Celebrating 2009!

I don't know that I have anything this year that I am making a definite resolution on. I feel like I started up so many stinkin' new things in 2009, I didn't leave much to resolute for in 2010!


Ethan played his first year of tackle football. I became a huge fan of the sport and can't wait to see him put pads back on in July of 2010! One goal for Ethan this year is to finally wrap up the rest of the 2nd grade curriculum we started in May of 2008, yes, you heard that right. Not much left, and we did start a lot of 3rd grade this year, too, but still not done with all his 2nd. We should be done with all of it by the beginning of March, when he will take his test for 3rd grade. We will then go straight to a 4th grade curriculum, and focus more on Bible and Character as we take our time with academics through the rest of 2010.

As far as my Emma, we still have the same goal academically for 2010 that we had for 2009, learning to read! She is almost there, and I am thinking by the end of May, she will be ready to start the 2010/2011 school year with a 1st grade curriculum. Emma has a curious mind and a growing interest in God and His purpose in her heart. She loves to sit and flip through the pages of her pink New Testament. She just surfs the pages looking for words she can sound out, and loves to share with me what she finds. I look forward to teaching her more about our Savior this year!

Greg and I grew so much in our marriage this year. I know this is because each of us took our relationship with Christ more serious this year. Priorities changed, and our life with Christ, and our service in His name, was taken to a whole new level. I am more in love with him today than I ever thought would be possible. I am blessed to be his helper, and look forward to celebrating 7 years of marriage to my man this April!

So, we will start out Monday with our new Workbox System, and my children and I are pumped! Here are a few of the "centers" we will be making good use of with our new system. This is Ethan's circuit board we got him for Christmas. He is amazed with electricity, and I'm hoping we will be able to incorporate more hands on learning, which works for him, with this new system.

Emma Rae definitely takes after her daddy, and mommy, when it comes to painting. She asks daily if she can paint. I plan to make her requests happen 3 to 4 days a week this year by using the Workbox System. How? She will have a box that will have all of her supplies ready for her, except of course for the water. So instead of needing me to pull out all the supplies, get everything cleared, and then find her something to do, I will be packing her box up at night and having it ready for her the next day.

I hope that you are looking back at your 2009 and finding things you want to continue, rather than just finding things you need to quit.

Let this be an encouragement to you! Find things you were able to do right in 2009. Chose to focus on repeating what worked, instead of regretting what didn't.

Has a month really gone by?

Alright, I confess, I have not been spending near as much time on the laptop the past 4 weeks. So, imagine my surprise when I realized it has been a month since I posted my last blog!

We are continuing are daily Proverbs reading, although there have been days that the breakfast reading doesn't get read until the after dinner reading...going to work on that.

This is going to be a quick one, as Greg is just about done brushing his teeth, and we are going to enjoy watching the lightning for a few moments before finding slumber.

My leg is doing WONDERFUL! I am 6 weeks ahead of schedule, doing yoga, jogging on the elliptical, lifting weights, doing lots of stretching, and enjoying getting up and down steps easier.

We listed the house with a realtor, and we are currently in negotiations with hopes of closing and moving by June 1st.

Ethan is finishing up 2nd grade schooling, and Emma is working on her reading.

I am spending lots of time cleaning out rooms, preparing for yard sales, and imagining how I will function in a different home.

I've moved 7 times in my life. At age 20, Ethan and I moved in with my sister Indy and her husband for 2 months. We then moved back to my parents. Three months later, we moved to a small home in Stanaford. Six months later, we moved back in with my parents. Fourteen months later, we moved into an apartment on N Sandbranch Rd. Greg and I were married, Emma was born, and a year later we moved into his parents for 2 months until finally our home was finished, and we moved in here!

Needless to say, all of the other moves were done in one day and were very easy. Packing was a breeze, there was a minimal amount of belongings, and it just wasn't that bad.

However, this will be different story. Greg has lived here all of his 32 years, with the exception of one year when he grabbed his clothes and his toothbrush the day after we were married in order to move in the apartment.

I'll try to do a better job of blogging this month...no promises!

Off my crutches...

I met with my surgeon on Tuesday and my Physical Therapist Wednesday this week. I was given the okay to go off my crutches and to get out of my brace!

I'm about 3 weeks ahead of schedule with my recovery. I was given the release to do therapy only once every other week. But of course I have to do about 45 minutes of exercises and stretches every day. I'm guessing because I've been doing that for the last 4 weeks, the Lord is blessing my efforts, and that is why I'm bouncing back so fast.

I can start a light workout routine back up this week. I can do the stationary bike, elliptical, light weights for lower body, upper body and abs.

Somehow, I have actually managed to lose about 6 lbs since surgery. I don't know how, but I'm grateful for the boost towards being healthier!!

I still have about 9 months til I can get back to doing some of the things I did before like shooting ball, playing volleyball, and kickboxing might be more than a year away. But I can start swimming again, so I'm just ready for summer.

As always, thank you so much for your prayers! I'm telling you, I don't know how a knee can go through all of that and survive. But God is still in the business of healing and providing, even if I didn't have to go visit Benny Henn.

Started my Physical Therapy

Thank you to so many who are praying for me as I continue to heal from my surgery. I know that the Lord is giving me strength and is teaching me patience throughout this ordeal.

I just wanted to do a quick update on my recovery.

I started physical therapy this past Monday. They gave me a series of stretches and exercises to do daily. Although they are painful, I can feel the difference it is making.

I go back to see the surgeon next Tuesday. I am hoping to get the ok to just report in for therapy once a week. It is expensive and time consuming to do be there twice every week, especially when this could last 3 months. We shall see.

I helped Greg with dinner this evening, which felt nice. I started driving again this week, and I'm feeling more stable on my knee as the days go by.

The incision healed incredibly well, although that scar is crooked, it hasn't bothered me at all.

I am still on crutches, and from what I understand, I will be for at least another 3 weeks.

I'm not sleeping well at all,(note it is 4:11 am right now). Since Monday I have been experiencing quite a bit of pain in my thigh. The therapist said it is probably where my bone is healing around the screw and anchor. It comes and goes, but for some reason, I'm just not able to rest well.

Although, since I've not slept at all tonight, I am starting to get sleepy. So, I will end this blog and hopefully get a few hours of sleep!

I think I can, I think I can, I think I shouldn't have...

After surviving my check-up on Wednesday and taking the kids to their annual check-ups on Friday, of course with the help of my paternal chauffeur, I was feeling a little brave yesterday. Maybe too brave?

I woke up around 8:00 to get a shower and get ready for Ethan's game. I was feeling so much better because Friday I had managed to get in the downstairs bathroom and get a shower all by myself. All of us got ready and headed to Ethan's basketball game at The Place, I was feeling really good and was so relieved to be able to get around so much better than the previous Saturday's game.

It turned out that Ethan's team would be playing against the team of Kaitlyn Sweeney. Kaitlyn is Kelly's daughter. Kelly and I had been the bestest of best friends from first grade up. Although the years of jobs and motherhood have kept us from talking and seeing each other on a regular basis, it seems no time is lost when I run into her at sporting events throughout the year. It is as if we are back in high school as we chat each other up about the current phases of life we are experiencing. It was a great game. Ethan's team didn't pull off a victory, although they don't officially keep score, Kaitlyn's team dominated and we had to swallow our pride to admit defeat. Okay, so I'm a little dramatic about it, but I'm telling you, I find great happiness in watching my son play ball.

After the game, I knew Greg would want to grab some food before picking up some groceries and heading home. I thought it best to go ahead and use the restroom at The Place than having to wander around a slippery restaurant floor with my crutches. As I attempted to exit the restroom stall, my extremely handy cell phone slipped out of my sweatshirt pocket and was swept off by the current of the massively strong toilet. I've heard of folks dropping their phones in the toilet, I spent almost 2 years working at US Cellular, I heard lots of things. But actually managing to flush it down the toilet...geez...

Greg found it quite amusing. Let us pause for a moment as we try extremely hard to imagine my husband finding humor in this situation. Okay, I'm done, are you done? As we drove down the hill leaving the gym, he cupped his hand to his ear and looked over at the culvert swearing he heard it ringing.

Moving on.

We went straight to US Cellular where they confirmed my dreaded thoughts...I had remembered calling and taking off a few bells and whistles to lower our phone bill because of my surgery. I knew that I would be at home more than anything in the upcoming months and therefore thought it would be in my best interest to drop the insurance I had on my phone. Um, yeah, well, enough said. I had just purchased this phone back in October. It had cost me almost $200. I had ruined my ipod by accidentally running it through the washer, so I wanted a phone that would also work as a music player. It wasn't too fancy, but it served it's purpose perfectly. I had hundreds of #s stored in it. And now it was gone, and I was paying $110 for a used phone to try to take it's place.

We ate lunch and decided to make the best of our time, we would split up and I would go to Wal-Mart while he went to Sams to get the few items on our list. Greg dropped off Ethan and myself at Wal-Mart. I had every intention of getting one of those scooters and attempting to not humiliate myself by pulling a back and forth Austin Powers episode in front of a Saturday shopping crowd. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it. So, with my faithful silver crutches, we headed off to pick up 5 things. He dropped me off at the grocery side. We walked over to get some pencils and erasers for school, then to get nail polish, then to get a mini sd card for my phone(my other one was now in the sewer), then all the way to the back to get yogurt, and finally back up to get lettuce and to check out. All this time Ethan is pushing the cart while I am walking about 1 step per minute. On the way to retrieve the lettuce, I started to feel my leg giving out. It was getting really heavy and my brace was feeling really tight. We checked out and when i got in the car I realized that I had made a huge mistake. My thoughts were a little walking wouldn't hurt, and would maybe even be good for me.

I was wrong.

We came straight home and I put on some shorts and assumed my position on my reclining couch. My leg was huge. I'm talking HUGE! From the back of my knee down to my toes my leg was bulging. I removed the brace and just couldn't believe how tight my skin was. It was extremely painful and I was just so angry that I had went from feeling so much better to having to prop it up and ice it again.

I spent all of the evening, night, and this morning with it propped up, and also icing it as often as I could. I wanted to be back at church really bad today, but there was just no way. I called the ER last night and talked with a nurse. He said to stay off of it for 24 hrs and then to ease myself back in to walking.

Greg was really disappointed with me for walking all that way in Wal-Mart, he kept saying that he thought I was going to get a scooter, and he wouldn't have dropped me off had he known that I was going to walk it. He was right, it was dumb, and I was paying for it. But in my defense, I thought a little exercise would be good for it.

It is almost 10 this Sunday morning, and here I am in the bed getting ready to eat a bacon biscuit that my husband just brought me.

I don't know if you ever find yourself doing this, but at night when I lay my head down, I do what I call a little emotion evaluation. I just kinda run through what is going on with the relationships in my life to see if there is a little something out of whack that I should work on the next day. The typical things like me and Greg, me and the kids, the people I talked to that day, the people I should have talked to that day, and then I usually pray and drift off to sleep. If there is something not right, and it is something that I have done and I can't fix, I have a hard time just praying and going to sleep. Let's face it, there are worse things that could happen to me than flushing my phone down the toilet or having a swollen leg, but because I caused those things and I can't fix it, it troubles me. I mean it really troubles me.

I find myself wallowing in regret. Now, I know that I shouldn't. I know that the Lord would want me to be focused on my blessings, to be thankful for so many good things going on in my life while others around me are currently suffering major heartache. But I have to admit that I struggle with forgiving myself for doing stupid things. I pray that I will start remembering that as a child of God, He has a purpose for me, and I am getting in the way of that purpose with my ignorant self pity.

Alrighty then, my biscuit is getting cold.

It's all in your head :) That's nice

I had crazy dreams last night, and even though I did get some rest, I was seriously tempted to call and cancel my check-up appointment this morning. I would say that due to the weather I just can't make that trip to Princeton.

Then I opened the blinds and realized it was disturbingly clear outside. There went that plan.

We began getting ready, which is just kinda slow and awkward with my brace and crutches, when we realized my keys weren't anywhere to be found! My dad was coming to my house to drive us to Princeton in my van. Looking for keys on crutches is really hard. Up and down all around and the keys weren't anywhere to be found. As soon as my dad got here, he said, "Wouldn't YOUR keys be in YOUR purse?" I said, "No, I haven't driven in almost 2 weeks, so they would definitely not be in my purse."

So you know where they were now, don't you?

In my purse - of course they were in my purse, this wouldn't be worth typing if they weren't in my purse!

I got into the exam room and a lovely little lady with long fake nails came in to help me get up on the exam table. She said, "Oh, you have stitches, we'll get those out." She came back with a paper towel, tweezers, and scissors. She said, "This may sting a little bit." Then she took the tweezers and pulled my skin up and apart as she snipped the fishing line that was holding my skin together. um-ouch All the while she was poking my incision with her long nails.

The surgeon was out of town this week, so my check-up was with his Physician's Assistant Greg. We had met him at a previous appointment, and I just wanted to know if my leg should be able to do more than what it is doing, so that was fine.

They took X-rays and I got to see the cute little screws in my bones. yuck

They had me take off my brace and then lay back while he tried to bend my knee. um - ouch

He explained that there is only one problem with my post-surgery situation.

I'm a scaredy cat, and I'm holding back on my leg for fear of what might happen.

He demonstrated this by having me let my leg hang over the side of the table. I was extremely scared and kept wincing at the slightest feeling of discomfort. After letting it hang on it's own for a minute, I realized that it wasn't that bad. Thus the diagnosis - it's all in my head.

In my defense, I didn't exactly know what I could or couldn't do, or what I should or shouldn't expect it to be able to do. That was why I wanted to quiz him and then I could feel better about it. I did quiz him, quite a bit actually. Since he does everything except for the actuall surgery, he was probably not prepared for all my questions about what they did to my knee to remove the graft and then to reinstall the graft with drills and screws and anchors into my bones!! um-ouch After all, I've watched it on YouTube, I knew what I was talking about, did he?

I feel much better after finding out that I'm just making it worse in my head.

I'm on the road to recovery and will start my re-hab this coming week.

I can put 25% of my weight on it this week, 50% next week, 75% the next week and then full weight bearing for 2 weeks with crutches.

So I actually will be able to get off of my crutches if all goes well in about 5 to 6 weeks.

The numb feeling that is weirding me out is because of a nerve they cut during surgery. I may or may not get feeling back, which really isn't that big of a deal.

I should be able to lift it within the next week or so, and the Physical Therapist will help me with ways to try to keep the strength up so I don't lose all my muscle tone throughout the next 6 months. However, he did say I am losing a lot of muscle tone and it will be hard to get it back to where I was before.

I love a good challenge.

Thanks for a better day!

So - my dad graciously agreed last night that he would escort me, kinda like driving miss daisy, to my hair appointment today. As well as help me get up and down my steps, which was what I was the most nervous about! Then considering the snow and ice today, I decided I probably shouldn't attempt the journey.

We spent the day inside, again, but it was a better day. I was able to get in some decent sleep last night, and that seems to be a good thing these days.

Right around 12 I realized that I had to come up with a way to get us lunch!! Ethan had fixed us cereal for breakfrast, but I still am a little uneasy on those lovely silver crutches. I have a phobia of spilling out on the floor and trying to coach Ethan through calling me in some help!

Of course I am the baby of 3 girls, so I called up my ever-spoiling, ever-helping, ever-wonderful mommy. And she did what she does best, she sent my dad over with Wendy's!

YAY, a baked potato and a chicken sandwich and I was a happy girl.

Thank you Mom and Dad - the best part of being down is having a reason for them to wait on me hand and foot!

It's almost 8 pm and Greg should be home soon, so that will make it an even better day.

My daddy will be taking me to the doctor tomorrow so we will have him to get us lunch. I will be attempting to fix chili for tomorrow evening...I have faith I can do it!

I'll let ya know what the dr says about my crooked scar tomorrow.

Been home over a week now...

It is almost 7 on a Monday evening. My crazy pug is running from the front door to the back barking at noises he hears outside because for once, there aren't any noises inside.

It is just the pug and me right now.

Ethan had basketball practice, so my mom was gracious enough to come straight here after working almost 12 hrs, to take him since Greg isn't home yet. Emma wanted to tag along, of course. Which leaves me sitting on my couch all by my lonesome.

One thing that is going in our favor during this downtime is the amount of true "teaching" I am getting done. I am able to put so much time into each of our lessons that our schooling is turning out to be quite productive.

My leg is another story. I cannot lift it on my own. I wouldn't have ever thought about this being such a problem, but it is.

I physically cannot raise it. I have to grab the end of brace, towards my ankle, and tug on it to pull it up on the foot rest of the couch, or onto my bed.

The incision hasn't caused me any problems, but I am only able to bend it ever-so-slightly, and I'm starting to get concerned that it being straight for over a week has made it so stiff that I'm in for some serious pain when I start my rehab.

I cannot walk, not even one step, without my crutches. What does that mean? I cannot go into the kitchen to whip up a little something, or to even pour myself a drink, or I could maybe pour it I just couldn't carry it back to my seat. I cannot carry anything from one room to another, therefore, tidying up on my own is impossible.

So, I'm seriously looking forward to Wednesday's check-up appointment so that I can find out why I can't lift my leg. That is the only exercise that they specifically tell you to do the first 10 days after surgery, and I'm thinking I may have a small problem if I physically can't do it....hmmm...we shall see.

The help I have received from family and friends has been wonderful! My parents helped keep my children last weekend, then my sister Tarah came over on Monday and made some chili amongst other odds and ends, my sister Indy sent me an edible arrangement as well as bringing me lunch today after taking my children to their Gym n Swim class at the YMCA. A friend, Betsy, made some chicken pot pie for us on Thursday and another friend Lisa made us lasagna for Friday. My mom had a roast, potatos, and carrots delivered from the Butcher Block on Saturday - so thanks to all these folks, we have been taken care of quite well!

I go to the doctor Wednesday am, so I will post another update after that.

Tomorrow I have to go out for my hair appointment, on my own, with 2 kids. I'm not quite sure how I will get up or down the steps on my crutches without Greg's help, and I'm not quite sure how I will get in and out of the van, I do think I'll be okay driving though.

Prayers are appreciated!

4 days with my new ACL...

It is around 2:30, Greg is cleaning up the kitchen, Emma is whistling while she waits for her brother to help her get across the gate that is keeping the dog from attacking my stitched up leg, Ethan is standing at the gate questioning Emma as if he is in the CIA and has to do interrogation before allowing her into the hallway to retrieve her hairbrush.



I am currently icing my knee, and enjoying having the brace off for a few minutes.



I woke up late this morning, actually it was almost noon. Obama was minutes away from giving his acceptance speech when my eyes finally saw daylight.



I did not sleep at all night before last, and only enjoyed two short naps yesterday, so I'm assuming once I got settled in around 11 last night, my body was ready to be restored.



Yesterday when I did get up out of bed, I had an extremely hard time with walking. My leg wasn't cooperating and it was very frustrating even trying to get out of the bed to the bathroom.



I got discharged from the hospital Sunday afternoon and Greg and I made the trip from Princeton to Beckley with my leg awkwardly propped up on bags of hand-me-down clothes in the back of the mini-van. I was in quite a bit of pain, but we made it to the house and then the realization of climbing my front steps set in. It was snowing, and Greg had to shovel and clear off the sidewalk before getting me out of the van. However, it was so cold and so icy, Greg was extremely nervous about me getting out and getting into the house.



I stepped onto the sidewalk and immediately realized that my best bet was to "scoot", or slide myself towards the steps. It was a little unnerving not being steady on my feet under such slippery conditions, but we got to the bottom step and I begged Greg to let me go up by sliding up on my bottom. The physical therapist had mentioned using that as a last route in case steps were too daunting for me in the early days after surgery. He took my crutches, but then the thought of my hands and bottom on that icy cold brick caused me to attempt the climbing with my feet and crutches first. We stood there for what seemed like a good 2 or 3 minutes before I was able to muster up the courage to lift my good leg up off the ground. You lead with your good leg going up steps, you lead with the bad going down - this is what the therapist told me. Yeah, um, easier said than done.



The motivation of getting a warm shower overtook me and I was able to make it up the steps, through the door and into the bathroom. I got a shower and Greg got me onto the couch where I settled in for the evening.



I struggled with leg cramps and muscle spasms the rest of the evening. I couldn't rest or relax at all. Greg sat down beside me and decided we'd watch "Get Smart" with the Rock and Anne Hathaway...for anyone who has watched TV with Greg, you know that he shouts, laughs, and expresses himself very boisterously and isn't able to control his legs and arms as they jerk and flail around like an animal!!! So - I was quite annoyed and had to ask him to remove himself from my side and take a seat in the recliner away from me!

I was anxious to get in the bed in hopes that I would be able to be more comfortable there, but we tried several different pillow arrangements, only to find that comfort wasn't in the cards for me for a while.

I was awake all night and then slept for a few hours yesterday morning. When Greg lifted my leg yesterday and then placed my foot on the floor to try to walk, my breath was taken away by the amount of pressure I felt in my incision area. We had just removed the bandages and my scar was now visible. It is crooked...Greg finds this incredibly amusing! Yes, my permanent marking, the only tangible memento I will have to show everyone how I regained my ability to run, jump and frolic with a new ACL - it is crooked.


Moving on.


I was excited to finally welcome Ethan and Emma back home. They had been staying with my parents, and because Ethan had basketball practice, my parents were going to bring them home and stay with me while Greg took Ethan to practice.

Emma was extremely scared of my leg and the possibility of hurting me, by accident of course. Nevertheless, she wasn't feeling very good herself and was slow to actually come and sit with me. Finally, she came and curled up with me on the couch and it felt so good having them them home with me.

Today, I was able to get up and walk much easier. It is still a little uncomfortable and it isn't like I think I'm ready to just get on with my everyday life, but I was able to set down and get up off the couch by myself without Greg lifting my leg as if it were it's own entity.

I'm feeling much more independent and I'm not really feeling much pain, that is a good trade.

Emma and I are here on the couch now, Greg took Ethan to run errands.. We had quite a scare a few minutes ago. Emma said, "Uh, Mommy, I think my nose is bleeding." She was right, as she turned to me blood was making it's way down her nose and was all over her arm! Sitting on my light-colored creamy couch, I was trying to think quick!! I of course, could not get up and get to the bathroom in time to get a towel and catch it! So, we ruined her shirt by using it as a napkin. But we saved the couch and stopped the bleeding. First real emergency on our own, and we survived.

Thank you to all who have been praying for my recovery!

I am feeling good and I can't wait to get my rehab started next week!

Staying ahead of the pain...

Alrighty then, it is 5:00 am on Sunday morning.

Friday morning we arrived in Princeton around 10 after 8. They pointed us in the direction of "Day Surgery", and I took in my last few moments of being able to walk on my own as I eagerly awaited the time I could put on my trendy hospital gown.

We took our coats off in a small room with a curtain, and the nurse promptly brought me a purple gown of paper and some matching purple socks...
Just as she was instructing me for my wardrobe change, another nurse came in and whisked me away. Dr. Branson's first patient had cancelled, and although I wasn't scheduled for my surgery til later on, they were ready to get this show on the road! So, we went on into the surgery prep area where I finally got to slip into my purple attire and amuse the nurses as they came and went.

It is times like those that I truly enjoy being able to bring a smile to others when they are there to help and encourage me. I joked with them of how the incident occurred, my professional volleyball skills, the idea of going under and how I needed to make sure they gave me enough sleep aide because a doctor in the past assured me a woman of my size needs more medicine than the ol' average petite ladies of our day in time. (true story)

I was so grateful to have Greg by my side. He is a good man, and the Lord has definitely equipped him with knowledge on care taking through his mom's illness. I'm so thankful he is my husband.

They gave me, a littl' somethin' to take the edge off, and I waited for them to take me on back.

I don't remember how long I waited there, but then a guy carrying a cute blue hair cap started my way and I knew it was time. They wheeled me into surgery, had me scoot onto the table, and started strapping my arms down. The sweet nurse held my hand and wiped my gigantic tears as she encouraged me to find my happy place. Then I saw the oxygen mask come over my head and onto my face...

When I woke up in the recovery room, I started crying, and sometime between 8 and 10 yesterday morning I stopped. The pain was more than I had ever imagined. My body wasn't responding to the pain medicine like they said it should, and I honestly felt that I had made a huge mistake by choosing to have this operation.

They had me get up and walk, instructing me on how to use crutches, and when I got back in bed I just wanted lots of medication and a good night's rest. The procedure is typically outpatient, but the nurse suggested I stay at least one night due to the amount of pain I was experiencing.

Good idea nurse.

We got settled into our room that night and then I just spent my time longing for the next time the nurse would come in to give me relief thru m IV.

The doctor came in and assured me I was ready to spread my wings and fly. The Physical Therapists came in and assured me the same thing. They helped me do some walking, and even had me going up and down steps in preparation for my departure. I, however, didn't feel ready to go. I wasn't pushy, but I stuck my ground, and through a lot of prayers and a wonderful nursing staff vouching for me, they gave me the okay to stay through this morning.

I should be discharged sometime before noon.

My leg is swollen and it is really uncomfortable to have to lay flat on my back with my leg straight, but the vision of me and my family enjoying "activities" this coming summer and fall assure me I made the right decision.

Now that they have the medicine on a schedule, every 4 hrs, and I'm doing what they call, staying ahead of the pain, I feel so much better.

It reminds me of our walk with Christ. And how we can become so "holy" or so dependant on him during the trials, during the pain...He wants us to stay ahead of the pain by drawing close to him daily. If we can remind ourselves to work on our personal relationship with Christ through reading His word, prayer and worship...He will be our refuge through those trials, and we'll be better prepared to handle what is coming our way. I know what it felt like waiting for that relief to kick in, and that is what our lives can be like if we fail to be proactive in our walk with the Lord. So, challenge yourself to stay ahead of the difficult times you will surely face by "stocking up" on God's promises through the reading of His word.

I will start rehab in a week, I will be limited to walking ONLY with crutches for about 3 months, and then I should be able to start some light activity.

I'm thankful for all the prayers and support from all of my friends and family.

I'm excited to see the lessons God will teach me through this difficult time for me and those closest to me. I look forward to spending days schooling E n E in my bed, cross-stitching some goodies for my sister's baby she is carrying, and encouraging Greg's skills as a Chef!!

In other words...I'm gonna enjoy my downtime while enjoying eating pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

A farewell to my left knee as I now know it...

Okay, so I can drink water for 1 more minute...

Well...that minute is up and now I have to do no gum, no water, no mints, not a drop of anything until after surgery tomorrow.

That is the easy part.

I figured since it is midnight and I am honestly still too nervous to settle in for the "night before ACL reconstructive surgery", I would write an ode to my ruptured ACL.

A farewell to all the good times we had, and a small glimpse of exciting dreams for the future I will have with a piece of my Patellar Tendon and 2 nice little screws that will now serve as my ACL.

Anterior Cruciate Ligament...Oh how you've served me, let me count the ways...

So, I wasn't exactly the most athletic youngster.

I can remember my oldest sister being quite the baller. That is she could actually make a shot when we would play CAT with the boys from church a couple times in the summer. My middle sister has come into her athletic ability later in life. She has managed to drop over 100 lbs doing Karate and Kickboxing...she has impressed me this last year with her determination.

As for me, the baby of the three Cadle (also commonly, yet incorrectly pronounced CATTLE) girls, I should have just stayed behind my guitar.

What I should not have done, is decide at age 28 I would become a full-fledged middle-aged athlete.

I played volleyball professionally for the Crescent Chipmunks in the 5th and 6th grades.

After that...well...I played once a year at the Sunday School picnic!

But this past year had been a more athletic year and on the evening of October 28th I was feeling sporty.

This past spring I joined the Y.

I played racquetball for the first time.

I never realized that I could have so much of an urge to urinate from laughing, that is until I played racquetball. I guess it is just funnier when you think you still have some coordination and a padded room, a blue ball, and a miniature racket prove you otherwise. Add this one to your bucket list...play racquetball with uncoordinated friend. Well worth your time, guaranteed.

I enjoyed working out at the YMCA. And although I have held a gym membership, at 3 different gyms over the last 4 years, I haven't always "exercised" my membership privileges. Such as, I don't know, actually going??

But this year was different. I was going 3 to 5 times a week. We weren't just doing the treadmill or weights, and I was thoroughly enjoying my attempt at becoming athletic.

I learned to swim in July. I started diving in August, I would say I learned to dive, but we'll have to wait and make sure I can do it again this summer before I state that is an actual, well, an actual thing that I can do on demand.

I started playing basketball with Ethan a lot more. I actually bought a bicycle, a purple one, and a silver helmet. The kids and I rode around. I rode down a gravel driveway, screaming the entire way down. It was quite fun.

So - bottom line is, I was feeling like I could take on the world. Or at least, some of my older friends....

About a month or so prior to the death of my ACL, we were at, yes you guessed it, a church picnic. We always had a volleyball net up at our outdoor church functions. I had brought our volleyball. We were just back from our Disney vacation and it was strangely warm for mid-September. I was thoroughly disappointed when I walked out and there wasn't a net. I don't know if it was the brat in me, or just the desire for that "athletic fix" I had been feeding off of all summer, but I wanted to play some ball!

So, I drove all the way out to the sporting goods store to buy a net. I came back to the church and made my poor husband, and other poor guys, beat wooden sticks into the ground to halfway put up a volleyball net.

I was happy.

Until we started playing. I wasn't as good as I remembered being when I was a Chipmunk. We only played for around 45 minutes. I had spent 2 hrs trying to get a net and get it up.

I left feeling such a void. I was so unsatisfied with my performance, and I couldn't wait to play again.

I organized a group of friends to get together to play that Thursday night after Ethan's football practice. We would play outside at the church, on my new net.

As we sat there watching Ethan practice, the inevitable happened. It started raining.

I was broken-hearted. I decided we'd head to the YMCA to play, we rounded everyone up and off we went for our first night of volleyball. Man, we had a blast!

We played 2, sometimes 3 nights a week for the next few weeks. Greg and I were having so much fun getting that little bit of healthy competition. And sure enough, week by week, my old skills were coming back. Now, was I GREAT?? No, I wasn't.

But...

Life, my dear friend, was better. I was sleeping better. I was eating better. I was living better...

I was better.

We started mixing some basketball into the plan. I wasn't good at that, but it was fun learning about the game. I felt a sense of accomplishment trying something different, after all, this had been my year of broadening my horizons.

That Tuesday night we had friends in from out of town. Friends that were athletic and good at basketball. We all gathered in the gym and started with some basketball. I was getting upset because I was so confused, and let's just be honest, I can shoot some basketball, but when people start PLAYING basketball. I should sit and watch. So, that's what I did.

Well, actually I sat and pouted.

So - they gave in and I actually got my way. It was time for volleyball.

I was serving first. Bam-Bam-Bam, it was a good night. My overhand had come back, and I was scoring some major points!!

My void....it was filled.

We rotated twice, I was on the front row beside my friend from out of town, we'll call her Macademian. She IS a basketball player. A girl from the back row screams, "Yeah Macademian, now you can spike it!!"

M says, "I cannot!!"

I say, "YES YOU CAN, IT IS AS EASY AS 1, 2, Together JUMP!!!!

My fingertips go about 2 inches higher than the net...

I come down...

I am down.

I am stunned. No pain. Just stunned. My leg feels really strange. I push my heel out. I hear a loud pop and it starts shaking. Everyone thinks what you would think if you knew me and were there that night. I was joking.

When I wasn't getting up, they realized, maybe she isn't joking.

They started to gather around me.

I sat up stretching my leg and bending my knee. Something felt strange.

I hobbled over to a seat and assured everyone to carry on, joking with M, "That is how you DON'T spike a ball!"

Then it was there. More than ever. Digging at me. Calling my name.

The void.

I wanted to play. I didn't care that I had just made a complete idiot of myself, I'm kinda used to that. I wanted to play some BALL!!!!!!! I got up and went to the middle of the court. Everyone said sit down. The ball came to my right side and I bumped it, good bump I thought. I'm okay. It came back to me, on my left. I shifted my weight to the left and that's when I felt it. Or shall I say I should have felt something...but I didn't.

Void, this time not just in my gut from wanting to play some ball, but inside my knee...nothing - it was void.

My husband and friends helped me to the van. X-rays the next day, MRI the next week, 2 1/2 months later and I'm preparing to go under the knife so that in a year from now I can try to fill that void.

You see, when you're 28 and you've "let yourself go", and you just had started finding ways to be healthier, feel healthier, and look healthier....a torn ACL is more than an injury - it's a blanket of refreshing, clear H20 being sprayed on a burning desire for change.

I am going to be a tough girl.

I will rehab my knee so that I can ride my purple bike with E n E in a few months. So that I can take them swimming and try that dive again.

So that in a year from now...

I can play volleyball like an almost 30 something who knows what it is like to be forced to be inactive, instead of choosing it.

Again, I'm just writing to appreciate...