather it is a curse to fight against God's calling on our lives. I am a complementarian, and we do not practice, nor teach, that women are functionally second-class. There aren't "some verses" that are "now used" to treat us as "different", there are SEVERAL verses that are a common thread woven from Genesis to Timothy and Titus, that God gave us to find freedom His intended call on our life. Gen. 2:18; 1 Cor. 11:9; 1 Tim. 2:12-13 are just a few, I'd love to hear which ones, when read in context, support God's curse being submission. If that were the case, then Paul would have been cursing us over and over and over and over again in the New Testament. It isn't a punishment. How could loving, serving, supporting, nurturing, and sacrificing selfish ambitions for your man be a curse? No, God is clear that it is what He intended, and if it were a curse, let me be clear, it wouldn't be so stinkin hard! It would be easy for me to be quiet, to submit, to do what he asks, to think of his needs before he thinks of them, to wake up focused on what God needs me to do for my husband and my children...but it isn't always natural, it isn't what my selfish flesh would be seeking, that only helps confirm, that the chain of authority God put into place isn't the curse, it's the design. We talk about all of those verses, on a regular basis, and yes, some used them to have slaves, some used them for pride to act as though they were better than others, and some make a mockery of God's Word, and His call on our lives, by using them now to teach that women are no different than men.
Now, with all of that being said, and yes, that was a lot of all of that...Just because this Truth found me, doesn't mean that I am a holier than thou, more spiritual than thou, better than thou, perfect wifey...I fail, daily, but God's grace is sufficient. Do I think that a woman's salvation is based on whether or not she is an Egalitarian or a Complementarian? No. But not because I think God doesn't intend for us to rest in His complementary plan, it's because God is Salvation, we only accept...nothing I can do can separate me from His awesomeness. However, to teach women that they are free from this Hierarchy is blaspheming Christ. Christ, who put on flesh and died on the cross, He is the Word, and the Word is clear that God calls women to a different role than men.
May God bless you as you talk with your husbands about these verses. I am careful to not be teaching doctrine out of His will, but this is a sensitive issue that I feel Satan is using to attack our families, to attack our body of believers, and to attack our children as we attempt to train them up in the way they should go. I pray the Holy Spirit's work in your heart will be free to continue without confusion and bondage, yet full of clarity and freedom.
I'm not choosing to post my reply on the growing post on Facebook, out of respect for those who may not give 2 hoots to come and read it. However, how can us openly, not out of hate, but out of love, seeking out His Word and what it says for our life, hurt us?
Here is my reply...
I feel I at least need to address a few things for the sake of the other readers out there :)
1. Not biblical that men are visual - you helped me out there, yes, all a man has to do is look with lust and it's a sin. Why is God warning against this? Because men are visual. Some women may get aroused visually, I'm not out to say that it NEVER happens. There is a reason why you see schlumpy guys with hot chicks way more than you see hot dudes with schlumpy gals...God made them that way, read Song of Solomon. Yes, it is biblical.
2. Men are not as emotional as women. hmmmm...actually, no...The Greek in 1 Peter 3:7 is clear that women and men are absolutely not the same when it comes to emotions, women were created to be softer, nurturing, and to reach our breaking point much quicker. In fact, He's giving instruction to the men on how to care for us because of that. It isn't God's intention for men to not be emotional, however, it isn't His intention for them to be more emotional than us. They are to be stronger emotionally than we are. Society may encourage them to bottle up their emotions, but my man, and most of the godly men I know, do not advocate that at all. They should have a caring, soft wife that they can come and seek refuge with, to "let it all out" if you will....my hubs often refers to me as his sponge, he can bring me all of his woes from the day, and I'll rub his shoulders and soak 'em all up to be washed away!
3. Men and women are more alike than they are different - hmmm....not actually, there are numerous scriptures that defines our roles, our purpose, and how God intends for us to live, and ALL, but one, of them point to our differences, not our similarities. We shouldn't get stuck on the exceptions, the extremes, the "what ifs", we need only trust that the inspired word of God isn't that difficult...He meant what He said when He said it...Now, everyone loves to throw in Galatians 3:28 in here, however, the entire book of Galatians was written concerning what? Salvation. Yes, Salvation is given to those who God calls and they accept, but it doesn't change our role. To say that verse implies women and men are now equal in the roles, well it's typically because it's the only verse that can be twisted that way. However, you'd have to omit the passages before it and after it to come to that conclusion. You asked how we could relate if we are so different? Well, that's just it, Paul compares the union between husband and wife to a mystery, the same mystery of the union of Christ and His church. Ephesians 5:32 So, even though we may relate to one another at times, that isn't just cause to say we are more alike than we are different.Proverbs 30:18 also speaks of the mystery of a man and a woman coming together in love.
4. I consider it a privilege to share the good news, but yes it is a commandment, just as it is a commandment to obey our husbands.
5.causing others to sin, responsibility - If I regularly dress immodestly, as a believer, and excuse it away, the Word of God is blasphemed. Titus 2 If I think it is the man's problem that he thinks I'm attractive, yet my chest is exposed and my skirt too tight, I'm not taking responsibility for my own sin. 1 John1:6 I've heard stories of young boys who attend church in pure agony because of the women who think they are "just being attractive'. These boys, struggling with raging hormones, can't help but become aroused by the tight skirts and plunging neck lines. Now, there are extremes, but let's not get confused here, what is said by the way we dress? Sin isn't just something we act out, in fact, in the Bible, sin is used more times as a verb than it is a noun. It is an active entity that is wrestling against the Holy Spirit, and when we fail to dress with chaste, we are not helping our brothers in Christ. We should honor God in how we dress, or in what we drive, if it is to catch people's attention, then yeah, it's sinful. I dress in a way that is attractive to my husband, but also have to be respectful of the other men around me. To be honest, my hubs and I struggle here. I'd feel more comfortable dressing more conservative, however, Greg likes me to look a certain way...so, it is a thin line I walk being careful to please him and still feel I'm honoring God.
6. Now to be fair, with the whole women vs. other women thing...ah, this is one of my favorites...I have hot friends, lots of them :) So, I totally can plead not guilty to that one :) However, it's interesting to me that this is constantly brought up in this type of debate. As though women who are advocating that the way we dress isn't an issue are somewhat more secure than those who feel called to be more conservative. However, isn't the opposite the truth? Typically, women who dress immodestly are doing so to feed an insecurity and to make themselves feel good. However, for me, I feel MUCH more secure in who I am now than I did 10 years ago when I had no conviction over my appearance. And let me be clear, I feel it is pretty easy for me because I'm also blessed with a man who not only says, but proves daily, that I am the hottest thing since sliced bread...no hooch with her tatas hangin' has a chance :) oh yeah, and Greg is my ordained provider, 1 Timothy 5:8, God provides him with his health, his work ethic, his smarts, his abilities, and lucky for me, his rugged good looks, and he goes out and brings home the bacon!
7. The Bible, what it does say, and what it doesn't...God's word does say that we can equally receive Salvation, that we were both made in His image, and that we both can study, learn, grow close to the Lord, and receive wisdom regardless of our gender...However, Sin didn't bring about the beginning of a male/female relational hierarchy, but it did bring the disruption of the God-intended role of our husbands as the leaders and us as naturally submissive. Women were created to be caring and to be a helper, not as a slave, but supportive of her man, however, because of Eve's sin, we were cursed to desire to rule over our husbands although God clearly call us to submit, and our husbands to lead. Now, nowhere do I read that by being a woman, I am in any way inferior because of male-headship. Honestly, it's the opposite to me, I'm free. I'm not in bondage. However, Paul was clear that God's original plan was for us to complement one another. It isn't a curse to be submissive, at all, rather it is a curse to fight against God's calling on our lives. I am a complementarian, and we do not practice, nor teach, that women are functionally second-class. There aren't "some verses" that are "now used" to treat us as "different", there are SEVERAL verses that are a common thread woven from Genesis to Timothy and Titus, that God gave us to find freedom His intended call on our life. Gen. 2:18; 1 Cor. 11:9; 1 Tim. 2:12-13 are just a few, I'd love to hear which ones, when read in context, support God's curse being submission. If that were the case, then Paul would have been cursing us over and over and over and over again in the New Testament. It isn't a punishment. How could loving, serving, supporting, nurturing, and sacrificing selfish ambitions for your man be a curse? No, God is clear that it is what He intended, and if it were a curse, let me be clear, it wouldn't be so stinkin hard! It would be easy for me to be quiet, to submit, to do what he asks, to think of his needs before he thinks of them, to wake up focused on what God needs me to do for my husband and my children...but it isn't always natural, it isn't what my selfish flesh would be seeking, that only helps confirm, that the chain of authority God put into place isn't the curse, it's the design. We talk about all of those verses, on a regular basis, and yes, some used them to have slaves, some used them for pride to act as though they were better than others, and some make a mockery of God's Word, and His call on our lives, by using them now to teach that women are no different than men.
Now, with all of that being said, and yes, that was a lot of all of that...Just because this Truth found me, doesn't mean that I am a holier than thou, more spiritual than thou, better than thou, perfect wifey...I fail, daily, but God's grace is sufficient. Do I think that a woman's salvation is based on whether or not she is an Egalitarian or a Complementarian? No. But not because I think God doesn't intend for us to rest in His complementary plan, it's because God is Salvation, we only accept...nothing I can do can separate me from His awesomeness. However, to teach women that they are free from this Hierarchy is blaspheming Christ. Christ, who put on flesh and died on the cross, He is the Word, and the Word is clear that God calls women to a different role than men.
May God bless you as you talk with your husbands about these verses. I am careful to not be teaching doctrine out of His will, but this is a sensitive issue that I feel Satan is using to attack our families, to attack our body of believers, and to attack our children as we attempt to train them up in the way they should go. I pray the Holy Spirit's work in your heart will be free to continue without confusion and bondage, yet full of clarity and freedom.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Things, besides my tan, I wish would fade...
This will be a slightly random post. As I desperately tried to sleep tonight, but failed to be able to pull it off mostly because of a 3 hr nap that I took earlier in the day, I decided to just give up, make myself useful for a few hours, and then try to close my eyes for a few hours before sun-up!
ah...with that being said, my tan is fading. Which I know seems trivial to some, but to me, it is more than just a sign that I'm going to age faster than you sun-block fans. I like my tan self better than my white self. Superficial? Call it what you will, I just know that I struggle with thoughts about my appearance way more in the spring, fall, and winter. There. I've confessed it. Moving on.
So, whats at the top of the list for things I'd like to fade?
The memories my children will have of me losing my patience, being too harsh, or selfishly practicing sarcasm at the expense of their feelings.
What I don't want to fade? Emma's quirkiness. I hope she keeps it forever.
Next on the list for things to fade?
My superficial thoughts of my appearance. Really, they just trip us up as women and feed our flesh vs allowing the Spirit to be our bread. I am asking God to fade these thoughts so that when I look at a picture of our family celebrating our son's baptism, I can focus on the love being displayed vs the size of my cheeks.
What I don't want to fade? My children's love for one another.
Ah...next...fading...hows about the old man? Yes, out with the old, in with the new. Three big cheers for God's ability to not just settle with fading! Ethan was baptized this summer. I am thanking God for His evident work in my son's life. I pray the feeling of guilt, for failing this guy from the beginning, will fade sooner than later.
What should never fade, is Ethan's commitment to follow Christ. Oh God, please keep my son close, let his desire for you grow stronger than his desire for the world.
Let's wrap things up, shall we? Fading takes time, right? Can't happen overnight? What do you think of when you say the word fading? 
Some of you may have things you wish would fade, too. Maybe you said something last week and have replayed it over and over wishing you hadn't.
ah...with that being said, my tan is fading. Which I know seems trivial to some, but to me, it is more than just a sign that I'm going to age faster than you sun-block fans. I like my tan self better than my white self. Superficial? Call it what you will, I just know that I struggle with thoughts about my appearance way more in the spring, fall, and winter. There. I've confessed it. Moving on.
So, whats at the top of the list for things I'd like to fade?
The memories my children will have of me losing my patience, being too harsh, or selfishly practicing sarcasm at the expense of their feelings.
What I don't want to fade? Emma's quirkiness. I hope she keeps it forever.
Next on the list for things to fade?My superficial thoughts of my appearance. Really, they just trip us up as women and feed our flesh vs allowing the Spirit to be our bread. I am asking God to fade these thoughts so that when I look at a picture of our family celebrating our son's baptism, I can focus on the love being displayed vs the size of my cheeks.
What I don't want to fade? My children's love for one another.
Ah...next...fading...hows about the old man? Yes, out with the old, in with the new. Three big cheers for God's ability to not just settle with fading! Ethan was baptized this summer. I am thanking God for His evident work in my son's life. I pray the feeling of guilt, for failing this guy from the beginning, will fade sooner than later.What should never fade, is Ethan's commitment to follow Christ. Oh God, please keep my son close, let his desire for you grow stronger than his desire for the world.
Let's wrap things up, shall we? Fading takes time, right? Can't happen overnight? What do you think of when you say the word fading?
To have had a marriage that was miserable just over 2 years ago, to having such a blessed union today, I would say that a lot has faded for Greg and I. I have faded. The hard Jamie who was quick to cut down, quick to judge, and quick to choose bitterness over forgiveness has faded. The passion Greg had for things other than myself and his children has faded. Yet, they are both still there. Rearing their ugly heads every now and again, and by God's grace, being etched away with time.
What I pray doesn't fade? My desire to be his woman. I'm totally smitten with this man, and I pray that grows stronger and stronger.
Some of you may have things you wish would fade, too. Maybe you said something last week and have replayed it over and over wishing you hadn't. Or maybe you are just so confident in who you are that you feel it is failure to admit there are things you want to fade.
Let me just say this, God has chosen me to become like His son, and in order to do that, there will be lots of fading. But only God can do that miracle, and I'm not helping if I can't admit there are bold colors in need of a good wash.
Here's to feeling good with pale skin this fall, and to spend more time seeking Him than anything else of this earth that will soon enough fade away.
Friday, May 28, 2010
on this whole quantity/quality thing...
I was reading here this afternoon and decided I really should share this story.
About 4 years ago, as a "gift" from my BeautiControl director, I was given a one hour session with a life coach. It was to help me "see the big picture", "grow my success", and to help me "find inner peace and balance."
So, in my old home at Sandbranch, the complete upstairs of an addition was this beautiful room that, at that time, served as my office. It had a large 4X8 picture window where my computer and desk were, so there I sat while I was on this lovely phone call that was to open my eyes.
As I listened to this gentleman from CA try to encourage me to find balance in life, I spun around in my chair, and outside of that beautiful window, I see my 3 year old Emma Rae running up the hill to her grandma and grandpas who lived behind us. I had put her down for a nap, and obviously, she had gotten up while I was distracted and was letting herself out to go for a visit.
As I watch her pawpaw receive her warmly, I hear this coach of living on the other end start to explain to me what my director's goal was for our call. "I have heard a lot about you Jamie. It seems you are quite a young lady. I hear you juggle being a wife, a mother of two, and have built a rather large business, even earning the coveted Mustang, with BeautiControl. Your director tells me you seem to be off track all of the sudden. You're feeling overwhelmed and are talking about letting it all go to home school your children and not be so distracted."
He continues, "I have a son, Jamie. His mother and I are the presidents of this coaching firm. We have worked so hard that we now can afford to have him educated in the best school there is in our area. Now, don't get me wrong, I know that it is a sacrifice for her and I to work so many hours, but the sacrifice is worth it. He is excelling in his schooling, and when we see him on the weekends, we make the best memories doing whatever he wants to do! Now Jamie, he is a happy kid."
"Um, I'm sorry Mr. S______, but what was that?", surely I haven't heard what I just think I heard...
"Well, our son stays on campus at this Middle School from Monday through Saturday mornings. It works best because of the time and effort put into his education, they don't need to have them distracted with home life. That way he can be focused on what is important through the week, his mother and I can be focused on what is important through the week, and then we can come together for quality time. That is what it is about Jamie, quality time. Not quantity. You do realize that statistics show that mothers who work spend as much, if not more, quality time with their children as those who supposedly stay at home, don't you?"
"Well, I have heard that quoted before, but well, we don't exactly, um, how should I say this..."
"Listen Jamie, I'm sure you have some people who may influence you that have good intentions, but from what I have heard from your director, to give up what you have worked so hard for is senseless. Why not keep sacrificing a measly 30 hours a week so that your children can go to the schools they want to go to, and you can afford to give them a start to life that otherwise you won't be able to? Your kids will grow up to appreciate this sacrifice for them. I guarantee it. So, tell me, how many parties do you have booked for next month? Will it be enough to get you over this negative way of thinking and get you back in the game?"
By this time PawPaw RayRay has returned the rebellious parolee back home, and with the door locked and her in my sight, I was focused on trying to end this call without insulting this poor, ignorant man.
"Mr. S_________, let me just say I do appreciate where you are coming from. It seems that your household is running just as you would have it to, but for us, well, we see a different calling on our life. Not that the money BeautiControl could make me wouldn't be helpful with some things, but to be honest, that sacrifice isn't worth it to us. I'd rather not have to make the decision between quality or quantity anymore. I'd rather just work at both for now."
The conversation ended with him assuring me I would regret this decision. And then was followed with months, and now it has been years, of controversy from many around me as I began to live out my "take" on how BeautiControl, or maybe other direct sales if that is the case, should be for those who want to work, not for those who are working at being full-time wives and mothers.
Gina was right, just being here counts for something. At a home school conference a few weeks ago, a lady made a wonderful analogy, which I plan on referencing a lot on some upcoming blogs, about our children being a blank, brand new, clean notebook. The conversations our children have, the places are children go, and all the things our children see and hear are written on that notebook with an ink pen.
I have thought about that a lot since then, and it came to mind again as I tried to reckon how much quality time we have had lately. This post is getting too long, as usual, so let me end with just saying this...my hope is that in 10 years, you could take the weight of the pages written from quality time of fishing, vacationing, playing cards, and doing cool crafts and when compared to the weight of the pages written from quantity time of singing Sara Groves in the car as we run errands, them reading quietly in their room while I blog, them helping to bring order to the house with specific chores, and them playing outside unattended while I mark things off my to-do list inside, you would find that although the quality time helped to form wonderful memories and reinforce them feeling loved, it was in the quantity times of daily life that their character was matured.
No one is counting how much quality vs quantity time we have with our kids. But I can assure you, it is leaving it's writings on those clean pages. How will the quantity of your child's notebook read in ten years? and more importantly, who will be able to take credit as contributing authors?
About 4 years ago, as a "gift" from my BeautiControl director, I was given a one hour session with a life coach. It was to help me "see the big picture", "grow my success", and to help me "find inner peace and balance."
So, in my old home at Sandbranch, the complete upstairs of an addition was this beautiful room that, at that time, served as my office. It had a large 4X8 picture window where my computer and desk were, so there I sat while I was on this lovely phone call that was to open my eyes.
As I listened to this gentleman from CA try to encourage me to find balance in life, I spun around in my chair, and outside of that beautiful window, I see my 3 year old Emma Rae running up the hill to her grandma and grandpas who lived behind us. I had put her down for a nap, and obviously, she had gotten up while I was distracted and was letting herself out to go for a visit.
As I watch her pawpaw receive her warmly, I hear this coach of living on the other end start to explain to me what my director's goal was for our call. "I have heard a lot about you Jamie. It seems you are quite a young lady. I hear you juggle being a wife, a mother of two, and have built a rather large business, even earning the coveted Mustang, with BeautiControl. Your director tells me you seem to be off track all of the sudden. You're feeling overwhelmed and are talking about letting it all go to home school your children and not be so distracted."
He continues, "I have a son, Jamie. His mother and I are the presidents of this coaching firm. We have worked so hard that we now can afford to have him educated in the best school there is in our area. Now, don't get me wrong, I know that it is a sacrifice for her and I to work so many hours, but the sacrifice is worth it. He is excelling in his schooling, and when we see him on the weekends, we make the best memories doing whatever he wants to do! Now Jamie, he is a happy kid."
"Um, I'm sorry Mr. S______, but what was that?", surely I haven't heard what I just think I heard...
"Well, our son stays on campus at this Middle School from Monday through Saturday mornings. It works best because of the time and effort put into his education, they don't need to have them distracted with home life. That way he can be focused on what is important through the week, his mother and I can be focused on what is important through the week, and then we can come together for quality time. That is what it is about Jamie, quality time. Not quantity. You do realize that statistics show that mothers who work spend as much, if not more, quality time with their children as those who supposedly stay at home, don't you?"
"Well, I have heard that quoted before, but well, we don't exactly, um, how should I say this..."
"Listen Jamie, I'm sure you have some people who may influence you that have good intentions, but from what I have heard from your director, to give up what you have worked so hard for is senseless. Why not keep sacrificing a measly 30 hours a week so that your children can go to the schools they want to go to, and you can afford to give them a start to life that otherwise you won't be able to? Your kids will grow up to appreciate this sacrifice for them. I guarantee it. So, tell me, how many parties do you have booked for next month? Will it be enough to get you over this negative way of thinking and get you back in the game?"
By this time PawPaw RayRay has returned the rebellious parolee back home, and with the door locked and her in my sight, I was focused on trying to end this call without insulting this poor, ignorant man.
"Mr. S_________, let me just say I do appreciate where you are coming from. It seems that your household is running just as you would have it to, but for us, well, we see a different calling on our life. Not that the money BeautiControl could make me wouldn't be helpful with some things, but to be honest, that sacrifice isn't worth it to us. I'd rather not have to make the decision between quality or quantity anymore. I'd rather just work at both for now."
The conversation ended with him assuring me I would regret this decision. And then was followed with months, and now it has been years, of controversy from many around me as I began to live out my "take" on how BeautiControl, or maybe other direct sales if that is the case, should be for those who want to work, not for those who are working at being full-time wives and mothers.
Gina was right, just being here counts for something. At a home school conference a few weeks ago, a lady made a wonderful analogy, which I plan on referencing a lot on some upcoming blogs, about our children being a blank, brand new, clean notebook. The conversations our children have, the places are children go, and all the things our children see and hear are written on that notebook with an ink pen.
I have thought about that a lot since then, and it came to mind again as I tried to reckon how much quality time we have had lately. This post is getting too long, as usual, so let me end with just saying this...my hope is that in 10 years, you could take the weight of the pages written from quality time of fishing, vacationing, playing cards, and doing cool crafts and when compared to the weight of the pages written from quantity time of singing Sara Groves in the car as we run errands, them reading quietly in their room while I blog, them helping to bring order to the house with specific chores, and them playing outside unattended while I mark things off my to-do list inside, you would find that although the quality time helped to form wonderful memories and reinforce them feeling loved, it was in the quantity times of daily life that their character was matured.
No one is counting how much quality vs quantity time we have with our kids. But I can assure you, it is leaving it's writings on those clean pages. How will the quantity of your child's notebook read in ten years? and more importantly, who will be able to take credit as contributing authors?
Monday, May 3, 2010
Emma turned 7 by bringing her parents joy!
Last night after I tucked in my 6 year old for the last time, I was reading an article about parenting. The author talked about building a relationship with your child so that they want to please you. "Kids who know they are treasured will give you their all to be worthy of your high opinion of them", he says.
How is it we can complain about the poor behavior of our child in front of them, even labeling them brats, or drama queens, and then question why they behave in such a way? We must build godly character in our children at a young age.
I was so guilty of labeling my children when they were younger. Ethan was the good one, and Emma was "evil". How unfair was that? I was blessed enough to be instructed that children who are living out the foolish labels they have been given by their parents seldom decide it is time to change on their own. It was not easy to hear, or to admit how poor of a job I was doing, however, it helped me to see the need to take responsibility my parenting. Instead of evil, I started calling Emma precious. If she behaved in a way that wasn't pleasing to me, I told her that she needed to practice being precious, and that being a brat or acting in such a way is never okay.
We now use training and disciplining vs just disciplining out of frustration, and if we are not willing to carry out the punishment, we do not just threaten with it. Now, I am blessed with a daughter who still struggles with a strong will, still struggles with obedience at ALL times, however, she has a goal of good behavior expected of her, and because of that, she finds joy and accomplishment when she is mommy's precious little one. Being a parent should be joyful. We should be raising children who are blessings to us and those around them. If your child is not a blessing to others, what can you do to change that?
Don't put them in a labeled box and expect them to just continue being unruly until they are teenagers and out of control! Don't excuse your unruly teenagers behavior as though it is acceptable! Parents MUST take responsibility for the behavior of their children, and most importantly, for the discipling of their children. As my sister said in a devotion she led Saturday at a baby shower, "Your child can be Valedictorian, Homecoming Queen, an Olympic Gold Medalist, or the most intelligent person you'd ever meet, but if they fail to accept Jesus Christ as their personal Savior, they will spend eternity separated from Him. Their soul is of utmost importance."
May God bless you with the concern, and the passion, to train up your child in the way he/she should go. I must say, this was a burden in my heart that I am very grateful for. Emma Rae turns 7 today. Around the age of 4, we began taking responsibility for her behavior, and I cannot imagine the joy we would have missed out on had we continued down the path we were on.
She is still unpredictable at times, she still has a far more wild spirit than her older brother, and she still brings us so much laughter! I haven't turned her into a joyless little robot who just performs on command by training her! However, the Lord has definitely blessed our efforts, and my Emma enjoys living out the labels of being a precious blessing.
How is it we can complain about the poor behavior of our child in front of them, even labeling them brats, or drama queens, and then question why they behave in such a way? We must build godly character in our children at a young age.I was so guilty of labeling my children when they were younger. Ethan was the good one, and Emma was "evil". How unfair was that? I was blessed enough to be instructed that children who are living out the foolish labels they have been given by their parents seldom decide it is time to change on their own. It was not easy to hear, or to admit how poor of a job I was doing, however, it helped me to see the need to take responsibility my parenting. Instead of evil, I started calling Emma precious. If she behaved in a way that wasn't pleasing to me, I told her that she needed to practice being precious, and that being a brat or acting in such a way is never okay.
We now use training and disciplining vs just disciplining out of frustration, and if we are not willing to carry out the punishment, we do not just threaten with it. Now, I am blessed with a daughter who still struggles with a strong will, still struggles with obedience at ALL times, however, she has a goal of good behavior expected of her, and because of that, she finds joy and accomplishment when she is mommy's precious little one. Being a parent should be joyful. We should be raising children who are blessings to us and those around them. If your child is not a blessing to others, what can you do to change that?
Don't put them in a labeled box and expect them to just continue being unruly until they are teenagers and out of control! Don't excuse your unruly teenagers behavior as though it is acceptable! Parents MUST take responsibility for the behavior of their children, and most importantly, for the discipling of their children. As my sister said in a devotion she led Saturday at a baby shower, "Your child can be Valedictorian, Homecoming Queen, an Olympic Gold Medalist, or the most intelligent person you'd ever meet, but if they fail to accept Jesus Christ as their personal Savior, they will spend eternity separated from Him. Their soul is of utmost importance."
May God bless you with the concern, and the passion, to train up your child in the way he/she should go. I must say, this was a burden in my heart that I am very grateful for. Emma Rae turns 7 today. Around the age of 4, we began taking responsibility for her behavior, and I cannot imagine the joy we would have missed out on had we continued down the path we were on.
She is still unpredictable at times, she still has a far more wild spirit than her older brother, and she still brings us so much laughter! I haven't turned her into a joyless little robot who just performs on command by training her! However, the Lord has definitely blessed our efforts, and my Emma enjoys living out the labels of being a precious blessing.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)