Writing to help appreciate...

And now for the other side of the poll...

2011-02-25T08:21:00.001-08:00

If someone were to post, as their Facebook status update, the following statement, what would your response be?

It saddens me to think that you would choose home education for your child thinking that it could possibly be in their best interest. How will they be prepared for college?

Now, this is completely hypothetical. I've always said I understand home education isn't for everyone. Different strokes for different folks.

I just want to know how you would react to this statement being posted on a public forum by a parent who chooses public education.

A friendly poll, for mature adults. Please voice your opinion!

2011-02-25T08:01:00.001-08:00

If I were to post, as my Facebook status update, the following statement, what would your response be?

It saddens me to think that you would choose public education for your child thinking that it could possibly be in their best interest. How will they be prepared for life?

Now, this is completely hypothetical. I've always said I am not anti-public education. Different strokes for different folks.

I just want to know how you would react to this statement being posted on a public forum by a homeschooling parent.

Hoping to figure out a better way...

2010-11-18T18:38:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to simplify here...

Trying to make Jamie Buckland a one stop shop for my writing, my music, and my crafting.

I hope you'll be patient, and also loyal, to seeking me out over there to read any future posts.

I am hoping to figure out a way to actually MOVE my blog from here to there, but until then, just check it out there, okay? Okay.

How was lunch?

2010-11-15T10:23:00.000-08:00

I had an extra child at the table when we set down to school today. For those who find they relate to this, I share your joy in being able to school a, shall we call them, a free spirit?

Ah, my Emma. Anyway...

I took a late nap yesterday. Bad idea. It resulted in my being up til 3am. On top of not being able to sleep, my throat started to feel slightly scratchy, and I just didn't rest well. I'm married to the greatest man on earth? Have I ever told you that before? Well, I am. Every morning, it is the norm for me to awake, prepare breakfast (something not cold), pack his lunch (cold), and send him out the door. I only do not cold breakfasts to get my bottom out of the bed. So, for those who think I'm such a great wife and cook, let the curtain be pulled back. I am not a morning person, I am lazy, but I am not worthless. So knowing that I can't rely on my man pouring himself a bowl of cereal, and knowing that I can't live with having him go hungry all day, well, it gets me outta bed in the morning.

Now, there are a few mornings where I roll over, and in my most manipulative sleepy voice say, "Do you need me?" Ha, and I will say that most mornings he says, "Yes." To which I grouchily arise and head to put on my apron.

But this morning, he said, "No." Thus the reason he's the greatest man on earth. He could tell I really didn't feel all that well. I had thought I heard him packing his own lunch, but I was mistaken. I saw the belongings to my purse scattered abroad when I did get up, which only happens when he's scavenging for cash.

So, when he called to tell me he to write down a withdraw in the check register, I felt better knowing although he had had no luck in my purse, he was getting him some moolah to get him some grub. Goodbye guilt.

So, now to feed these kiddos. Well, this will do...

Leftover pizza, leftover cinnamon rolls, and a can of good ol' Ravioli :) Hope your lunch was satisfying today. It's back to the grind here.

Grace: Do your kids just think it's what you say before that first bite?

2010-11-14T22:06:00.000-08:00

There is much to be said about this word.

I have realized I'm an amateur at giving it. And although needy of it, I am also an amateur at resting in it. And finally, I am sure that I have become a student of it.

I started hearing the message about a year ago from friends around the way.

It started creeping into family conversations at Sunday dinners.

Having been raised in a good ol' once in grace always in grace culture, well, I just figured there wasn't much more I needed to know about it.

I was wrong.

I'm still learning, but obviously, still not in complete understanding.

But what I've found is that even those who know about it, preach it, and really seem to understand it, still find themselves living in such a manner that is ignorant of it from time to time. So, therefore, I am reminded He wants me to take time out of my day to submit to Him working on me some more...

Are you aware of grace? Really aware?

Would love for you to read this, and share your thoughts.

The Big E

2010-11-13T17:54:00.001-08:00

Right now, I'm comfy in my favorite spot of my two-seater chair, with just a few sips of Pepsi left in the can to my right. My dog is snuggled in by my side, and my loaner cell phone that is temporarily replacing the one that went through the laundry last night, is by my other side.

My daughter is dancing around freshly showered in fresh pjs with a freshly pulled tooth in a Ziploc baggy.

My son, who is almost at his daddy's shoulder, is standing shirtless beside his daddy, who is just back from having to make an evening trip out for work in Mullens, as the two of them make the most of borrowed Wii time.

Ah...the goings on of a Saturday evening.

Hard to believe the view from this same comfy spot last night looked like this...

Ethan turned 10 on November 3rd. Can I just say that it is strange when your baby boy hits double digits? Being Ethan's mom is an absolutely joyful, and amazingly rewarding experience. Ten years ago, I was at a very difference place in life. You can kinda get the picture by reading about his beginnings here.

Even after writing that post a year and a half ago, things have changed. I have changed. I am sitting under teachings of grace that He has used to open me up and show me grace in an entirely new light.

What does this have to do with Ethan's birthday? A lot.

He is using grace to teach me so much about parenting, and discipling, my young man.

And I must just say, I love who He is forming Ethan to be. And I thank God that out of my rebellion, He could build us into the family we are today. Praise be to my God.

Okay, with all that being said, last night we had 8 of Ethan's bestest buddies over for a sleepover. We don't buy Ethan or Emma birthday gifts from us, don't worry, they don't go without! The grandparents did a fantastic job, and supplied him with a new DSI and a MP3 player this year!

So anyway, because we don't do gifts, we do provide the actual party. We live on a single income, so it requires me to be a tad more creative than buying the most popular party favors, ordering a cake, and inviting everyone and their mama for a "different" kind of "wow" birthday party.

Well, let me just say, I guarantee my boy didn't feel this was a sacrifice AT ALL!

I looked at lots of different ideas for party favors. Something the boys could play with here, and then take home. Last year, we did small Lego toys. They were about $5 a piece. Well, I just couldn't afford that this year. So, we went with insulation foam lightsabers covered in duct tape. Each lightsaber was about $1.89 a piece. Not too shabby. The boys got creative, and had double sabers before you knew it...I was impressed.

Between borrowing the Wii from my sister, and having a friend bring their controllers, too, we were able to supply sufficient entertainment for our 9 fun-seeking guys.

So, what's the other big cost to throwing your kid a party? Food.

Well, with a little effort, and some extra dish washing, you can cut cost there, too.

I made 3 pizzas from scratch. I'd say each pizza probably cost me about $2.50. I only bought 3 2 liters of pop, each were $0.79. Once they were gone, we just did water. For dessert, Ethan asked for hot fudge brownies. So, from my mawmaw's Betty Crocker cookbook, I whipped up a 9X13 pan of some unbelievably scrumptious brownies. Then drizzled a bottle of microwavable glaze I picked up at Wal-Mart atop, since I couldn't find an ingredient to make the icing I wanted to on my own...at first I was bummed, but then I realized the bottle of glaze for a few bucks wasn't so bad after all!

One gallon of vanilla ice cream was about $3, the brownies and icing would probably be just under $6, and then poor guy had to settle for just 3 candles since that was all we had in the cabinet!

This morning, we had cinnamon rolls from scratch, couldn't have had more than about $3 in all 24 rolls.

So, if my calculations are correct...

Party favors for 9 boys = $17.01

Food to feed 9 boys = $19.50

Entertainment for 9 boys = free

Watching 9 boys fight to near death with foam, wrestle fairly to the 3 count out, and giggle uncontrollably over each other's antics...

yeah, you know it...priceless!

Pride. Sin. Proverbs.

2010-11-11T06:15:00.000-08:00

Good discussion going on here about comparing ourselves to one another.

Is our pride at work when we post status updates about something we've accomplished? Or is it at work when we withdraw from doing such for fear that someone will think ill of us?

Good stuff.

like a jewel in the nose of a pig

2010-11-11T05:15:00.000-08:00

Busy day yesterday, enjoying friends in from New Mexico, but today's Proverbs is proving to be full of good ol' wisdom!

22 As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion.

Well, on Facebook last night I posted this.

And it's good to know we have these lovely young ladies below to offer up as role models to our babes.

Ah yes, here we have Miranda Cosgrove. What 8 year old girl shouldn't be admiring her idol's I heart boys shirt?

Now, for Selena Gomez. We wouldn't catch her leaving a bar or behaving badly, at least that is what the article says. But, would we catch her actually wearing modest clothes? Or just being labeled modest when compared to good ol' Miley?

Now we have Victoria Justice. Is anyone else seeing the masterminding behind this marketing? What pendulum swing are they talking about? They say that "this" is the modest side!

Ah, and my new personal least favorite, Miss Swift. Talented? Yes, very. But innocent, sweet, and modest? No. Far from it. Please, please, please parents! The very article that claims statistics for all the damage these immodest Hollywood girls are doing, tells you that these girls are the modest ones to look up to.

I pray that someone who was viewing these shows, these songs, these idols, as harmless to their little girls, sees this and has their eyes open to the filth it is, like a jewel in the nose of a pig...

How do I respond to criticism?

2010-11-09T05:09:00.000-08:00

That tells a lot about a person, eh?

I've been criticised a fair share in the last few years. Some of it very justified. Very. And looking back, I think I've had plenty of practice at learning how to take it well!

Some of it I had to look at who was doing the criticising and pray that I would have discernment to see if they were wise or foolish. Does that sound mean? Ah, don't the Scriptures tell us to do just that?

Anywho - today's Proverbs is a good 'un. I'm not a huge fan of The Message version, but I thought it post-worthy this time...

7-12 If you reason with an arrogant cynic, you'll get slapped in the face;
confront bad behavior and get a kick in the shins.
So don't waste your time on a scoffer;
all you'll get for your pains is abuse.
But if you correct those who care about life,
that's different—they'll love you for it!
Save your breath for the wise—they'll be wiser for it;
tell good people what you know—they'll profit from it.
Skilled living gets its start in the Fear-of-God,
insight into life from knowing a Holy God.
It's through me, Lady Wisdom, that your life deepens,
and the years of your life ripen.
Live wisely and wisdom will permeate your life;
mock life and life will mock you.

We've been talking with Ethan about how he takes criticism. Trying to help him to practice humility even when he feels it is unjust. This is a hard lesson to learn! But a necessary one to teach.

Whose your biggest critic? Is there some truth to be found in their advising?

How do you respond to criticism? If it is unjust? If it is just?

When the Word stirs

2010-11-08T03:51:00.000-08:00

I sat under biblical teaching yesterday.

Teaching that sent me pouring through Proverbs to further investigate what a wise person looks like, and what a foolish person looks like.

I find that my flesh can be pretty foolish, yet as a new creation, I'm not given over to foolishness as frequently as I once was.

It reminded me to get back in Proverbs. We used to read Proverbs, a chapter a day, but for the past few months, we started a new Bible reading and it replaced Proverbs. I am thinking that a daily Proverbs reading is a pretty fantastic supplement.

Today, the 8th, what is my mind stirring about after reading it?

Wisdom in Creation.

What stirs your mind when reading Proverbs 8? Well, try it and see!

per Martin Luther's quote

2010-11-04T19:26:00.000-07:00

Is it true that not everyone has the OPPORTUNITY to have the Holy Scriptures as the spine of their child's education?

What is keeping the Holy Scriptures as being the spine of your child's education?

The original quote was...

I am afraid that the schools will prove the very gates of hell, unless they diligently labour in explaining the Holy Scriptures, and engraving them on the hearts of youth. I would advise no one to send his child where the Holy Scriptures are not supreme. Every institution in which men and women are not unceasingly occupied with the Word of God must be corrupt.--Martin Luther

So, I want to hear from you guys, does the public school system hinder the engraving of the scriptures? If you say no, then you say no! No need to defend yourself! But I do want to hear the positives, really, I do! I want to hear how it's helping to raise godly young men and women.

But if you say yes, then why?

And if yes, and you use the public school system? Why do you use it? Do you think your child being taught evolution will challenge their belief in Creation? Are you just praying that it won't be that bad?

What's It Mean?

2010-10-19T22:56:00.000-07:00

Well, let's just say that it is 2AM and I'm sitting in the floor of my living room too excited to sleep.

Darn you obsessive thoughts.

At around 12:30, we finally went to bed. Greg was watching the news and it had funny stuff about the political ads, and of course, WV was making national headlines.

Anyway, as soon as we laid down, I had a sentence running through my head, "Mama, what's it mean to be good?" Then it had a beat to it, and it was followed by, "Mama, what's it mean to be kind?" And then I was going up into the high chord, and then back to G, and then dropping down into D...and oh well...I had to get up out of bed and see what this was going on in my head.

Greg blamed it on the fact he made me a glass of chocolate milk at 9pm, I blame the 30 minute nap I took this afternoon while the kids were watching Animal Planet. Being a weirdo dreamer anyway, dreams are C to the R to the A to the Z to the Y when you're napping in the living room while a narrator is telling of how Iraqi soldiers rescued a baby camel...yeah, pretty darn weird...

Either way, I was up and in the floor here with the Ibanez, my daddy's beautiful blond, jumbo body guitar, jotting down lyrics and strumming when my cell phone rings. It says Gregaroni. I'm skeered. Sure enough shutting his door hadn't proven enough refuge from my monstrous vocals. And I was being REALLY quiet, I promise!

Now, to help you picture it, let me offer you up a photo of me I just snapped...

What's that? You don't think that is for real? Ok, so I'm busted, it usually takes me til 8 or so before I look like that on the average day...anywho - here's a for real shot of me and ol' blondie this AM...

Why am I cheesing so hard? Well, because it's warm back inside.

You guessed it. When the phone rang, it was my supportive husband asking me to take my show outside to the garage. So, since the theme of this whole friggin' song was Titus 2, I thought I'd better obey...so yeah, out I went.

Anyway - it was well worth it. This may be one of my favorite songs...EVER...finally, a song inspired by my mama, hope it was worth the wait mom!

Here are the lyrics - hope to get to perform it for all of you live sometime soon, the lawn mower, the water hose, the tool box, and the yard sale boxes all thought it rocked.

What's It Mean? It's a rocky, kinda, up-beat little diddy...

If I could go back

back to the years of my youth

Mama there's so many questions

I should have been askin you

It isn't like you wouldn't have

sat me down and gave me the truth

I guess our hearts have to be ready

for the seed to not find rock

And at that time mine was so jagged

It's amazing the battle you fought

Oh, I should have been askin'

Mama, what's it mean to be good?

Mama, what's it mean to be kind?

Mama, what's it mean to be pure?

And to not seek my refuge in a bottle of wine?

Mama, what's it mean to watch my words?

Mama, what's it mean to have self-control?

Mama, what's it mean to obey my man?

And what does it mean to be a keeper of the home?

I know that God had a plan

Even though I hadn't sought Him

He finally found rich soil

Where the rocks and weeds had been

And mama I know your prayers

Are what helped to clear them

And over the last few years

We've got to see Him at work

How he's given me so much joy

In place of so much hurt

I started askin'...

Mama....(refrain)

When I look in her eyes

a little me is what I see

And I see this world's tainted views

Tryin' to show her what a woman should be

And I pray that every day

God's teaching her through me

I wanna stand with her

As she wears her dress of white

Able to give God the praise

for the answers that night

When she was askin'...

Mama... (Refrain)

Okay, schew...I feel so much better. I think I'll be able to find some sleep!

Don't forget to check out my website at here and let me know what you think :)

Really, who am I?

2010-10-13T05:08:00.000-07:00

Trying to put this album together is proving to be somewhat draining...I don't know if it is the process that is really draining me, but the thoughts about all of it, well, they definitely are.

I don't know the last time I felt so vulnerable.

I'm realizing how many times I've accepted an opportunity, because I'm confident in what I can do, only to walk away unsure of how it was received.

Some of you may think that doesn't sound much like the Jamie you know...but, you forming an opinion on my beliefs, well, that isn't uncomfortable for me, at all. But you forming an opinion on my beauty, or lack thereof, my abilities, or my talents, well, that's a whole 'nother ballgame.

I wouldn't consider myself an insecure person, in fact, I'm almost always too confident...that's where I get tripped up, you see. I feel as though I have a read on where I stand, how good I am, and what I can accomplish, so putting myself out there for someone else to possibly not agree, hmmm, it is slightly uncomfortable.

Humility isn't something I've always understood. But I feel as I matured, I began to realize how little my talent has to do with me...now how I choose to use it, well, I think that is where the humility comes into play. Even now, I want to be able to accept compliments without making a fuss...but it just feels weird...

As Amy would say...

If I cannot in honest happiness take the second place (or the twentieth); if I cannot take the first without making a fuss about my unworthiness, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

So who am I? A chosen daughter of the Almighty God, a help meet to a man who can't get enough of me, a mother to children who like to play with me, a vocalist who can carry a tune, a musician who can strum along...those things I am sure of...

But it's the others that leave me drained.

A daughter whose made her earthly father and mother proud? unsure...

A sister whose service to her family is notable? unsure...

A friend whose good intentions can be seen through a harsh tone, an offending post, or a disapproving glance? unsure...

A writer whose words can stir emotion, create conversation, and even trigger thoughts of change? totally unsure...

I'm having to think a lot about who I am so that I am careful to not portray myself, my songs, or my image in a way that is contrary to the consistent Jamie. This is proving tough. I just know that there are some things I'd rather be known for...and singing & playing music isn't at the top of the list.

Wednesday

2010-10-06T05:18:00.000-07:00

Prayerful today...

Sin has been revealed that I have struggled with and questioned for a long time.

No place for guilt, no place for regret, I realize that grace has me covered.

It is an empty feeling when you are ashamed of things you've said, things you've done, ways you've behaved.

As empty as it feels, it is a good empty. A lighter empty. A load has been lifted. A chip removed from the shoulder.

I won't focus on Her...the flesh woman that stirs inside of me...I won't focus on Her desires...which are for the ways of man and not the ways of the Lord.

Thankful for revelation this morning...and for forgiveness...and for pumpkin bread, which turned out really yummy.

Now, how long before I am tested? Probably moments...God give me strength.

Georgia on my mind

2010-10-04T05:07:00.001-07:00

not really

But I do have other things on my mind this morning.

Why did I spend all that time cleaning yesterday instead of finishing my preparations for our first day of school?

Why didn't I get up til 7:15 when my alarm went off at 5:30?

What will this school year be like? hard? easy? stressful? fun? enjoyable? monumental? etched in my children's memory as the year mom completely lost her marbles? (halfway joking about the last)

What will this pumpkin bread taste like?

What songs should I sing on this CD? (going in studio this Saturday)

What do I name this CD?

What was I thinking booking a photographer to take pictures of me for this CD?

What was I thinking booking a studio to even do this CD?

What do I wear for this photo shoot?

What if I pay all this money to make this CD and no one buys it?

What if people buy it and are disappointed with it?

Why is this so weird and uncomfortable for me to even type?

Wonder if the rain will clear long enough for a walk this afternoon? if not, do I go to the gym?

Should I take back the black sweater I bought since I found a black jacket I like better?

Where did the 40 brand new school pencils go that were just in the pencil holder a month ago?

How can my children, who are getting so old, be so huggable, lovable, and squeezable first thing in the morning?

Yeap, may not be Georgia, but plenty on my mind today.

It's the little things

2010-09-30T04:44:00.000-07:00

Isn't it?

They just come up out of the tall grass and bite ya!

Or...

They just appear in the sky with their unmistakable arch and color and make you sigh with appreciation of God's promises!

Which little things are gettin' at ya these days?

Little goods?

or

Little bads?

I snap at my kids for repeating little bads that I allowed my television to teach them.

I snap at my hubs for a little bad that makes me go from calm & cool to boiling blood in 2.2 seconds.

I lose my focus and complain for little bads that are laying around the house after I've worked to rid it of clutter.

I sink into a state of obsessive "what if" thoughts over a little bad from a close friend.

Why are theses little bads playing such a big part in the game of my life?

And why am I so stinkin' slow to notice, to see, to appreciate, the little goods?

I want to evaluate less and enjoy more, ya know?

These little goods are being passed up, they are being ignored, they are being overshadowed.

By what?

Not just by little bads. Nope.

By my flesh who is hungry for bad.

Oh Christ, I pray you'll continue to crucify my flesh so that my hunger for good cannot be satisfied.

Sure, I let plenty of little bads go, but plenty more are the goods that do not receive my attention. And there is a difference, because sometimes I shouldn't let the bads go. They are foxes after the vineyard, as the Song of Solomon says, and some little things must be discussed, sorted through, and resolved.

But there are times to rest in misunderstanding, when the fox has done his damage, and the fruit is lost. This is when I pray God will make me more sensitive to the goods.

Today I shall look for the goods. I shall pray for eyes that see the goods. I shall pray for ears that hear the goods, a mouth that offers up the goods, fingers that type out the goods...After all, when I started this blog, my hope was that writing would help me appreciate. I pray today it helps you, too.

a reply...to a reply...to a reply...

2010-09-18T02:44:00.000-07:00

So, after I read threw a post on a friendly Facebook debate again this morning, I really felt as though meekness wasn't just being quiet, it was something different this time, and I'm hoping my discernment isn't failing me here...

I'm not choosing to post my reply on the growing post on Facebook, out of respect for those who may not give 2 hoots to come and read it. However, how can us openly, not out of hate, but out of love, seeking out His Word and what it says for our life, hurt us?

Here is my reply...

I feel I at least need to address a few things for the sake of the other readers out there :)

1. Not biblical that men are visual - you helped me out there, yes, all a man has to do is look with lust and it's a sin. Why is God warning against this? Because men are visual. Some women may get aroused visually, I'm not out to say that it NEVER happens. There is a reason why you see schlumpy guys with hot chicks way more than you see hot dudes with schlumpy gals...God made them that way, read Song of Solomon. Yes, it is biblical.

2. Men are not as emotional as women. hmmmm...actually, no...The Greek in 1 Peter 3:7 is clear that women and men are absolutely not the same when it comes to emotions, women were created to be softer, nurturing, and to reach our breaking point much quicker. In fact, He's giving instruction to the men on how to care for us because of that. It isn't God's intention for men to not be emotional, however, it isn't His intention for them to be more emotional than us. They are to be stronger emotionally than we are. Society may encourage them to bottle up their emotions, but my man, and most of the godly men I know, do not advocate that at all. They should have a caring, soft wife that they can come and seek refuge with, to "let it all out" if you will....my hubs often refers to me as his sponge, he can bring me all of his woes from the day, and I'll rub his shoulders and soak 'em all up to be washed away!

3. Men and women are more alike than they are different - hmmm....not actually, there are numerous scriptures that defines our roles, our purpose, and how God intends for us to live, and ALL, but one, of them point to our differences, not our similarities. We shouldn't get stuck on the exceptions, the extremes, the "what ifs", we need only trust that the inspired word of God isn't that difficult...He meant what He said when He said it...Now, everyone loves to throw in Galatians 3:28 in here, however, the entire book of Galatians was written concerning what? Salvation. Yes, Salvation is given to those who God calls and they accept, but it doesn't change our role. To say that verse implies women and men are now equal in the roles, well it's typically because it's the only verse that can be twisted that way. However, you'd have to omit the passages before it and after it to come to that conclusion. You asked how we could relate if we are so different? Well, that's just it, Paul compares the union between husband and wife to a mystery, the same mystery of the union of Christ and His church. Ephesians 5:32 So, even though we may relate to one another at times, that isn't just cause to say we are more alike than we are different.Proverbs 30:18 also speaks of the mystery of a man and a woman coming together in love.

4. I consider it a privilege to share the good news, but yes it is a commandment, just as it is a commandment to obey our husbands.

5.causing others to sin, responsibility - If I regularly dress immodestly, as a believer, and excuse it away, the Word of God is blasphemed. Titus 2 If I think it is the man's problem that he thinks I'm attractive, yet my chest is exposed and my skirt too tight, I'm not taking responsibility for my own sin. 1 John1:6 I've heard stories of young boys who attend church in pure agony because of the women who think they are "just being attractive'. These boys, struggling with raging hormones, can't help but become aroused by the tight skirts and plunging neck lines. Now, there are extremes, but let's not get confused here, what is said by the way we dress? Sin isn't just something we act out, in fact, in the Bible, sin is used more times as a verb than it is a noun. It is an active entity that is wrestling against the Holy Spirit, and when we fail to dress with chaste, we are not helping our brothers in Christ. We should honor God in how we dress, or in what we drive, if it is to catch people's attention, then yeah, it's sinful. I dress in a way that is attractive to my husband, but also have to be respectful of the other men around me. To be honest, my hubs and I struggle here. I'd feel more comfortable dressing more conservative, however, Greg likes me to look a certain way...so, it is a thin line I walk being careful to please him and still feel I'm honoring God.

6. Now to be fair, with the whole women vs. other women thing...ah, this is one of my favorites...I have hot friends, lots of them :) So, I totally can plead not guilty to that one :) However, it's interesting to me that this is constantly brought up in this type of debate. As though women who are advocating that the way we dress isn't an issue are somewhat more secure than those who feel called to be more conservative. However, isn't the opposite the truth? Typically, women who dress immodestly are doing so to feed an insecurity and to make themselves feel good. However, for me, I feel MUCH more secure in who I am now than I did 10 years ago when I had no conviction over my appearance. And let me be clear, I feel it is pretty easy for me because I'm also blessed with a man who not only says, but proves daily, that I am the hottest thing since sliced bread...no hooch with her tatas hangin' has a chance :) oh yeah, and Greg is my ordained provider, 1 Timothy 5:8, God provides him with his health, his work ethic, his smarts, his abilities, and lucky for me, his rugged good looks, and he goes out and brings home the bacon!

7. The Bible, what it does say, and what it doesn't...God's word does say that we can equally receive Salvation, that we were both made in His image, and that we both can study, learn, grow close to the Lord, and receive wisdom regardless of our gender...However, Sin didn't bring about the beginning of a male/female relational hierarchy, but it did bring the disruption of the God-intended role of our husbands as the leaders and us as naturally submissive. Women were created to be caring and to be a helper, not as a slave, but supportive of her man, however, because of Eve's sin, we were cursed to desire to rule over our husbands although God clearly call us to submit, and our husbands to lead. Now, nowhere do I read that by being a woman, I am in any way inferior because of male-headship. Honestly, it's the opposite to me, I'm free. I'm not in bondage. However, Paul was clear that God's original plan was for us to complement one another. It isn't a curse to be submissive, at all, rather it is a curse to fight against God's calling on our lives. I am a complementarian, and we do not practice, nor teach, that women are functionally second-class. There aren't "some verses" that are "now used" to treat us as "different", there are SEVERAL verses that are a common thread woven from Genesis to Timothy and Titus, that God gave us to find freedom His intended call on our life. Gen. 2:18; 1 Cor. 11:9; 1 Tim. 2:12-13 are just a few, I'd love to hear which ones, when read in context, support God's curse being submission. If that were the case, then Paul would have been cursing us over and over and over and over again in the New Testament. It isn't a punishment. How could loving, serving, supporting, nurturing, and sacrificing selfish ambitions for your man be a curse? No, God is clear that it is what He intended, and if it were a curse, let me be clear, it wouldn't be so stinkin hard! It would be easy for me to be quiet, to submit, to do what he asks, to think of his needs before he thinks of them, to wake up focused on what God needs me to do for my husband and my children...but it isn't always natural, it isn't what my selfish flesh would be seeking, that only helps confirm, that the chain of authority God put into place isn't the curse, it's the design. We talk about all of those verses, on a regular basis, and yes, some used them to have slaves, some used them for pride to act as though they were better than others, and some make a mockery of God's Word, and His call on our lives, by using them now to teach that women are no different than men.

Now, with all of that being said, and yes, that was a lot of all of that...Just because this Truth found me, doesn't mean that I am a holier than thou, more spiritual than thou, better than thou, perfect wifey...I fail, daily, but God's grace is sufficient. Do I think that a woman's salvation is based on whether or not she is an Egalitarian or a Complementarian? No. But not because I think God doesn't intend for us to rest in His complementary plan, it's because God is Salvation, we only accept...nothing I can do can separate me from His awesomeness. However, to teach women that they are free from this Hierarchy is blaspheming Christ. Christ, who put on flesh and died on the cross, He is the Word, and the Word is clear that God calls women to a different role than men.

May God bless you as you talk with your husbands about these verses. I am careful to not be teaching doctrine out of His will, but this is a sensitive issue that I feel Satan is using to attack our families, to attack our body of believers, and to attack our children as we attempt to train them up in the way they should go. I pray the Holy Spirit's work in your heart will be free to continue without confusion and bondage, yet full of clarity and freedom.

Things, besides my tan, I wish would fade...

2010-09-12T22:49:00.000-07:00

This will be a slightly random post. As I desperately tried to sleep tonight, but failed to be able to pull it off mostly because of a 3 hr nap that I took earlier in the day, I decided to just give up, make myself useful for a few hours, and then try to close my eyes for a few hours before sun-up!

ah...with that being said, my tan is fading. Which I know seems trivial to some, but to me, it is more than just a sign that I'm going to age faster than you sun-block fans. I like my tan self better than my white self. Superficial? Call it what you will, I just know that I struggle with thoughts about my appearance way more in the spring, fall, and winter. There. I've confessed it. Moving on.

So, whats at the top of the list for things I'd like to fade?

The memories my children will have of me losing my patience, being too harsh, or selfishly practicing sarcasm at the expense of their feelings.

What I don't want to fade? Emma's quirkiness. I hope she keeps it forever.

Next on the list for things to fade?

My superficial thoughts of my appearance. Really, they just trip us up as women and feed our flesh vs allowing the Spirit to be our bread. I am asking God to fade these thoughts so that when I look at a picture of our family celebrating our son's baptism, I can focus on the love being displayed vs the size of my cheeks.

What I don't want to fade? My children's love for one another.

Ah...next...fading...hows about the old man? Yes, out with the old, in with the new. Three big cheers for God's ability to not just settle with fading! Ethan was baptized this summer. I am thanking God for His evident work in my son's life. I pray the feeling of guilt, for failing this guy from the beginning, will fade sooner than later.

What should never fade, is Ethan's commitment to follow Christ. Oh God, please keep my son close, let his desire for you grow stronger than his desire for the world.

Let's wrap things up, shall we? Fading takes time, right? Can't happen overnight? What do you think of when you say the word fading?

To have had a marriage that was miserable just over 2 years ago, to having such a blessed union today, I would say that a lot has faded for Greg and I. I have faded. The hard Jamie who was quick to cut down, quick to judge, and quick to choose bitterness over forgiveness has faded. The passion Greg had for things other than myself and his children has faded. Yet, they are both still there. Rearing their ugly heads every now and again, and by God's grace, being etched away with time.

What I pray doesn't fade? My desire to be his woman. I'm totally smitten with this man, and I pray that grows stronger and stronger.

Some of you may have things you wish would fade, too. Maybe you said something last week and have replayed it over and over wishing you hadn't.

Or maybe you are just so confident in who you are that you feel it is failure to admit there are things you want to fade.

Let me just say this, God has chosen me to become like His son, and in order to do that, there will be lots of fading. But only God can do that miracle, and I'm not helping if I can't admit there are bold colors in need of a good wash.

Here's to feeling good with pale skin this fall, and to spend more time seeking Him than anything else of this earth that will soon enough fade away.

on this whole quantity/quality thing...

2010-05-28T12:06:00.000-07:00

I was reading here this afternoon and decided I really should share this story.

About 4 years ago, as a "gift" from my BeautiControl director, I was given a one hour session with a life coach. It was to help me "see the big picture", "grow my success", and to help me "find inner peace and balance."

So, in my old home at Sandbranch, the complete upstairs of an addition was this beautiful room that, at that time, served as my office. It had a large 4X8 picture window where my computer and desk were, so there I sat while I was on this lovely phone call that was to open my eyes.

As I listened to this gentleman from CA try to encourage me to find balance in life, I spun around in my chair, and outside of that beautiful window, I see my 3 year old Emma Rae running up the hill to her grandma and grandpas who lived behind us. I had put her down for a nap, and obviously, she had gotten up while I was distracted and was letting herself out to go for a visit.

As I watch her pawpaw receive her warmly, I hear this coach of living on the other end start to explain to me what my director's goal was for our call. "I have heard a lot about you Jamie. It seems you are quite a young lady. I hear you juggle being a wife, a mother of two, and have built a rather large business, even earning the coveted Mustang, with BeautiControl. Your director tells me you seem to be off track all of the sudden. You're feeling overwhelmed and are talking about letting it all go to home school your children and not be so distracted."

He continues, "I have a son, Jamie. His mother and I are the presidents of this coaching firm. We have worked so hard that we now can afford to have him educated in the best school there is in our area. Now, don't get me wrong, I know that it is a sacrifice for her and I to work so many hours, but the sacrifice is worth it. He is excelling in his schooling, and when we see him on the weekends, we make the best memories doing whatever he wants to do! Now Jamie, he is a happy kid."

"Um, I'm sorry Mr. S______, but what was that?", surely I haven't heard what I just think I heard...

"Well, our son stays on campus at this Middle School from Monday through Saturday mornings. It works best because of the time and effort put into his education, they don't need to have them distracted with home life. That way he can be focused on what is important through the week, his mother and I can be focused on what is important through the week, and then we can come together for quality time. That is what it is about Jamie, quality time. Not quantity. You do realize that statistics show that mothers who work spend as much, if not more, quality time with their children as those who supposedly stay at home, don't you?"

"Well, I have heard that quoted before, but well, we don't exactly, um, how should I say this..."

"Listen Jamie, I'm sure you have some people who may influence you that have good intentions, but from what I have heard from your director, to give up what you have worked so hard for is senseless. Why not keep sacrificing a measly 30 hours a week so that your children can go to the schools they want to go to, and you can afford to give them a start to life that otherwise you won't be able to? Your kids will grow up to appreciate this sacrifice for them. I guarantee it. So, tell me, how many parties do you have booked for next month? Will it be enough to get you over this negative way of thinking and get you back in the game?"

By this time PawPaw RayRay has returned the rebellious parolee back home, and with the door locked and her in my sight, I was focused on trying to end this call without insulting this poor, ignorant man.

"Mr. S_________, let me just say I do appreciate where you are coming from. It seems that your household is running just as you would have it to, but for us, well, we see a different calling on our life. Not that the money BeautiControl could make me wouldn't be helpful with some things, but to be honest, that sacrifice isn't worth it to us. I'd rather not have to make the decision between quality or quantity anymore. I'd rather just work at both for now."

The conversation ended with him assuring me I would regret this decision. And then was followed with months, and now it has been years, of controversy from many around me as I began to live out my "take" on how BeautiControl, or maybe other direct sales if that is the case, should be for those who want to work, not for those who are working at being full-time wives and mothers.

Gina was right, just being here counts for something. At a home school conference a few weeks ago, a lady made a wonderful analogy, which I plan on referencing a lot on some upcoming blogs, about our children being a blank, brand new, clean notebook. The conversations our children have, the places are children go, and all the things our children see and hear are written on that notebook with an ink pen.

I have thought about that a lot since then, and it came to mind again as I tried to reckon how much quality time we have had lately. This post is getting too long, as usual, so let me end with just saying this...my hope is that in 10 years, you could take the weight of the pages written from quality time of fishing, vacationing, playing cards, and doing cool crafts and when compared to the weight of the pages written from quantity time of singing Sara Groves in the car as we run errands, them reading quietly in their room while I blog, them helping to bring order to the house with specific chores, and them playing outside unattended while I mark things off my to-do list inside, you would find that although the quality time helped to form wonderful memories and reinforce them feeling loved, it was in the quantity times of daily life that their character was matured.

No one is counting how much quality vs quantity time we have with our kids. But I can assure you, it is leaving it's writings on those clean pages. How will the quantity of your child's notebook read in ten years? and more importantly, who will be able to take credit as contributing authors?

Emma turned 7 by bringing her parents joy!

2010-05-03T05:36:00.000-07:00

Last night after I tucked in my 6 year old for the last time, I was reading an article about parenting. The author talked about building a relationship with your child so that they want to please you. "Kids who know they are treasured will give you their all to be worthy of your high opinion of them", he says.
How is it we can complain about the poor behavior of our child in front of them, even labeling them brats, or drama queens, and then question why they behave in such a way? We must build godly character in our children at a young age.

I was so guilty of labeling my children when they were younger. Ethan was the good one, and Emma was "evil". How unfair was that? I was blessed enough to be instructed that children who are living out the foolish labels they have been given by their parents seldom decide it is time to change on their own. It was not easy to hear, or to admit how poor of a job I was doing, however, it helped me to see the need to take responsibility my parenting. Instead of evil, I started calling Emma precious. If she behaved in a way that wasn't pleasing to me, I told her that she needed to practice being precious, and that being a brat or acting in such a way is never okay.

We now use training and disciplining vs just disciplining out of frustration, and if we are not willing to carry out the punishment, we do not just threaten with it. Now, I am blessed with a daughter who still struggles with a strong will, still struggles with obedience at ALL times, however, she has a goal of good behavior expected of her, and because of that, she finds joy and accomplishment when she is mommy's precious little one. Being a parent should be joyful. We should be raising children who are blessings to us and those around them. If your child is not a blessing to others, what can you do to change that?

Don't put them in a labeled box and expect them to just continue being unruly until they are teenagers and out of control! Don't excuse your unruly teenagers behavior as though it is acceptable! Parents MUST take responsibility for the behavior of their children, and most importantly, for the discipling of their children. As my sister said in a devotion she led Saturday at a baby shower, "Your child can be Valedictorian, Homecoming Queen, an Olympic Gold Medalist, or the most intelligent person you'd ever meet, but if they fail to accept Jesus Christ as their personal Savior, they will spend eternity separated from Him. Their soul is of utmost importance."

May God bless you with the concern, and the passion, to train up your child in the way he/she should go. I must say, this was a burden in my heart that I am very grateful for. Emma Rae turns 7 today. Around the age of 4, we began taking responsibility for her behavior, and I cannot imagine the joy we would have missed out on had we continued down the path we were on.

She is still unpredictable at times, she still has a far more wild spirit than her older brother, and she still brings us so much laughter! I haven't turned her into a joyless little robot who just performs on command by training her! However, the Lord has definitely blessed our efforts, and my Emma enjoys living out the labels of being a precious blessing.

Information overload? or frustration that could be eased with the right information?

2010-04-23T09:58:00.001-07:00

We've all done it, well, okay, so I tell myself that to help me feel better.

You see something that you feel could help you during your school day, and suddenly, you're lost for hours surfing blogs, or you're sitting in a workshop at a conference feeling so ignorant that you didn't think this miraculous thing up yourself!

I try to look at it this way. Surely someone tried to play football with a basketball for a number of years before they said, "Geesh, there must be a better way"! So, without jumping on every bandwagon possible, I do like to implement different things without constantly re-inventing the wheel. It works for me. What also works for me, is to share these ideas. Something about sharing what I've gathered helps me to think through what I'm doing and evaluate it as I talk about it.

With that being said, I have a lot of notes from the conference we went to 2 weeks ago that I am still trying to make sense of so I can share them, and can't wait to get all of the MP3 recordings of the workshops so that I can share them with other moms and dads on this home educating journey.

You can check out a list of the speakers here and it may help you stumble on something you can use. A list of their topics is here and as I said, I will have the recordings soon to help spread their messages.

I hosted a Mom's Night Out for our local homeschooling group this past Tuesday, and it seems as though all of us could use some tips from time to time to spice up our routine, or to help us get out of a rut that is causing us frustration on a daily basis.

I've implemented this workbox system this year, and then in just the last 2 weeks we've been doing these unit studies, and this new Science.

I'm getting ready to start this for grammar, and I'm looking forward to the fall when we'll start on Math U See. Interested in it, but don't know where to start. You can take a placement test here.

Lapbooking is a great way to help your children to retain the information they are learning.

Want to learn how to lapbook? Well, let me overwhelm you with some more resources then! This, this, this, and this are all click-worthy!
All I can say is I enjoy schooling these children with the world as our textbook, and a trip to the Principal's Office, in the evening, freshly-showered and in their jammies, well, that sure is cool!

Just submit and let yourself rest...

2010-03-30T12:49:00.000-07:00

On any given day you can find our Pugly trying to hide from the ever-present Emma Rae who wants to just cuddle him. He will hide behind the couch, run off to another room, or even try to dig his way under a blanket to escape her love.

Last week, as I set beside this chair sewing, I glanced over to find Emma holding tight to her Pugly. She was in a deep sleep, and he was too busy fighting the uncomfortable spot of being in her grasp to give into slumber.
Finally, he started to settle in and just as he closed his eyes, Greg pulled in from a day at work and it was all over. Pug took a flying leap over Emma and the peaceful rest was over.

Sometimes I feel like I'm Pugly, Emma is God, and life's unexpected turns is Greg pulling in. I dodge giving into the rest God wants to bless me with, and just as I begin to submit and enjoy, someone rubs me the wrong way, or I decide that "Mouth" should make an appearance in a conversation with "Gregaroni", and I take a flying leap out of God's embrace.

Here's to staying cozy when I'm tempted to leap out of God's arms.

What good are quotes if you can't relate to 'em?

2010-03-29T18:34:00.000-07:00

First of all, thanks gina for the potting soil, seeds, and pot!

The knowledge of the world is only to be acquired in the world, and not in a closet. Lord Chesterfield

If you study to remember, you will forget, but, if you study to understand, you will remember. Unknown

The essence of intelligence is skill in extracting meaning from everyday experience. Unknown

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire. W.B. Yeats

More is caught than taught. Unknown

Choosing to keep our children home with us is one of the greatest decisions my husband ever made. Although challenging, I'm rewarded daily with getting to teach them much more than academics. May God bless our efforts as we seek His will in training up our children.

self help vs spiritual growth

2010-03-28T20:06:00.000-07:00

It is possible that I am allowing this subject to take up to much of my thinking these days.

Do we get determined to end a certain habit, or motivated to begin a new habit, and that in turn creates our behavior?

Or is Christ's work being performed in us the reason for all of our good days?

I am leaning towards thinking it could be both.

I have all too often decided it was time time to make a change only to end up feeling as though I've failed when I don't stick with it.

I have felt conviction over areas in my life that needed turned over to God and then almost miraculously found that I was able to conquer them with little of my own effort.

I have also read God's word and seen the truth in it that spread light on very dark areas of my flesh that I've still yet to crucify, and somehow I tried to turn off that light to keep them shadowed for a bit longer.

What I think I am learning is that grace is at work in my life. Whether I succeed or fail, in my eyes, for the day, grace is there. With lots of discussion on parenting these last few weeks, I am constantly reminded we can train up our children with true passion and conviction for God's truth, and it is still by His grace that they will walk in that truth. We can also be parents who lack drive, or even knowledge, as to how to parent, and the Lord could use our children for the building of His kingdom. How? Through works of grace.

During church tonight, our pastor was speaking on the prayer of Jabez. He was instructing us to pray for ourselves. To pray for God's blessings on our lives in such a way that we could be more for His glory. I was jotting down notes as I listened.

One line I wrote down was, it takes prayer.

Well, what takes prayer?

A relationship with our Father takes prayer.

Well, if something takes something, then someone must give something.

I jotted down this, it takes discipline.

Well, what takes discipline?

A daily prayer life to build a relationship with our Father.

As I've said, if it takes that, then something must be given. Are you with me?

We have heard, and probably advised, in conversation, "Oh, it takes drive, it takes will-power, it takes commitment, it takes submission".

So, then, WHO is giving these things?

Some of us are maybe giving some devotion time through the day. Some of us may not even be there yet. Some of us are giving our service to a local place of worship, and some of us may be struggling with feeling worthy of serving.

My point would be this, our spiritual growth takes time with God, in prayer, in service, in brokenness, in victory, in maturity, in immaturity, in praise, and in doubt. But if we are only giving when it is on our terms, and trying to do the rest on our own, we're focusing on self help that will ultimately fail us.

I believe that God's word will grow us, the Holy Spirit will lead us, and our Father can use us, but first we must choose to give Him the time to do so.

I pray that tomorrow, with it being a fresh new Monday, you and I will choose to spend time with Him. I guarantee we'll not be disappointed.

Slightly Bad Girls #4 questions 7,8

2010-03-28T18:18:00.000-07:00

7. According to her tersely presented prosecution, Sarai wanted Abram to rectify the situation. Describe the "wrong" she was suffering (Genesis 16:5). Once again, Sarai did not turn to the Lord for help. What reason would you offer? This chapter of Sarai's life ended on a distressing note. Have you lost respect for her, or are you willing to give her another chance? Explain why.

8. What's the most important lesson you learned from Sarai, a princess bride who ran out of patience?

This time I will just give you gals a couple days and we'll move onto Chapter 2 to talk about Hagar.

a quiet evening...after the pool hall was shut down...

2010-03-23T18:49:00.000-07:00

So the last 2 weeks left us skipping our structured schooling and choosing to only dabble in reading here and there. There was testing, co-op, then makeup gym days, and co-op...well, let's just say that I know myself, and my children, too well to think that I will be a decent teacher, or that they will learn a drop of anything, when we've ran all day long.

Yesterday we awoke to a wonder world of worms outside our front door! So breakfast was quick and the school books were put off for some well-deserved worm catchin' time. I wonder what the neighbors, and their professional landscapers, thought when they saw my kids outside at 9am filling their pails with "hundreds of 'em mom"! The afternoon gave way to errands, and by the time we came home, well, the dining room table staring at worksheets just wasn't where we needed to be.

However, I knew today would be the day we would get back into our workbox groove, and hopefully, we'll school somewhat routinely until the end of May.

I knew that we would have our share of challenges today trying to get back into our routine. So at 8:30 when I was sitting at the table wondering why it was taking them so long, I was hardly surprised. However, if I'm angry mad woman, they turn into angry mad children. So I curbed my desire to spew, and got them started on their boxes. I purposely planned the first few boxes with independent work so that I could finish sewing a project. We all worked hard, had lunch, and then got back in the grind until around 2:30. I am guessing the meds I am taking for my sinus infection were the culprit for my eyes becoming too heavy to hold open, so when they both were beckoning for my attention for the next to last boxes, I totally declared it time for a movie. They watched Dinosaur, I slept. It was grand.

I awoke just in time to fix a not-s0-healthy dinner that left us full, and happy. I made homemade corndogs with fried potatoes, followed up with homemade brownies. Note to self: must make it to gym soon.

Just as I was cleaning up from dinner, Ethan and Emma began their evening ritual with a post-dinner pool game. This has been going on for about a week and half now. A few moments into it, Ethan came in covering one eye and Emma was spewing apologies. Then just a few moments later, Emma was holding her head and Ethan was stuttering excuses. "'Nuf is 'Nuf", said our patriarch, and I agreed. He gave a good talk and sent them to bed at 7pm.

This left the full pan of brownies to just me and him.

We talked, without interruption or questions, we watched some TV, he massaged my shoulder which has been aching since last Friday's volleyball game, and he slept while I caught up on some blogs.

Now it 'tis time to call it a night.

And what's that I hear?

Emma asking daddy if she can sleep with us.

Think I'll just eat another brownie.

Food continued...

2010-03-16T15:29:00.001-07:00

When I was at April's last week, and I saw her cool recipe book, a photo album with her recipes in there, I thought maybe it was time to add some more recipes to mine. Like I said in the first post, I am kinda basic when it comes to meals. Makes for easy shopping, easy planning, and well, just makes it easy for me!

However, I did have quite a few magazines with some recipes in them, and I have a ton I've printed out online that were just in this binder. Therefore, I decided it was time to get a little more organized so I will want to use them.

I really did like the photo album that April had, but the truth is, I already had this binder, I found these tab folders in my school stuff that have been used for about 3 different things already, and so I just put it together. Now, looking at that pitcher of Spiced Iced Tea makes me want to serve it right on up! Hows about you?

Now that I am trying to keep better tabs on my spending, I'm tucking my receipts away in this binder as I plan. That way I can really see how much meals are costing me and better choose when I can afford to go all out, and when I should just do some biscuits and gravy! The Kitchenaid Mixer I bought, which is fantabulastic, has some great recipes in it. Exciting. Then this free book the kids got at Chick-fil-A, well, we've gotten a ton of great ideas out of it!

Alright, so once I got the tabs and recipes together, I labeled them as follows: Drinks, Holidays, Bread, Beef, Chicken, Sides, and Dessert.

To keep better tabs on spending, I'm keeping this log for the next few weeks. I want to tally up what I'm spending on personal items, cleaning, and household items. Eating more natural, cleaning more natural, and trying to just live more natural can be simplifying once you get in the groove, but getting there is, well, sometimes not simple at all. If anything becomes an idol in your life, it just isn't healthy, and bottom line is it is sin. So I really am trying to be honest with myself about my motivation to make the changes we have made over the last 3 years. A big part of being a better help meet is to keep a better log of what I'm spending when I order my tea tree oil, my vitamins, and my cleaning supplies.

I have by no means "arrived" to where I want to be as a wife and mother, however, I am enjoying my journey getting there. Addictive personalities can be tough if you don't have a support system that keeps you grounded. I'm blessed to have great sisters, grounded parents, true friends that actually like me, and a husband who supports me better than any other man could on this planet! With my children getting more and more independent, I'm enjoying finding time to educate myself on different ways to enjoy this life God has blessed me with. I hope when you get inspired, you are surrounded with peeps as good as mine.

Meal planning, recipes, and grocery shopping - inspired by April

2010-03-15T17:59:00.001-07:00

Okay, so it seems as though when you yap about your take on food, the way you prepare it, the way you get it, the way you store it, even the way you eat it, that people are going to have questions for you.

One of my closest friends read an article that I gave her out of a bi-monthly newsletter I subscribe to and after reading it, she decided to make some changes.

I spent some time with her last week going over her menus and explaining where I get all of my food. She is able to shop on a pretty tight budget, and although I am fairly frugal, I couldn't exactly tell you what I spend on groceries.

So, let me give you a run down of how my grocery shopping worked last week, and well, we'll just start there.

I did my shopping on Friday. I started at Wal-Mart for pasta, an onion, a small bag of green onions, all-natural Tom's toothpaste and deodorant, Cajun seasoning, Sargento Mexican shredded cheese, Alfredo sauce, and a new rug for the bathroom. Sams for Welch's grape juice, (which I found was cheaper at Wal-Mart :( darn), brown sugar, regular sugar, bananas, tomatoes (thanks to gina who told me they were pretty good), green peppers, milk, all-natural Classico spaghetti sauce, all-natural chicken, Ricotta cheese, shredded Parmesan cheese, shredded Mozzarella cheese, and grapes. Beckley produce for eggs. Amish Barn for honey, which I am still trying to decide on where the best place is going to be to buy it, and sliced turkey. And then at Trio Consignment I found 2 pairs of shoes for Emma, and for me, a skirt, a shirt, and 3 pairs of capris....that didn't really matter, but I had to tell you that! by the way, had a credit and got it all for $8!

After talking with my friend, I realized that I cook very low maintenance meals for the most part. Greg loves them, I love them, and the kids love them, however, why is it I refrain from using some extras to spice things up? hmmmm....I don't know.....so I decided to live on the edge a bit and I bought some of the Cajun seasoning she had shown me at her house. Well, the seasoning she was asking me if I approved of...ha

Friday night I made spaghetti, and normally I just brown the meat, add my sauce, boil my noodles, and bam, that's it. I decided to chop up a tomato, a green pepper, and some onion to flavor the meat a bit. Then I added the sauce to simmer, and stirred in a cup of shredded mozzarella. The kids and Greg noticed the new sauce and loved it! Thanks for the inspiration to not be so boring April :)

Saturday for lunch, it was Mexican, and then that night, it was leftovers from Mexican. That's right, we do eat out, on rare occasions...We budget to have a meal out, as a family, once a week. Greg always picks Mexican, and the only one I love is the one at Beckley Crossing...their taco salad with chicken vs beef is soooo good! However, we all have learned to opt for water vs soda (which is hard for us pop lovers) and we no longer order the cheese for our chips, just too pricey.

Sunday was lunch at mawmaw's, which is always as far from healthy, organic, or anything of that matter as you can get, and as always, it was to die for yummo! Finished it off with a Reeses peanut butter cup and washed it down with a Mt. Dew. Now, are all of you people who have me on a pedestal feeling better? ha

Monday I decided to get a little off track again, and pulled out the Cajun seasoning I bought. I heated up 2 tblspoons of olive oil in my Wolfgang Puck pot ( love it ), and diced up 2 chicken breasts. While that was just starting to brown, I chopped up some green onion and a green pepper and threw it in, then lots of Cajun seasoning and some cracked pepper. While my whole grain pasta was boiling, I poured in my Alfredo sauce and then added 1/2 a jar of water. Drained pasta, stirred it in, got out Ethan and Emma's servings and then finished it off with some more Cajun seasoning for me and Greg. Again, yummo!

While I was cooking dinner last night, I went ahead and baked 2 chicken breasts, sliced into long pieces @ 350 for about 45 minutes in a dish on aluminum foil with just a tad bit of butter on top of it. I let it cool and cut 1/2 of it up for chicken salad.

I love chicken salad. However, I had never tried to make my own. Well, let me mention my friend April again here, she had some a few weeks ago that I thought was so good, so I just figured I'd give it a try. I tried to think about things I knew were in different types of it that I liked, and I just put it all together.
Well, it was so good, especially on my homemade bread, that I had an extremely hard time stopping myself from taste testing! Greg was leery, because he said he never likes chicken salad, and yet he was thrilled with it, too.

I didn't really measure out anything, I just kinda did a bit of this and a bit of that. It started with dicing up the chicken, probably about 2 cups of diced chicken. Then I cut up some green onions, and some red. Chopped up some grapes and 1/2 of an apple, poured in about a cup of the cheese and added 3 large whopping tablespoons of mayo.

More on this chicken salad, how April also inspired me to organize my recipes and to get a grip on my spending in the next blog...this one was too long as is :) imagine that...

Slightly Bad Girls #3 questions 5 & 6

2010-03-03T14:01:00.000-08:00

5. In Genesis 15, God told Abram he would father a son from his own seed but did not mention the mother's name. How might the story have unfolded differently if God had said, " And Sarai will bear this son"? Since we know "his way is perfect," why do you think God withheld this vital fact? Ten years passed before Sarai took steps to secure an heir for Abram. What do you suppose finally prompted her to act?

6. When Sarai gave Hagar to her husband, how had she "opened the door to spiritual catastrophe"? In what ways did Hagar's quick conception make matters worse for Sarai? In your own life, when have you taken your future into your own impatient hands without seeking God's guidance? And what was the outcome?

The last questions gave us an insight as to how Sarai may have even thought about herself, or even carried herself in an area she would have had security, her looks. These are asking us to think about her insecurity, her barrenness.

Oh my, yaw think my answers are long now, wait til I have to answer if I've ever taken matters into my own hands....oh wow...I must say I've been blessed to grow quite a bit these last 3 or 4 years...but man, before then! ha, The question would have to be, when didn't I take matters into my own hands?

Slighty Bad Girls Chapter 1, questions 3 & 4

2010-02-25T04:24:00.001-08:00

Great responses from the first blog ladies!

Let's continue on seeing how God used Sarai, even though we may be quick to think she was not so worthy of being used...

3. Abram and Sarai left everything - family and friends, houses and lands, and all their worldly goods that wouldn't fit on a camel - to follow God's leading. if the Lord asked you to leave everything and follow his lead, how would you respond? The Lord made several "I will" statements to Abram, promising to bless him and to make him famous. How might such promises increase your faith?

4. When you learned that Sarai was a beautiful woman, in what way did that alter your perception of her? Did you fear for her in Pharaoh's court or assume her pleasing appearance would protect her? In our culture how is beauty an advantage? A disadvantage?

3 posts from you guys, and I will do mine and move on to questions 5 & 6

Slightly Bad Girls...#1

2010-02-15T18:47:00.000-08:00

I'm extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. Margaret Thatcher

For those who subscribe to my blog, or happen to find yourself reading this, I am writing about a book a few of us have read, and were supposed to have a Bible study on. The weather, and life in general, have kept us from getting together physically. So this is our attempt at being accountable to what we are reading, or have read, and to share with one another.

The book is Slightly Bad Girls of the Bible by Liz Curits Higgs. If you don't have it, but would like to follow along, get it, and keep up with us over the next 6 weeks as we study how our flawless God used flawed women for his perfect plan.

The book starts out with a story of how the author struggled with the need to control those around her. Ever had the desire to do that? Nah, me either. Glad we can agree we're never, and I mean never, ever guilty of that. We could stop now, right?

Wrong.

Hard to admit sometimes, unless we're joking with 10 other women who are admitting their short-comings, too, but for some reason we typically feel like we know how to do things best, or that our idea really touches all bases where the idea of someone else is lacking.

I personally find this happening, oh, let's see, yeap, almost every interaction with any other human being throughout my day.

So, is it okay to be that way? God used these flawed women and He can choose to use me, so I should joke about my sin and hope that the more aware I am, the less I'll give in? Not hardly.

The first chapter in this book covers Sarai. We're going to kick this off with just a two of the questions before we dive in. If you've read it, feel free to go ahead and start sharing your answers, or what the Lord used to speak to you. If you haven't read it, but would like to share your thoughts, feel free.

1. What was your opinion of Sarai before you studied her story in Genesis 11-16? And what do you think of her now? Based on your personal experience or observation, what are the blessings of being married to a man uniquely called by God? And what are the challenges?

2. Sarai is the first woman in Scripture described as barren. Since "children are a gift from the Lord, to what end might God have closed Sarah's womb for a long season? Is childbearing still a source of esteem for women? What are some ways modern society measures the worth of a woman? How do you measure your own worth?

WOW!

Just these two questions could fuel enough conversation for weeks!

Read Sarai's story, if you haven't, and try to see where she was at in that time of her life.

I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

My prayer is we will choose time wisely over the next 6 months and instead of logging online and waisting precious time the Lord has given us, we will put it to good use, to God's use. Having to be held accountable to get into God's word may help us all to actually read and study more than we typically would.

I'll give my answers after we get 3 of you to give us something!

Journal entries by E n E

2010-01-20T08:41:00.000-08:00

Ethan's journal entry : Jack and da' beanstalk

The Emperor's New Clothes

and The Glass Castle

Emma's journal entries: The Glass Castle

This would be Thumbelinda, and her husband ( in case you are wondering )

Good job kids.

If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy...

2010-01-13T06:42:00.000-08:00

Last summer I did a Bible Study with some women at our church. It was a great time of fellowship and growing. One of the lessons has really stuck out to me, and honestly, is one that pierces my heart almost every single day.

The lesson was basically a reminder that the woman of the house sets the mood for her house. If Mommy is grouchy, agitated, impatient, and sarcastic, well then she should expect little Johnny to be responsive to that, and he probably will not be the easiest child to tend to. If Mommy is frustrated at the end of the day when Daddy comes in from work, and she is short, spiteful, harsh, or has a "try to walk a mile in my shoes, buddy" attitude, then she can expect her husband to be cold, distant, or argumentative.

Basically, the old saying is right on, or it could re-read, "If Mama chooses to let her ugly flesh rule the roost instead of choosing to let God's Spirit rule her heart, then she should be prepared to bring out the worse in those she loves the most."

If my first interaction for the day with my children is calm, reassuring, and nurturing, it is amazing at how Ethan just lights up and begins to go out of his way to do things just to please me. He has a list of chores to complete before school begins, but he'll quickly do one of mine, and then just come around the corner smiling to catch my reaction. Emma will start giggling and smiling wanting my advice on what she should wear for the day, asking which shirt is my favorite to see her in.

If my first reaction to my children for the day is frustrated, hurried, or demanding, I am not amazed at how Ethan's heart is so hard that the wall he puts up between him and I can barely be penetrated for the rest of the day. No matter how many times I try to make it right, he shows me that I cannot take back how I chose to start my day with him. Emma will become very bratty. She acts as though she has no joy anywhere in her body. She is a sad sack who isn't glad she is at home with her mommy.

Now, let's talk about my Gregaroni for a minute. Gregaroni is the name I have given my man when he let's his flesh rule. In our early years of marriage, Gregaroni was in full effect on a regular basis. He knows this, admits this, and because I gave him this name, we can find humor in some of the silly things we chose to argue about back then. He is a changed man today. I can tell you that my children and I are priorities in his life like never before, and I am truly blessed to have him as my husband. Gregaroni doesn't rear his ugly head hardly at all anymore. But I have found one thing that will cause him to make an appearance, Mouth. Yes, that is the name my husband has given me. When I am giving into my flesh, you can guarantee Mouth is unleashing her wrath. Within minutes of Mouth showing up, Gregaroni is ready to come out and play. This sounds amusing, doesn't it? Mouth and Gregaroni batting back and forth over who has it worse than the other one?

Well, it isn't funny when it is sin. And that is exactly what it is. Yes, there are times when I am really frustrated, and maybe I have good reason to be. But that doesn't give me the right to forget Christ's example and to act out of the flesh.

I try to remember that how the words I use when we are running late, or the expressions on my face when I am feeling slighted, are molding the language and characteristics of those around me. More importantly, whatever thoughts are in my head, or whatever anger is in my heart, will spill out of my mouth.

Easier said than done? Yes, it is. However, the more aware I am of catching those thoughts or feelings, and replacing them with God's words, the easier it becomes to ease the tension building in my shoulders, take a deep breath, and remember that they should see Christ in me, always.

Here's to training our tongues by the renewal of our minds, and if that doesn't work out for ya, just remember that unless you like bratty kids and a mean husband, you need to learn how to behave.

Celebrating 2009!

2010-01-01T18:15:00.000-08:00

I don't know that I have anything this year that I am making a definite resolution on. I feel like I started up so many stinkin' new things in 2009, I didn't leave much to resolute for in 2010!

Ethan played his first year of tackle football. I became a huge fan of the sport and can't wait to see him put pads back on in July of 2010! One goal for Ethan this year is to finally wrap up the rest of the 2nd grade curriculum we started in May of 2008, yes, you heard that right. Not much left, and we did start a lot of 3rd grade this year, too, but still not done with all his 2nd. We should be done with all of it by the beginning of March, when he will take his test for 3rd grade. We will then go straight to a 4th grade curriculum, and focus more on Bible and Character as we take our time with academics through the rest of 2010.

As far as my Emma, we still have the same goal academically for 2010 that we had for 2009, learning to read! She is almost there, and I am thinking by the end of May, she will be ready to start the 2010/2011 school year with a 1st grade curriculum. Emma has a curious mind and a growing interest in God and His purpose in her heart. She loves to sit and flip through the pages of her pink New Testament. She just surfs the pages looking for words she can sound out, and loves to share with me what she finds. I look forward to teaching her more about our Savior this year!

Greg and I grew so much in our marriage this year. I know this is because each of us took our relationship with Christ more serious this year. Priorities changed, and our life with Christ, and our service in His name, was taken to a whole new level. I am more in love with him today than I ever thought would be possible. I am blessed to be his helper, and look forward to celebrating 7 years of marriage to my man this April!

So, we will start out Monday with our new Workbox System, and my children and I are pumped! Here are a few of the "centers" we will be making good use of with our new system. This is Ethan's circuit board we got him for Christmas. He is amazed with electricity, and I'm hoping we will be able to incorporate more hands on learning, which works for him, with this new system.

Emma Rae definitely takes after her daddy, and mommy, when it comes to painting. She asks daily if she can paint. I plan to make her requests happen 3 to 4 days a week this year by using the Workbox System. How? She will have a box that will have all of her supplies ready for her, except of course for the water. So instead of needing me to pull out all the supplies, get everything cleared, and then find her something to do, I will be packing her box up at night and having it ready for her the next day.

I hope that you are looking back at your 2009 and finding things you want to continue, rather than just finding things you need to quit.

Let this be an encouragement to you! Find things you were able to do right in 2009. Chose to focus on repeating what worked, instead of regretting what didn't.

Something special, just for you...

2009-12-29T08:38:00.000-08:00

I know a few of you who may read this, read our article that was in the paper a few weeks ago. If you didn't, you can read it here. We were very honored to have had the opportunity to share our family's Christmas celebrations with others.

It has opened up many conversations for my husband, and myself. And I have had quite a few people ask me about our gift-giving process. They want to know how we exchanged gifts that aren't brand new, that are handmade, or what toys we hand down that aren't trash and most of all, how the recipient feels about their gift.

So I thought I'd give you some visuals here, and you may just consider trying a few of them out for birthdays this year, or for Christmas next year!

You can find tutorials for these here, and I must say I was amazed at how easy they were, and how lovely they turned out. A friend of mine made one for my niece's birthday back in October. I can remember watching as Raven pulled out this little roll of fabric, and I thought, wow, how beautiful is that? Then she opened it up and I saw all the crayons tucked in so neatly, and I was in awe. There is just something about pretty fabric, an elegant ribbon, and crayons that scream princess to me! So, I made one for my neighbor's little girl, and my best friend's two daughters. No need to wrap them, they are just simply beautiful on their own.

Now, what do you do when your 11 yr old nephew loves electronics, Transformers, video games, and super heroes, and you can't just go out and buy him any of those things? Well, I kept asking Ethan to be thinking about what he would like to do for his cousin, and it wasn't until we were in the fabric store picking up a few things, that he came up with an answer. Well, kind of an answer...he had seen some Transformer fabric. So, I made him a Transformer pillowcase and a marble bag. The marbles were just over a $1 at Hobby Lobby. Ethan also gave him an action figure that he always plays with when he is at our house. Needless to say, Mikey thanked me for the other gifts, but when he pulled out that little man, his reaction was sincerely appreciative. "Ethan, you are giving this to me?" Priceless.

Now, for my sister's, my mom, my close friends, and my oldest niece, this made a great gift. A key chain debit card/license holder. I also made two and put them in coffee cups for gifts to use at an exchanging game we play at my in-laws. The women were fighting over them!

It is quite possible that these were two of my favorite projects. My niece Raven is on the left, and my daughter Emma is on the right. I bought two cotton long sleeved T's at Belk for $6.59 each. Then I went to the fabric store and bought a corduroy material for the bottom. Made a front panel and a back panel, sewed it on, and wha-lah! With the extra material I made their small purses with sequence initials. Emma was completely surprised, she thought I had only made one for Raven!

Christmas Eve morning, Ethan and Emma worked on cards to take to the neighbors along with their cookies. This is Ethan's. It has the angel announcing Christ's birth, and the crosses are to represent the reason Christ came. Awesome.

What mawmaw and pawpaw wouldn't want to write down all their appointments on a calendar full of the faces they love to see? For $15 at Wal-Mart's photo center online, you can upload pictures and personalize a fabulous calendar. This has become the gift all of our parents and grandparents look forward to every year. Not homemade, but definitely personal.

Sawyer is my nephew who will be 3 in March. He loves to work with real tools and real bolts! He also loves to shoot his bow and arrow. So, my husband cut out two deer from cardboard and made him these targets. Then he made this wooden bolt contraption for Sawyer to learn lefty loosey righty tighty! Fantastic!

Now, I wasn't just this big giver this year! I received some pretty amazing gifts, too. My sister Indy's family made me fabulous earrings out of buttons. My sister Tarah's family made me a huge basket full of homemade detergents for the laundry and dishwasher. Ethan received a marshmallow shooter. Emma received a coupon to redeem for finger knitting lessons with Raven along with a loop and loom kit. They both got cool boxes full of homemade bath soaps and bath toys, and we all got lots of smiles as we watched our recipients open their gifts!

Hope this helps give you some ideas for your gifts this coming year!

You're never the quarterback with me looking for the sack...

2009-12-20T21:59:00.000-08:00

We talk football a lot in our house. I admit that after Ethan played his first season of tackle football this fall, I became a completely addicted football mom. Because of this, I can relate a lot of things to Ethan by using the sport we both grew to love.

He turned 9 at the beginning of November. He is a wonderful boy who can be caught smiling with joy on a regular basis.

However, he can also be caught arguing, whining, or questioning my authority on a regular basis. The other day, as I was correcting him for questioning me, I had to really break it down for him.

"We are on the same team here. Always. It's like in football, Ethan. If you were the quarterback, and I was the receiver, we both have a common goal. Get the ball to the end zone and score a touchdown. You're never the quarterback with me looking for the tackle. I'm either blocking for you or waiting to receive your pass, I'm never in your way on purpose. Our goal is to raise you up to be a godly man, right?" "I guess..." "Yes, ma'am. Not I guess." "Yes ma'am."
"How can you be that man if we don't work together?" "I can't." "That's right. God asks me to train you up the way He has directed, and He asks you to honor me. If we do that, together as a team, the promise is a touchdown that is worth way more than 6 points. If we are constantly butting heads something is wrong. Our game plan isn't working, and we can't make any substitutions. I love you, and I need you on MY team, not against me."

This pep talk is pretty accurate to the one that really took place. He looked up at me with tears in his eyes and hugged me. I held onto my little man thinking about what a great captain of some one's football team he is going to make some day.

Counting down...but may keep it around...

2009-12-09T08:11:00.000-08:00

Okay, by now you should all have realized I'm terrible at being a consistent blogger. I think my last post was back in June after I felt so good about my family enjoying our day at Pipestem.

This morning as I wait for Emma to come back home for an all-nighter at Aunt Indy's, and as Ethan is off doing some chores prior to getting back to school, I thought I'd give myself a few minutes to see what I could spit out.

I found this craft idea here and immediately thought it was a great idea to use for a craft on December 1st. My sister, Indy, and myself decided to get together once a week from now til Christmas to do an Advent craft. We both homeschool and knew it would help to have that accountability to make sure these neat ideas turned into neat crafts done on a neat day. So, on December 1st, our Advent Jar starting to come to be.

Even Sawyer enjoyed painting his jar! So, what is the purpose of an Advent jar? Starting on December 1st, each day they will pull out a good deed from their jar. Examples of what we placed in ours are : Call Aunt Jamie just to say I love you, make a card for someone not feeling well, pray for a family in our church, ask Daddy what he needs you to do today to help him out, pray for those who do not know Jesus as their personal Savior, pray the Lord will help to keep your heart thankful as you receive gifts from others this Christmas. Granted, I do realize that praying isn't necessarily a good deed, but teaching them to think and pray for others is a great way to get them to start thinking about others. You get the idea. Each day, they pull out a good deed, and that is our countdown to Christmas. So far, I have received a call from Raven telling me she loved me, Ethan has said numerous prayers, he and Emma have both made several phone calls to mawmaws and pawpaws saying I love you, Emma has said some prayers, Emma made a lady from our church a get well card and received a "thank you" home made bracelet in return! We are considering switching up the good deeds inside and keeping this around to be a daily thing all year long!

Some children have tender hearts. Some children do not have tender hearts. As Indy and I discussed this yesterday at her home, I was reminded of something she said a while back. We can try hard to be good parents, and we can do all the things we think will help our children become good, godly men and women. But the truth is, if they turn out halfway decent, it is just God's grace! Praying for our children, and praying the Lord blesses our efforts, are two ingredients that may get skipped out as we just try to be more disciplined parents that do neat little crafts to teach hearts to be tender.

But for the grace of God...

I know we probably have all heard that. But it is so true!

I am a blessed woman. I love staying at home and being Greg's personal chef/wife, Ethan's basketball opponent/mom, Emma's personal stylist/mom, and I love to serve my family as I feel God intended me to serve them. But I'm not good at these things because I'm a good woman. It is God's grace that has stilled my heart and reminds me I am truly serving Him when I do these things even when Greg has hurt my feelings, or Ethan is being obnoxious on the court, or Emma is acting a little too prissy when picking out clothes.

I did not have a tender heart growing up. But God is changing me more and more to realize what it is to be a real servant.

I pray that as I teach Ethan & Emma the reasons Christ came to this earth, and the reasons we anticipate His return, I will be able to see God's grace at work on their hearts as they learn to be imitators of Christ.

After all, if I had been Jesus' aunt over 2000

years ago, it would have made me smile to get a phone call from Him telling me He loved me...

Biked, well pushed a bike...

2009-07-26T18:25:00.000-07:00

Last spring, just as I was really beginning to grasp the reality that I loved being active, I bought a bicycle. I rode a little in my driveway, took it to my sister's neighborhood and rode one day, and yeah, well, that was about it.

I seriously wanted to do more, but because I would surely become road kill if I tried riding it on my road, I just parked it in the garage. Of course after the knee ordeal, I had no idea when I'd feel confident enough to mount the purple machine again.

But yesterday was the day. I have been taking a spin class for months now, and even though I am back in physical therapy and having a really tough time with my knee, I just felt it was time to take it to the outdoors.

So, we did.

Don't worry, we left my nephew ( on the 4-wheeler ), and my niece ( with training wheels ) to go on with their parents for horseback riding, while Greg, Ethan, Kelci, Emma, and myself went on our 3 mile, 2 1/2 hr bike push. You heard me, push, not ride.

So, I hadn't exactly envisioned us pushing our bikes uphill through mud and horse poop in the hot sun, but that is pretty much what we did.

BUT we had a blast.

My Emma, who is just 6 yrs old, did do her share of asking when we would be done, but she wasn't nearly as dramatic as I would have been had my parents tried to make me do a professional mountain biking course on a Hello Kitty 16" 2-wheeler!

Halfway through, Ethan declared he was having fun. Which for my rarely content 8 yr old, that was enough to make my heart leap with joy.

Kelci, my oldest niece, was a real trooper. She would ride her bike ahead, only to park it to come back and help push Emma's through the indescribably yucky muck.

Greg, who just got his bike yesterday morning @ 9, when this ride begin @ 11, carried a very heavy backpack the entire time that he was riding his bike, pushing Emma's bike, or pushing his bike and Emma's bike.

We smiled more than anyone complained, we laughed, we talked, and we got more exercise in those 3 hours than I believe Greg has had in the past 8 years!

I'm so dreading having our cable turned back on...

Blessed by an excursion

2009-07-15T08:24:00.001-07:00

After a friend of mine said a friend of hers had invited them to go blueberry picking yesterday afternoon, I felt the urge to invite myself, Ethan, and Emma along on the excursion.

So glad I did.

They didn't mind at all, and it gave me a chance to get some good pictures and to get Ethan outside doing something that he can do with his broken arm. Not to mention I've been eating blueberries nonstop since about 4pm yesterday.

I also had time to admire some different scenery, which I really appreciated. I've been rather overwhelmed lately with trying to keep my house up so that it can be viewed by potential buyers almost every single day. So, yesterday while someone was walking around our house and we were out in the midst of such calm beauty, I felt it was a good trade.

Emma was rather content at first picking berries, some ended up in her bucket, and some in her belly. However, it didn't take long for Princess Emma to start expressing her discontent with the heat and asking me if we could begin making our way back towards the shade.

I tried to keep encouraging her to remember the cause of the trip. To get a surplus of these delicious berries to bring home and enjoy for months to come. "You love to eat blueberries, Emma!" But she had moved past sharing the vision of blueberry bliss with her mama, and was now focused on a canopy with picnic tables that would offer her refuge from her nemesis, the sun.

Ethan has been struggling the past few weeks with obeying, and so unfortunately, I wasn't surprised with his choices to NOT quit throwing berries at his friends, to NOT stay close by where we could share his bucket, and to NOT argue or debate the instructions I was giving. I tried to keep calm as I encouraged him to appreciate the adventure and not to ruin it with bad choices.

And so we finally came to rest under that canopy with picnic tables. There we enjoyed some cold water and the children shared a soda pop. A sweet end to a not thoroughly sweet hour of blueberry picking.

Does my story sound at all familiar to you?

Through our daily walks with the Lord, we sometimes desire to experience something different. So the Lord will bless us with a little excursion that He knows will provide us with a surplus of goodies. As we start on this divine adventure, we gaze wide-eyed at all there is to enjoy! However, shortly into the journey, we are faced with the slightest feeling of discomfort, and before we know it, we're asking the Lord to go back to our comfortable little picnic tables in the shade. He tries to encourage us through our brothers and sisters in Christ or through our daily readings, but what we saw so clearly in the beginning is now overshadowed by a small cloud of inconvenience.

We struggle in listening to His instruction. We make poor choices thinking that we know our situation better than He does, and although we may glean a few treasures along the way, we miss out on joy of the experience, and also on the joy of sweet communion with Him along the way.

We come to rest in the shade with our selfish appetites satisfied, but our buckets are quite empty compared to what He had in mind when He made the plans for the adventure.

Does God have you in the midst of a full blueberry patch right now? Can you see the sweet fruit? Or, are you blinded by the sun and drained by it's warmth?

Sometimes I am convinced that I haven't even learned anything from the story of the Israelites.

What would happen if we spent more time obeying God's word, and less time coming up with our own plans? I have a feeling we may enjoy the soda pop at the end a little more if it is shared over conversation of our cheerful attitudes and obedience vs conversation of consequences for our whining and disobedience.

Been a while...words very worthy of reading

2009-07-12T19:42:00.000-07:00

If by Amy Carmichael

If I have not compassion on my fellow servant, even as my Lord had pity on me, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I can easily discuss the shortcomings and the sins of any; if I can speak in a casual way even of a child's misdoings, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I can enjoy a joke at the expense of another; if I can in any way slight another in conversation, or even in thought, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I can write an unkind letter, speak an unkind word, think an unkind thought without grief and shame, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I am afraid to speak the truth, lest I lose affection, or lest the one concerned should say, "You do not understand," or because I fear to lose my reputation for kindness; if I put my own good name before the other's highest good, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I myself dominate myself, if my thoughts revolve around myself, if I am so occupied with myself I rarely have "a heart at leisure from itself," then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I cannot in honest happiness take the second place (or twentieth); if I cannot take the first without making a fuss about my unworthiness, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I do not give a friend "the benefit of the doubt," but put the worst construction instead of the best on what is said or done, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I take offense easily; if I am content to continue in a cool unfriendliness, though friendship be possible, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If a sudden jar can cause me to speak an impatient, unloving word, then I know nothing of Calvary love. For a cup brimful of sweet water cannot spill even one drop of bitter water, however suddenly jolted.

If I say, "Yes, I forgive, but I cannot forget," as though the God, who twice a day washes all the sands on all the shores of all the world, could not wash such memories from my mind, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If souls can suffer alongside, and I hardly know it, because the spirit of discernment is not in me, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If the praise of man elates me and his blame depresses me; if I cannot rest under misunderstanding without defending myself; if I love to be loved more than to love, to be served more than to serve, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If in the fellowship of service I seek to attach a friend to myself, so that others are caused to feel unwanted; if my friendships do not draw others deeper in, but are ungenerous, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

That which I know not, teach Thou me, O Lord, my God.

Calendar anyone?

2009-04-16T18:39:00.000-07:00

So today is the 16th, huh?

Way after I posted my last blog, while chatting with other mommies, I was informed today is the 16th.

So, for those of you who I wrongfully challenged to read Proverbs 15...go ahead...read that one and the 16th and call it a day!

Greg read to us yesterday, so when I picked up mine today and it had the marker at 15...well, I assumed it was the 15th and read and blogged as if it were indeed the 15th.

However - it is the 16th - so the children and I will be doing some more reading in just a few moments...and you guessed it...we'll be reading Proverbs 16!

Hope to be challenged, encouraged, uplifted, convicted, or all of the above...although I needed to hear Proverbs 15:1 today, so I'll not chalk that up to mishap!

I am thankful for a blessed day, and also thankful that it is almost time to call it a day!

Proverbs 15

2009-04-16T08:30:00.001-07:00

Last year on this very day, my mother, my sister Indy, her step-daughter Kelci, her daughter Raven, her son Sawyer, my son Ethan, and my daughter Emma, and myself traveled to Lewisburg for some fun little shopping at their cute shops and a lunch at Food & Friends.

I remember this because it was April 15th, and my tax preparer is in Lewisburg. I had to go and pick up my taxes and mail them out by deadline!

Just thought I'd share that. This year I had my taxes completely ready, with the exception of things that come in the mail, by January 2nd. Praise God for his goodness in teaching me more about diligence and discipline in the past year.

So, today is the day to read Proverbs 15, if you haven't yet! READ IT! Enjoy God's words for you today & share your thoughts with the rest of us!!!

Let's just touch base on 15:1. We could spend all day, all night, and well, let's be honest....the rest of our 2009 striving to live out this verse, and none of us may find it easy to do in all circumstances.

A soft answer turneth away wrath. but grievous words stir up anger.

Do you find it easy to live this out?

When you are talking with your children, and nearly at the end of our short rope that is extended with God's grace, are you quick to speak quietly & softly?

Example: When I am trying to do a quick post, or answer email, or even pay bills on the computer, I struggle with my attention span. I can barely make it through if there is ANY noise whatsover. Because of this, I try to find time to do it when the children are upstairs, downstairs, or far away from any stairs that are close to my whereabouts. Today when I decided to jot this down quickly, Ethan decided to find a seat on the couch close by. I asked him to quiet himself in order for Mommy to concentrate about 7 times before I lost my temper and shouted at him to remove himself from my sight.

OOOOH - yeap, I did that. Now, don't go callin' CPS just yet. He will heal from Mommy's temper tantrum, however, I will now have to deal with his anger the rest of the day.

The 7 times I tried to quietly explain I needed him to be still, hadn't solved the problem. I even explained how hard it is for Mommy's brain to concentrate when it is quiet, much less when he is wrestling with the dog & squeeking the squeeky toy by my feet. But, as any 8 year old boy, sitting on the couch watching your mother ignore you to type, isn't easy to do!

I will be challenged today to speak softly.

I pray you will be, too.

Proberbs 14

2009-04-15T19:16:00.001-07:00

So we read some Proverbs this evening. Well, Greg did. We listened. Well, me and Ethan listened. Emma kept getting in trouble for playing with Pugly.

Greg suggested we ready some Bible Stories to her. We got out our Egermeier's Bible Story book and read about Jesus' healing the blind, dumb, deaf, and possessed. I can't believe Ethan and Emma didn't say anything about the dumb.

Anyone have suggestions for other books who help our little one's grasp God's miracles?

Also, in our service tonight, we studied on passion. Some said passionate people act proud. I have never heard pride mentioned in a good way. I've always read, and always been taught, that pride means we had something to do with the goodness. If we believe that only God is the goodness, then there is no room for pride.

However, many in the crowd agreed that there is a good and bad pride.

Thoughts???

Has a month really gone by?

2009-04-05T20:38:00.000-07:00

Alright, I confess, I have not been spending near as much time on the laptop the past 4 weeks. So, imagine my surprise when I realized it has been a month since I posted my last blog!

We are continuing are daily Proverbs reading, although there have been days that the breakfast reading doesn't get read until the after dinner reading...going to work on that.

This is going to be a quick one, as Greg is just about done brushing his teeth, and we are going to enjoy watching the lightning for a few moments before finding slumber.

My leg is doing WONDERFUL! I am 6 weeks ahead of schedule, doing yoga, jogging on the elliptical, lifting weights, doing lots of stretching, and enjoying getting up and down steps easier.

We listed the house with a realtor, and we are currently in negotiations with hopes of closing and moving by June 1st.

Ethan is finishing up 2nd grade schooling, and Emma is working on her reading.

I am spending lots of time cleaning out rooms, preparing for yard sales, and imagining how I will function in a different home.

I've moved 7 times in my life. At age 20, Ethan and I moved in with my sister Indy and her husband for 2 months. We then moved back to my parents. Three months later, we moved to a small home in Stanaford. Six months later, we moved back in with my parents. Fourteen months later, we moved into an apartment on N Sandbranch Rd. Greg and I were married, Emma was born, and a year later we moved into his parents for 2 months until finally our home was finished, and we moved in here!

Needless to say, all of the other moves were done in one day and were very easy. Packing was a breeze, there was a minimal amount of belongings, and it just wasn't that bad.

However, this will be different story. Greg has lived here all of his 32 years, with the exception of one year when he grabbed his clothes and his toothbrush the day after we were married in order to move in the apartment.

I'll try to do a better job of blogging this month...no promises!

Rebuke a wise man, and he will love thee - Proverbs 9

2009-03-09T18:36:00.000-07:00

This morning as I read today's Proverbs to Ethan and Emma, this verse really stood out to me.

9:8
Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee: rebuke a wise man, and he will love thee.

There have been times in my life that I have had someone inform me of something I had clearly need to be informed of, but it wasn't always easy to digest.

Some of you may know what I'm talking about. You may feel conviction over certain areas of your life, and more so when you are congregated with certain people who Christ has maybe helped conquer that struggle. What if they rebuked you for your sin? Would you be offended? Probably so, huh?

I can remember when I was single with Ethan and I was working long hours. I really wanted to have a social life, work hard, and be a good mom. But that was the order I wanted things, too. My older sister Indy was wise enough to call me on it. I can remember the conversation still to this day. I was driving home from the place I worked in Princeton, I was on the phone with her. I can remember the feeling I had in my gut hearing her describe how wrong my actions were. I was so angry. With myself. Not with her! I couldn't be angry with her! I was the one who needed to hear it.

I challenge you to be obedient to Christ in this area. Ask him to help you learn how to rebuke with grace when necessary.

I am so glad my sister said what needed to be said. I am far from wise, and believe me, there are many times I'd rather not hear hers, or any other person's take on my actions. But I pray that I will hear the Lord's voice when He needs me to return that favor.

"They made me do it." - loved this article

2009-03-09T18:25:00.000-07:00

Last week I received the March-April magazine from No Greater Joy. I thoroughly enjoy reading their articles and getting tips on various issues as they share their wisdom. I'm not saying I back them up as I would the Gospel, but they have pointed out lots of things to me through their writings that I needed to hear.

I just wanted to post a paragraph from an article by Michael Pearl.

I found it to be so, well, just right on.

Give sinful men white robes to wear, and some will inevitably alter theirs to be more fashionable or to "stand out". Give men the law of God, and some will teach for doctrines the commandments of men. Teach men about their liberty in Christ, and some will use it to fulfill their lusts. Instruct parents to use the rod to train their children, and some will see it as an excuse to abuse their children. Tell husbands they are the head of their families, and some will feel justified in emotionally and physically abusing their wives and children.. Tell wives to submit to their husbands, and some will tolerate criminal acts against themselves and their children in hopes of being a good help meet. And, if you assure people they have eternal security in Christ, some will sin before sundown. It is the way of humankind, the lot of the fallen sons of Adam and the reason Jesus said, "the road is broad that leads to destruction" and " there will be many which go in thereat." In the day of judgment, no one will be able to point to his teachers and say, "They made me do it." Every man and woman will stand alone before God and give account of the deeds done in the body, whether they be good or bad.

I hope you find it as right on as I did.

Proverbs 6: procrastinator?

2009-03-06T08:05:00.000-08:00

So it is becoming a funny joke about my sheet-covered TV.

But after reading today's Proverbs I felt pretty good about our anti-laziness mindset.

6:6-11(Ryrie notes) The wise teacher rebukes the slothful person, who characteristically does not begin things (6:9), does not complete things (12:27), and makes excuses for his laziness (22:13).

When I find a scripture that speaks of something the Lord hates, I'm thinking that is worthy of our attention, right?

6:16-19 NIV

There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.

I pray that you will find this daily Proverbs reading as insightful as I have. Ethan is reading us the story of Joseph's brothers bowing down to him now. So, this is the end of blogging for today. I am blessed.

Proverbs 5:hard questions to answer

2009-03-06T07:11:00.000-08:00

For those unaware...

When I was 19 years old, on St. Patrick's Day of 2000, I found out that I would be bringing my firstborn into the world that year.

I was young, unstable, rebellious, selfish, corrupt, ignorant, naive, and more importantly, still "going to church". I do not brag about my past as though the Lord came down and miraculously picked me up out of this sin pit of crazy drinking and drugs and now I am as clean as the fresh snow. I have never really been ok with people thinking that only wild and crazy girls fall into this sin trap and become young, unwed mothers. I tell the story of not a lifestyle of sin, but a lifestyle of straddling the fence.

You see, although I was the negatives I first mentioned, I wasn't the latter. I wasn't living a "lifestyle" of the partying and immaturity that one would assume breeds illegitimate children. I was living at home with mom and dad, working, and although I had been guilty of the occasional partying, at this time in my life I was honestly trying to live much better. That was the problem. I was trying. Not submitting.

I spent the rest of that spring, summer, and early fall feeling the joy of carrying a miracle, and the pain and heartache of being a disappointment, and a hypocrite, to all those I faced at church every week.

Ethan was born in November of 2000, and shortly after he was born my rebellion and selfishness drove me again. I lived the first year of his life just trying to prove to people I could do it all on my own. I loved him, of course I loved him, but I wasn't being the mother he deserved. Man, that was one of the hardest things I've ever typed. Whoa, tears, lump in throat, ouch.....ok.....moving on.

Just after his first birthday, I began seeing Greg. Greg was wonderful to both myself, and to Ethan. I started feeling a security blanket of having a man to complete my dysfunctional family. We dated for a few months, and just as I let my guard down to think that the Lord had given me another chance at normalcy, Greg decided he couldn't handle becoming a father and a husband so soon. As painful as those few months without him were, it is funny to me that exactly a year from the day we split up, we had been married 6 weeks, and I was nursing our 2 week old Emma Rae.

Although we were attending church, even helping out with Bible School the summer Emma was conceived, we allowed ourselves to spend too much alone time together. That is why when people laugh at the thought of courtship, or at encouraging boys and girls to wait til they are 18 or older to date altogether, I want to scream, "Why wasn't I told that?"

Why is all of this relevant to Proverbs 5? When reading it to Ethan and Emma yesterday morning, stopping and paraphrasing for them after every few verses, he asked, "So, you are only supposed to have children with one person?"

"Yes."

"But I had Bill for a dad, before daddy, and Emma had daddy from the beginning?"

"Yes."

"Was I at your wedding?"

"Yes."

The real question my 8 yr old was probably wondering, but graceful enough to not ask, is "Well, why do you have 2 children by 2 different people if you aren't supposed to?"

My answer would be, "Because I didn't head my mother and father's instruction. I didn't hide God's word in my heart that I might not sin against Him. I read the Bible occasionally, but I didn't submit my life to Him as we are to do. And because of that, I suffered a great deal of pain from the consequences of my sin, and now you, my son, will suffer pain because of your mother's sin." No matter how great of a relationship Ethan has with Greg, and believe me, it is wonderful, Ethan will always have to deal with the fact that his biological father chose to not be a part of his life.

5:11-14 (again from Ryrie) Loose living consumes one's strength(perhaps through disease, v. 11), activates one's conscience (vv.12-13), and brings public disgrace(v.14).

Read Proverbs to your children. Pray for them. Train them. Teach them about submission to the Holy Spirit. Hold them accountable.

And if you do these things, and they are as rebellious as I was, and they end up in sin....Read Proverbs to them, pray for them, train them, and teach them about submission to the Holy Spirit. God is faithful. My sin caused problems in my family that I cannot even begin to explain, especially with my father. Not one, but two children conceived in sin, that is a lot for a Christian father to forgive. But we now all have a wonderful fellowship together, especially my husband and my father. God is faithful.

Proverbs 4 - not a self-help book

2009-03-04T19:29:00.000-08:00

Wisdom provides us with many benefits:(this is coming straight from my Ryrie, I tried to paraphrase...but it is just isn't working) watchcare and honor (1-9) guidance in the way of righteousness (10-19) and life, health and integrity (20-27)

I once heard an example of integrity being explained as though it is a complete circle. A complete unit or entity. That means there is no room for interruption in its completeness. No room for a small break in the circle, or it is no longer whole. Just like an integer, a whole number that can only be divided by itself. So what does this whole stuff mean to me? Well, I have found that a person of integrity has to be the Real Deal...the whole package...all that and a bag of chips...how do they get that way? What keeps a person from being those things?

If there is one small thing that breaks up the circle, they are toast, huh? You know this to be true. You've been in a circle of friends where you liked someone, thought they were charming and a sincere person. Then you've seen or heard them do something that shocked you. You never viewed them in the same light. They had a crack in their circle. No longer worthy of the description, a person of integrity.

How do I believe we achieve that description? Submission.

Submission to our Sovereign God who indwells us with the Holy Spirit. Not in a way that causes us to be chaotic or to act out emotionally at every little fleshly tug in our gut, but in a stable Christ-like manner that is seen by the world as we live our faith out loud. I believe that the reason I love Proverbs so much is because it is so practical. But we mustn't allow it to be come a Self-Help Book. We must instead realize that the only way to strive for integrity is to take us out of the picture. More of Christ's attitude, more of Christ's example, more of Christ's wisdom, for this is the only way. The crack in our human circle is proof that no one human can be a person of integrity without the Holy Spirit. For I can do all things through Christ with strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

Let us not do this so that we will be described as a person with integrity here on earth, but rather so that we will be able to present our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is our reasonable service. Romans 12:1

For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith. Romans 12:3

I pray we do not do good to be seen as good. I pray we do not read Proverbs to be seen as wise. I pray we read and study, so that the Holy Spirit can make us what we were designed to be, a living sacrifice. Get off your high horse if you are thinking that you are a good person for studying, or for helping someone, or for praying - none of this is you doing anything! Instead, find a joy in serving Christ by submission to God through the Holy Spirit, to God be the Glory.

Okay - so that was just the first verses of Proverbs and a variety of other stuff, but like I advised earlier, let the Lord lead your devotions, you will be blessed for it. I know I was during this short study.

Proverbs 3

2009-03-03T17:32:00.000-08:00

My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity. 1-2

Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. 7-8

Honor the Lord with your wealth, with the first fruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine. 9-10

Do not say to your neighbor, "Come back later; I'll give it tomorrow" when you now have it with you. 28

The way I see it, the citizens of the United States of America are exactly where we have chosen to be. Those who have forgotten the commands and teachings of their elders are living lives shortened by stress caused by lack of prosperity.

Everyone seems to think they are extremely smart and I haven't seen much shunning of evil, more like embracing it! America is the only country where the poverty level citizens are far from showing their ribs from starvation. Not so healthy, eh?

Is God getting what is left out of our paychecks these days? Then don't be surprised when you aren't getting the raise you have been praying for.

Are you "sharing your wealth" with someone who doesn't have what you have, and is in need? As I'm typing this, my husband just went in and got his friend Cliff some of the cake I just made for him to take it home. My first "made from scratch" chocolate cake and icing was pretty tasty this evening after our cheeseburger and fried tater dinner. His friend Cliff struggles with depression and is often found stopping by our home to see what was for dinner. He lives alone and we are the closest thing the man has to a family. As they were wrapping up conversation, Greg wanted to make sure he sent him home with some of that rich chocolate we got to enjoy. My husband makes me smile when he imitates Christ in such a giving way.

I am loving this time the Lord is blessing us with as a family.

A Proverbs a day keeps the excuses away...

2009-03-02T19:41:00.000-08:00

I read a pretty good book last week. Written by Michelle & Jim Bob Duggar, it tells their secrets of running their home in a frugal manner, and also the faith they are living out loud as a part of the Quiverfull movement. Although I cannot honestly say I have found myself to be convicted in all the same ways, I am finding lots of good tips in their book. Recipes, family chore ideas, and home school tips, just to name a few.

The one that we have applied the last 8 days, and I have grown extremely excited about, is reading a chapter from Proverbs that corresponds with the day of the month. We started last Monday with Proverbs 23 and since we only had 28 days this month, we read 29, 30, 31, and 1 last night.

I have found that Proverbs is addictive. I studied it some last fall, and honestly, I got out of my routine when I hurt my knee and hadn't got back in it!

However, the children and I read it in the morning with our breakfast. Then before bedtime, Greg reads it to us again. We pull out verses we liked, or verses we didn't understand, and then we talk about areas in our lives where we should have practiced more self-control or more wisdom.

However, the biggest thing for me is the the practical application there is in that book. It is not as easy to give into a temptation when you have this fresh scripture in your head that is saying, "If you do this - you are lazy and lacking in self-control, you are better to put a knife to your throat!!!"

I challenge you to try this. I know we all have our own devotions that we like to do. Hopefully you rely more on God to point you in the right direction as far as what scriptures you should dive into for the day instead of just The Daily Bread booklets or a devotional that someone else thinks was good for March 3rd. Or just reading 1 chapter from Proverbs because it is the same # as the day of the month, for that matter!

Now I also want to mention that I'm still really stuck on these thoughts I've had for the past year since Christy Mlekodaj (a missionary friend the Lord blessed me with) shared with me a study they were doing at church about relying more on being lead by the Spirit than trying to personally change your ways to do this or do that. The Word should be our main line of communication that the Spirit can use, it isn't like you're gonna get a neon sign saying, "Stop being lazy. Please turn TV off, computer off, and even the phone off and spend some time with me this evening."!!!

Read Proverbs 3 on March 3rd, and if you have a scripture that jumps out at you, share it with us!

Again - don't just read that and pat yourself on the back like you've just done a good deed for the day! Pray about areas where the Lord needs to strengthen your spiritual artillery, and then get to studying!

What am I studying along with Proverbs??? Submission. All the way around. Submission to Christ, submission to Greg, and even submission to authority that I have a tendency to rebel against.

Ignorance is bliss. This is kinda true, ya know it? There are some things that I may not feel as convicted about, simply because I haven't studied it as I should. But after reading something in the morning, hearing it at night, and then praying that God uses it to help me keep from conforming to the world, man, I'm tellin' ya, a Proverbs a day keeps the excuses away!!!

Off my crutches...

2009-02-26T17:16:00.000-08:00

I met with my surgeon on Tuesday and my Physical Therapist Wednesday this week. I was given the okay to go off my crutches and to get out of my brace!

I'm about 3 weeks ahead of schedule with my recovery. I was given the release to do therapy only once every other week. But of course I have to do about 45 minutes of exercises and stretches every day. I'm guessing because I've been doing that for the last 4 weeks, the Lord is blessing my efforts, and that is why I'm bouncing back so fast.

I can start a light workout routine back up this week. I can do the stationary bike, elliptical, light weights for lower body, upper body and abs.

Somehow, I have actually managed to lose about 6 lbs since surgery. I don't know how, but I'm grateful for the boost towards being healthier!!

I still have about 9 months til I can get back to doing some of the things I did before like shooting ball, playing volleyball, and kickboxing might be more than a year away. But I can start swimming again, so I'm just ready for summer.

As always, thank you so much for your prayers! I'm telling you, I don't know how a knee can go through all of that and survive. But God is still in the business of healing and providing, even if I didn't have to go visit Benny Henn.

The Bitter Homeschooler's Wish List

2009-02-26T17:09:00.000-08:00

The Bitter Homeschooler's Wish List

By Deborah Markus, from Secular Homeschooling Magazine, Issue #1, Fall 2007

*1 - Please stop asking us if it's legal. If it is — and it is — it's insulting to imply that we're criminals. And if we were criminals, would we admit it?*

2 - Learn what the words "socialize" and "socialization" mean, and use the one you really mean instead of mixing them up the way you do now. Socializing means hanging out with other people for fun. Socialization means having acquired the skills necessary to do so successfully and pleasantly. If you're talking to me and my kids, that means that we do in fact go outside now and then to visit the other human beings on the planet, and you can safely assume that we've got a decent grasp of both concepts.

*3 - Quit interrupting my kid at her dance lesson, scout meeting, choir practice, baseball game, art class, field trip, park day, music class, 4H club, or soccer lesson to ask her if as a homeschooler she ever gets to socialize.

*4 - Don't assume that every homeschooler you meet is homeschooling for the same reasons and in the same way as that one homeschooler you know.

*5 - If that homeschooler you know is actually someone you saw on TV, either on the news or on a "reality" show, the above goes double.

*6 - Please stop telling us horror stories about the homeschoolers you know, know of, or think you might know who ruined their lives by homeschooling. You're probably the same little bluebird of happiness whose hobby is running up to pregnant women and inducing premature labor by telling them every ghastly birth story you've ever heard. We all hate you, so please go away.

*7 - We don't look horrified and start quizzing your kids when we hear they're in public school. Please stop drilling our children like potential oil fields to see if we're doing what you consider an adequate job of homeschooling.

*8 - Stop assuming all homeschoolers are religious.

*9 - Stop assuming that if we're religious, we must be homeschooling for religious reasons.

*10 - We didn't go through all the reading, learning, thinking, weighing of options, experimenting, and worrying that goes into homeschooling just to annoy you. Really. This was a deeply personal decision, tailored to the specifics of our family. Stop taking the bare fact of our being homeschoolers as either an affront or a judgment about your own educational decisions.

*11 - Please stop questioning my competency and demanding to see my credentials. I didn't have to complete a course in catering to successfully cook dinner for my family; I don't need a degree in teaching to educate my children. If spending at least twelve years in the kind of chew-it-up-and-spit-it-out educational facility we call public school left me with so little information in my memory banks that I can't teach the basics of an elementary education to my nearest and dearest, maybe there's a reason I'm so reluctant to send my child to school.

*12 - If my kid's only six and you ask me with a straight face how I can possibly teach him what he'd learn in school, please understand that you're calling me an idiot. Don't act shocked if I decide to respond in kind.

*13 - Stop assuming that because the word "home" is right there in "homeschool," we never leave the house. We're the ones who go to the amusement parks, museums, and zoos in the middle of the week and in the off-season and laugh at you because you have to go on weekends and holidays when it's crowded and icky.

*14 - Stop assuming that because the word "school" is right there in homeschool, we must sit around at a desk for six or eight hours every day, just like your kid does. Even if we're into the "school" side of education — and many of us prefer a more organic approach — we can burn through a lot of material a lot more efficiently, because we don't have to gear our lessons to the lowest common denominator.

*15 - Stop asking, "But what about the Prom?" Even if the idea that my kid might not be able to indulge in a night of over-hyped, over-priced revelry was enough to break my heart, plenty of kids who do go to school don't get to go to the Prom. For all you know, I'm one of them. I might still be bitter about it. So go be shallow somewhere else.

*16 - Don't ask my kid if she wouldn't rather go to school unless you don't mind if I ask your kid if he wouldn't rather stay home and get some sleep now and then.

*17 - Stop saying, "Oh, I could never homeschool!" Even if you think it's some kind of compliment, it sounds more like you're horrified. One of these days, I won't bother disagreeing with you any more.

*18 - If you can remember anything from chemistry or calculus class, you're allowed to ask how we'll teach these subjects to our kids. If you can't, thank you for the reassurance that we couldn't possibly do a worse job than your teachers did, and might even do a better one.

*19 - Stop asking about how hard it must be to be my child's teacher as well as her parent. I don't see much difference between bossing my kid around academically and bossing him around the way I do about everything else.

*20 - Stop saying that my kid is shy, outgoing, aggressive, anxious, quiet, boisterous, argumentative, pouty, fidgety, chatty, whiny, or loud because he's homeschooled. It's not fair that all the kids who go to school can be as annoying as they want to without being branded as representative of anything but childhood.

*21 - Quit assuming that my kid must be some kind of prodigy because she's homeschooled.

*22 - Quit assuming that I must be some kind of prodigy because I homeschool my kids.

*23 - Quit assuming that I must be some kind of saint because I homeschool my kids.

*24 - Stop talking about all the great childhood memories my kids won't get because they don't go to school, unless you want me to start asking about all the not-so-great childhood memories you have because you went to school.

*25 - Here's a thought: If you can't say something nice about homeschooling, shut up!

This is so funny! It is exactly how I feel sometimes. My prayer is I'll remember the grace that God has given me, so that I can answer with the grace He would want me to offer to others!

Started my Physical Therapy

2009-02-13T01:01:00.000-08:00

Thank you to so many who are praying for me as I continue to heal from my surgery. I know that the Lord is giving me strength and is teaching me patience throughout this ordeal.

I just wanted to do a quick update on my recovery.

I started physical therapy this past Monday. They gave me a series of stretches and exercises to do daily. Although they are painful, I can feel the difference it is making.

I go back to see the surgeon next Tuesday. I am hoping to get the ok to just report in for therapy once a week. It is expensive and time consuming to do be there twice every week, especially when this could last 3 months. We shall see.

I helped Greg with dinner this evening, which felt nice. I started driving again this week, and I'm feeling more stable on my knee as the days go by.

The incision healed incredibly well, although that scar is crooked, it hasn't bothered me at all.

I am still on crutches, and from what I understand, I will be for at least another 3 weeks.

I'm not sleeping well at all,(note it is 4:11 am right now). Since Monday I have been experiencing quite a bit of pain in my thigh. The therapist said it is probably where my bone is healing around the screw and anchor. It comes and goes, but for some reason, I'm just not able to rest well.

Although, since I've not slept at all tonight, I am starting to get sleepy. So, I will end this blog and hopefully get a few hours of sleep!

Hope to get a comment or maybe two!!!

2009-02-12T22:46:00.000-08:00

Almost two weeks ago, I made an attempt to stir up some discussion amongst us.

I described 3 different types of communicators, and asked that you try to figure out which one best described you. I had hoped that it would break the ice and I would have a few of you leave comments on whether you were a Q, R, or G.

I was bummed that you were all Qs and couldn't even muster up the courage to admit it. But I'll give you another chance!

Here is just one scripture that I feel touches on communication.

James 1:26
If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion is vain.

This verse packs a big punch, eh?

Of course we know that we are supposed to watch what we say! Hello! We know that gossip is wrong. We know that cursing is wrong. We know that nagging our spouses is wrong. We know that telling an off-color joke is wrong. We know that telling a lie is wrong.

We know that we should speak up for Christ when given the chance. We know we should share His message with the lost. We know that we should disciple new believers. We know that we should encourage those who are hurting with kind words.

We know that we should pray.

So, I'm curious.

When was the last time you spoke about someone in a way that wasn't pleasing to the Lord?

When was the last time you expressed frustration with words that you probably wouldn't have used if your pastor was by your side?

When was the last time you used words that annoyed, frustrated, or even ridiculed your spouse?

When was the last time you forwarded a joke to select few, but again, chose to not share that with the pastor?

When was the last time you exaggerated the truth ever-so-slightly?

When was the last time you took a verbal stand for Christ?

When was the last time you were able to sit down and share God's love and forgiveness with a lost person?

When was the last time you took time to disciple a new Christian?

When was the last time you went out of your way to express sincere concern for someone in need of encouragement?

When was the last time you really talked with God?

I have often taken spells where I get into writing in my journal. I write down my thoughts from the day, events from the day, and even what I ate. Just the act of writing it down helps me to be more aware of what is going on in my life. When I am really serious about having a more balanced diet, I keep a food journal. I can't question why I'm up a few lbs if I have concrete notes stating I ate 4 slices of pizza for dinner 5 times this week! What makes it even more effective, is when I would turn it into the trainer at the gym. I don't want them thinking I am too weak to abstain from overindulging, so I can either lie and eat bad, or I can eat in a way that I don't mind admitting to.

Are you communicating in a way that you don't mind admitting to?

If you kept a journal of things you were saying, or things that you should have said, would you be embarrassed to share it with me?

Maybe you are a Q who is struggling with being more vocal with your faith.

Maybe you are a R who needs to go out of your way more often to disciple and encourage others.

Maybe you are a G who needs to practice more submission to Christ's authority when speaking.

If you are like me, and you answered these questions, but don't want to share your answers with any humans anytime soon, I hope you will share them with the Lord. I pray that it will encourage you to spend more time in His word learning ways to be more like Him.

If you feel comfortable, leave a comment with your thoughts on this post. Share another scripture, or even a testimony as to how God is using you and your style of communicating for His glory.

Educate yourself on your children's education

2009-02-06T21:31:00.000-08:00

"What did you learn in school today?"

This is a question asked by thousands of parents around our nation around 6pm every single day.

I know when Ethan was in the public school system for 2 years, I asked him that a number of times. But I never really got an answer.

I trusted that the lovely teachers who were spending so much time with him had his best interests in mind, and that he was learning things that any 5 or 6 year old should learn.

But as Ethan was approaching the end of Kindergarten, I had to confront myself with a truth I had been struggling with. Why is someone else doing my job? God gave me and Greg Ethan and Emma as gifts. Gifts that we are to train, to educate, to disciple in such a way that God is ultimately glorified.

At 4 months, do we send our newborn away to a school to learn how to roll over?
At 8 months, do we send our baby away to a school to learn how to crawl or to walk?
At 1 years, do we send our toddler away to a school to learn how to talk?
At 2 years, do we send our little girl to a school to be taught how to go to the potty?

Then what PROGRAMS us to enroll our 4 year olds in Pre-School? By law, we don't have to enroll children into an educational program until they are 6. So why do we start them out at 4? Well everyone else is doing it????

Most people say they need the income of two parents to make ends meet, and that school helps with child care. I'd like to know then, are all these people out of work suddenly pulling their children out of school?

I'm not trying to be condescending. I know some of you reading this have children in a school system outside of your home, and I would hope you know I'm not attacking your parenting ability. I have every right to speak up on this issue, I had a very poor view of home-schooling not that long ago. I read many articles like this one I am writing, and I thought to myself, who are you to judge me? I hope that you are involved in their education outside of the school, and that you are more concerned with the condition of their heart than you are their ability to add and subtract. Just don't trust that the school system knows what is best for your child. You know what is best for them, and we need to ensure that we are just as involved in their training as their teachers are.

At 4 years old, I sent my Ethan into a school with hundreds of strangers to learn how to socialize. Right? Isn't that why we do it? That is what they say Pre-School is for. To learn how to interact with other children and to learn some basic skills in order to be able to function well in Kindergarten. Question: Why would I want hundreds of strangers to teach my son how to behave? Why didn't I just teach him how to behave? When a kid gets in trouble in his teen years, do the parents say, "I'm sorry, he has been running around with me and his dad and, well, I just don't know what has gotten into him." Or do they say, "He's a good kid, he has just gotten in with the wrong crowd."? Where did that wrong crowd come from? Yes, that is right, that crowd is the crowd you asked to teach your Johnny how to behave.

This is hard to swallow for some. Believe me, when I was facing the idea that I would give up a career I had worked so hard to build so that I could be full-time mom and full-time educator, I was confused. I was close to having my schedule opened up to mornings at the gym, lunches with friends, and afternoons of chores before an evening and night of children. Now I would go into weeks, months, years of having my children by my side. Oh my, can you picture the majority of moms at the soccer field screeching in horror as you paint the picture of being expected to tend to your children's needs all day long? I hear moms complain about summer because they will have to deal with their offspring. A snow day to some is exciting because they can sleep in and don't have to be annoyed with getting their children off to school, to others it is a nightmare because they will be the ones expected to entertain their gifts for the day.

I know this seems harsh. Maybe you will read this and become upset with me and never visit my site again. I will say I am sorry if you feel such anger because of my questions or my challenges.

But if you are set on your children receiving an education outside of their home, please, take the time to educate yourself on your child's education. Know what their science books are going to tell them about us coming to life through evolution. Know what their health books are going to tell them about reproduction. Know what their kindergarten reading books are going to teach them about same-sex marriages. Yes, you heard me right.

This will shock you, but my dear reader, anytime now - it could be your 5 year old reading about a young Prince finding himself another fine Prince to have as his husband.

Everybody wants to be a winner!!

2009-02-06T16:36:00.000-08:00

So here is your chance.

The gentleman that has the power to make you a winner, is married to an awesome woman, and has a gift for conveying unique information.

Enjoy his & hers literary work, and hopefully you'll get to congratulate me when I win the drawing.

My investment of thought for the day...

2009-02-06T16:13:00.000-08:00

I stumbled upon a blog sometime back and began following to gain inspiration from a fellow homeschooling mama.

Today when I logged in and read her latest post, I was intrigued with what I found.

So, I took a few moments to check out the first article, and decided to throw a comment in there to give some support to Ms. Stringer.

You can read my comment there, it was my investment of thought for the day.

I signed in under the username Cadle.

After you finish with that, I hope you'll find time to read the first post of hers that I read.

the activity of conveying information

2009-02-01T08:43:00.000-08:00

Hello my faithful followers who demonstrate your support by visiting my spot of blogging and create in me an experience that is altogether warm and fuzzy by making your presence known with a sincere comment that encourages me to keep on writing to appreciate...

I have lots of thoughts stirring around in my head today. I have been on and off writing almost all day, and I'm honestly struggling with the activity of conveying this information.

But here goes nothing...

The topic is communication.

I'm going to describe a few different types of communicators. After you read the descriptions, I ask that you try to figure out which one you relate to the most.

The first is Q - for the quiet person.

A Q is one who just simply doesn't feel the need to voice everything that pops in their head. A Q may giggle over a joke, or even add a story to a conversation if asked, but for the most part they are just more comfortable with someone else leading the conversation. Is a Q always just shy? I know of some Qs who do not feel as confident in their ability to communicate and so their level of interaction with people may vary on the environment. Some may be extremely secure in their ability to communicate and therefore feel no reason to talk just to talk. They may have strong beliefs and convictions, and yet are content to keep it to themselves. Silence in a room of a few people isn't so awkward that Q would begin a conversation just to break the ice. One thing is for sure, a Q rarely has to walk out of a room or hang up the phone asking themselves, "Why on earth did I say that? When will I learn to shut my mouth?"

The second is R - for the reserved person.

I am related to a spitting image of a reserved person but I will hold off on naming her in case she reads this and wants to try to label herself on her own. The "R" person may have strong beliefs and convictions, and they probably don't need to be given an electric volt in order to voice them. I would say that most feel secure in their ability to communicate, but don't have any desire to dominate the conversation. When needed, they could step up and lead a group in a discussion but know when to take a seat and be taught rather than to teach. Speaking isn't something they typically do without thinking and rationalizing first. Therefore, they typically can avoid leaving a room asking themselves the above named questions.

The third is G - for the gabby person.

I have found that a G is typically unable to tolerate silence in a room of a few people, they must break the ice with conversation and then continue to either dominate or facilitate until the very end. There is no question as to if a G does or does not have strong beliefs or convictions, if G does have them, you will need to administrate an electric shock to stop hearing about them and their point of origin. Details are necessary for the shortest of stories. If you already have a G in mind, you know that sometimes you just have to give them that extra hour to finish the 3 minute story or your interruptions may give them a moment to remember something else they must share with you. A G is comfortable leading a group discussion, and probably interrupts often if it is being lead by someone else. The G will almost certainly walk away from every conversation asking the question,"Why on earth did I say that? When will I learn to shut my mouth?"

Communication - the activity of conveying information.

I am a recovering G. Almost all my life I really thought that it was just who I was and that I needed to embrace it rather than feel insecure about it. I finally realized that the insecurity I felt over it was the Holy Spirit trying to help me find a style of conveying information that could help others to see more of Christ and less of Jamie.

Old habits die hard, and I still have days where I wish I wouldn't have been so vocal, but I am hoping that maturity in Christ will create a more reserved spirit within me.

I am grateful to God that, in spite of my flaws, He is still working in me and through me. There have been times when I have had a few people asking me about leading a Bible Study, or ladies from my church who thanked me for something that I may have offered up as we studied together in a group. The Lord hasn't called me to do any of those things right now, and I am quite content with being a keeper of the home that is ministering daily to the needs of my husband and children.

Since I am not going to be starting up my own cult anytime soon, I have been entertaining an idea of sharing some things I am learning here on the blog.

Now, I want to be careful here. I do not want to start a Bible Blog Club that would tempt someone to just read it, comment back, maybe look up a scripture and it just become another drive-thru devotional to add to their ever-slowing digestive system. Some of you may have a daily time that you set aside to study God's word. Some of you might be slacking in that department and need to quit trying to justify why you aren't in God's word in between church services. I am guilty of times where I have let life, hobbies, schooling, and even laziness deafen the voice of my heavenly father who desires more time with me in prayer and the reading of His word. I pray that you and I will be challenged to make that a top priority in our lives.

The objective of starting this will be to open up the lines of communication so that you feel okay sharing whether you are a Q, R, or a G.

The topic of communication is my first attempt at getting your brain going.

Find a passage that gives us an idea of how our Lord wants us to communicate, and what type of information should we be conveying.

I'm looking forward to hearing what you have to say.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I shouldn't have...

2009-02-01T06:11:00.000-08:00

After surviving my check-up on Wednesday and taking the kids to their annual check-ups on Friday, of course with the help of my paternal chauffeur, I was feeling a little brave yesterday. Maybe too brave?

I woke up around 8:00 to get a shower and get ready for Ethan's game. I was feeling so much better because Friday I had managed to get in the downstairs bathroom and get a shower all by myself. All of us got ready and headed to Ethan's basketball game at The Place, I was feeling really good and was so relieved to be able to get around so much better than the previous Saturday's game.

It turned out that Ethan's team would be playing against the team of Kaitlyn Sweeney. Kaitlyn is Kelly's daughter. Kelly and I had been the bestest of best friends from first grade up. Although the years of jobs and motherhood have kept us from talking and seeing each other on a regular basis, it seems no time is lost when I run into her at sporting events throughout the year. It is as if we are back in high school as we chat each other up about the current phases of life we are experiencing. It was a great game. Ethan's team didn't pull off a victory, although they don't officially keep score, Kaitlyn's team dominated and we had to swallow our pride to admit defeat. Okay, so I'm a little dramatic about it, but I'm telling you, I find great happiness in watching my son play ball.

After the game, I knew Greg would want to grab some food before picking up some groceries and heading home. I thought it best to go ahead and use the restroom at The Place than having to wander around a slippery restaurant floor with my crutches. As I attempted to exit the restroom stall, my extremely handy cell phone slipped out of my sweatshirt pocket and was swept off by the current of the massively strong toilet. I've heard of folks dropping their phones in the toilet, I spent almost 2 years working at US Cellular, I heard lots of things. But actually managing to flush it down the toilet...geez...

Greg found it quite amusing. Let us pause for a moment as we try extremely hard to imagine my husband finding humor in this situation. Okay, I'm done, are you done? As we drove down the hill leaving the gym, he cupped his hand to his ear and looked over at the culvert swearing he heard it ringing.

Moving on.

We went straight to US Cellular where they confirmed my dreaded thoughts...I had remembered calling and taking off a few bells and whistles to lower our phone bill because of my surgery. I knew that I would be at home more than anything in the upcoming months and therefore thought it would be in my best interest to drop the insurance I had on my phone. Um, yeah, well, enough said. I had just purchased this phone back in October. It had cost me almost $200. I had ruined my ipod by accidentally running it through the washer, so I wanted a phone that would also work as a music player. It wasn't too fancy, but it served it's purpose perfectly. I had hundreds of #s stored in it. And now it was gone, and I was paying $110 for a used phone to try to take it's place.

We ate lunch and decided to make the best of our time, we would split up and I would go to Wal-Mart while he went to Sams to get the few items on our list. Greg dropped off Ethan and myself at Wal-Mart. I had every intention of getting one of those scooters and attempting to not humiliate myself by pulling a back and forth Austin Powers episode in front of a Saturday shopping crowd. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it. So, with my faithful silver crutches, we headed off to pick up 5 things. He dropped me off at the grocery side. We walked over to get some pencils and erasers for school, then to get nail polish, then to get a mini sd card for my phone(my other one was now in the sewer), then all the way to the back to get yogurt, and finally back up to get lettuce and to check out. All this time Ethan is pushing the cart while I am walking about 1 step per minute. On the way to retrieve the lettuce, I started to feel my leg giving out. It was getting really heavy and my brace was feeling really tight. We checked out and when i got in the car I realized that I had made a huge mistake. My thoughts were a little walking wouldn't hurt, and would maybe even be good for me.

I was wrong.

We came straight home and I put on some shorts and assumed my position on my reclining couch. My leg was huge. I'm talking HUGE! From the back of my knee down to my toes my leg was bulging. I removed the brace and just couldn't believe how tight my skin was. It was extremely painful and I was just so angry that I had went from feeling so much better to having to prop it up and ice it again.

I spent all of the evening, night, and this morning with it propped up, and also icing it as often as I could. I wanted to be back at church really bad today, but there was just no way. I called the ER last night and talked with a nurse. He said to stay off of it for 24 hrs and then to ease myself back in to walking.

Greg was really disappointed with me for walking all that way in Wal-Mart, he kept saying that he thought I was going to get a scooter, and he wouldn't have dropped me off had he known that I was going to walk it. He was right, it was dumb, and I was paying for it. But in my defense, I thought a little exercise would be good for it.

It is almost 10 this Sunday morning, and here I am in the bed getting ready to eat a bacon biscuit that my husband just brought me.

I don't know if you ever find yourself doing this, but at night when I lay my head down, I do what I call a little emotion evaluation. I just kinda run through what is going on with the relationships in my life to see if there is a little something out of whack that I should work on the next day. The typical things like me and Greg, me and the kids, the people I talked to that day, the people I should have talked to that day, and then I usually pray and drift off to sleep. If there is something not right, and it is something that I have done and I can't fix, I have a hard time just praying and going to sleep. Let's face it, there are worse things that could happen to me than flushing my phone down the toilet or having a swollen leg, but because I caused those things and I can't fix it, it troubles me. I mean it really troubles me.

I find myself wallowing in regret. Now, I know that I shouldn't. I know that the Lord would want me to be focused on my blessings, to be thankful for so many good things going on in my life while others around me are currently suffering major heartache. But I have to admit that I struggle with forgiving myself for doing stupid things. I pray that I will start remembering that as a child of God, He has a purpose for me, and I am getting in the way of that purpose with my ignorant self pity.

Alrighty then, my biscuit is getting cold.

It's all in your head :) That's nice

2009-01-28T15:10:00.000-08:00

I had crazy dreams last night, and even though I did get some rest, I was seriously tempted to call and cancel my check-up appointment this morning. I would say that due to the weather I just can't make that trip to Princeton.

Then I opened the blinds and realized it was disturbingly clear outside. There went that plan.

We began getting ready, which is just kinda slow and awkward with my brace and crutches, when we realized my keys weren't anywhere to be found! My dad was coming to my house to drive us to Princeton in my van. Looking for keys on crutches is really hard. Up and down all around and the keys weren't anywhere to be found. As soon as my dad got here, he said, "Wouldn't YOUR keys be in YOUR purse?" I said, "No, I haven't driven in almost 2 weeks, so they would definitely not be in my purse."

So you know where they were now, don't you?

In my purse - of course they were in my purse, this wouldn't be worth typing if they weren't in my purse!

I got into the exam room and a lovely little lady with long fake nails came in to help me get up on the exam table. She said, "Oh, you have stitches, we'll get those out." She came back with a paper towel, tweezers, and scissors. She said, "This may sting a little bit." Then she took the tweezers and pulled my skin up and apart as she snipped the fishing line that was holding my skin together. um-ouch All the while she was poking my incision with her long nails.

The surgeon was out of town this week, so my check-up was with his Physician's Assistant Greg. We had met him at a previous appointment, and I just wanted to know if my leg should be able to do more than what it is doing, so that was fine.

They took X-rays and I got to see the cute little screws in my bones. yuck

They had me take off my brace and then lay back while he tried to bend my knee. um - ouch

He explained that there is only one problem with my post-surgery situation.

I'm a scaredy cat, and I'm holding back on my leg for fear of what might happen.

He demonstrated this by having me let my leg hang over the side of the table. I was extremely scared and kept wincing at the slightest feeling of discomfort. After letting it hang on it's own for a minute, I realized that it wasn't that bad. Thus the diagnosis - it's all in my head.

In my defense, I didn't exactly know what I could or couldn't do, or what I should or shouldn't expect it to be able to do. That was why I wanted to quiz him and then I could feel better about it. I did quiz him, quite a bit actually. Since he does everything except for the actuall surgery, he was probably not prepared for all my questions about what they did to my knee to remove the graft and then to reinstall the graft with drills and screws and anchors into my bones!! um-ouch After all, I've watched it on YouTube, I knew what I was talking about, did he?

I feel much better after finding out that I'm just making it worse in my head.

I'm on the road to recovery and will start my re-hab this coming week.

I can put 25% of my weight on it this week, 50% next week, 75% the next week and then full weight bearing for 2 weeks with crutches.

So I actually will be able to get off of my crutches if all goes well in about 5 to 6 weeks.

The numb feeling that is weirding me out is because of a nerve they cut during surgery. I may or may not get feeling back, which really isn't that big of a deal.

I should be able to lift it within the next week or so, and the Physical Therapist will help me with ways to try to keep the strength up so I don't lose all my muscle tone throughout the next 6 months. However, he did say I am losing a lot of muscle tone and it will be hard to get it back to where I was before.

I love a good challenge.

Thanks for a better day!

2009-01-27T16:23:00.000-08:00

So - my dad graciously agreed last night that he would escort me, kinda like driving miss daisy, to my hair appointment today. As well as help me get up and down my steps, which was what I was the most nervous about! Then considering the snow and ice today, I decided I probably shouldn't attempt the journey.

We spent the day inside, again, but it was a better day. I was able to get in some decent sleep last night, and that seems to be a good thing these days.

Right around 12 I realized that I had to come up with a way to get us lunch!! Ethan had fixed us cereal for breakfrast, but I still am a little uneasy on those lovely silver crutches. I have a phobia of spilling out on the floor and trying to coach Ethan through calling me in some help!

Of course I am the baby of 3 girls, so I called up my ever-spoiling, ever-helping, ever-wonderful mommy. And she did what she does best, she sent my dad over with Wendy's!

YAY, a baked potato and a chicken sandwich and I was a happy girl.

Thank you Mom and Dad - the best part of being down is having a reason for them to wait on me hand and foot!

It's almost 8 pm and Greg should be home soon, so that will make it an even better day.

My daddy will be taking me to the doctor tomorrow so we will have him to get us lunch. I will be attempting to fix chili for tomorrow evening...I have faith I can do it!

I'll let ya know what the dr says about my crooked scar tomorrow.

Been home over a week now...

2009-01-26T15:36:00.000-08:00

It is almost 7 on a Monday evening. My crazy pug is running from the front door to the back barking at noises he hears outside because for once, there aren't any noises inside.

It is just the pug and me right now.

Ethan had basketball practice, so my mom was gracious enough to come straight here after working almost 12 hrs, to take him since Greg isn't home yet. Emma wanted to tag along, of course. Which leaves me sitting on my couch all by my lonesome.

One thing that is going in our favor during this downtime is the amount of true "teaching" I am getting done. I am able to put so much time into each of our lessons that our schooling is turning out to be quite productive.

My leg is another story. I cannot lift it on my own. I wouldn't have ever thought about this being such a problem, but it is.

I physically cannot raise it. I have to grab the end of brace, towards my ankle, and tug on it to pull it up on the foot rest of the couch, or onto my bed.

The incision hasn't caused me any problems, but I am only able to bend it ever-so-slightly, and I'm starting to get concerned that it being straight for over a week has made it so stiff that I'm in for some serious pain when I start my rehab.

I cannot walk, not even one step, without my crutches. What does that mean? I cannot go into the kitchen to whip up a little something, or to even pour myself a drink, or I could maybe pour it I just couldn't carry it back to my seat. I cannot carry anything from one room to another, therefore, tidying up on my own is impossible.

So, I'm seriously looking forward to Wednesday's check-up appointment so that I can find out why I can't lift my leg. That is the only exercise that they specifically tell you to do the first 10 days after surgery, and I'm thinking I may have a small problem if I physically can't do it....hmmm...we shall see.

The help I have received from family and friends has been wonderful! My parents helped keep my children last weekend, then my sister Tarah came over on Monday and made some chili amongst other odds and ends, my sister Indy sent me an edible arrangement as well as bringing me lunch today after taking my children to their Gym n Swim class at the YMCA. A friend, Betsy, made some chicken pot pie for us on Thursday and another friend Lisa made us lasagna for Friday. My mom had a roast, potatos, and carrots delivered from the Butcher Block on Saturday - so thanks to all these folks, we have been taken care of quite well!

I go to the doctor Wednesday am, so I will post another update after that.

Tomorrow I have to go out for my hair appointment, on my own, with 2 kids. I'm not quite sure how I will get up or down the steps on my crutches without Greg's help, and I'm not quite sure how I will get in and out of the van, I do think I'll be okay driving though.

Prayers are appreciated!

Stop it with the funny stuff already!

2009-01-22T10:07:00.000-08:00

Now, those who know me personally are very aware that I find life to be quite comical, and I enjoy being goofy. But I must confess, I am starting to question my desire to turn everything into a joke.

I have been expressing my need for conversation with Greg that isn't one big joke for about a year now. But since my surgery Friday, I have been reminded how much my husband and I communicate through humor alone. Now, let me say this, when you are in terrible pain and you are having to have someone help you to even take a step...you're not in the mood for laughter. Yet, Greg couldn't help but crack jokes the entire time he was coaching me to walk on my crutches. To laugh was painful, yet he didn't understand I needed him to be serious and to quit saying, "Good girl, there you go, you can do it, good girl." - in a voice that he uses to talk to our dog.

Let me be clear, this comical behavior isn't ever present with just my husband. My parents and sisters have commented for years at how my children find EVERYTHING funny.

I wander why.

Could it be that we make everything funny?

I believe that laughter has a place in the world. I'm not saying we should go through our lives concerning ourselves with only serious matters and glaring down at those around us who are taking time to enjoy themselves by kicking back and sharing something amusing from their day, but where do we draw the line?

I can remember back when Bob Sagget was the host of America's Funniest Videos. Granted, he wasn't the best host in the world, and he didn't always make you laugh along with him, but it was definitely a show that I could have watched with my parents without blushing.

However, I cannot say that now.

I can't even watch this show with my children! It has turned into a miniature version of MTV's hit show that shows grown men inflicting pain on one another for laughs!

I cannot tell you how many times we have turned it on, watched a few minutes, and then had to change it for something off color. Or we've seen something that just simply wasn't funny, it was dangerous, or sad, or just disturbing! And take note, the show comes on ABC's Family Chanel.

Is God pleased with me when I choose to laugh at something that simply ISN'T worthy of my laughter?

I honestly feel that I spend a lot of time throughout my days trying to reverse character traits in my children that I ignorantly helped form in their early years.

We teach them to talk, right? We teach them words. We teach them that words are used to make sentences. But do we really stop and explain that those words and sentences are a gift from God to be used for what is right, what is true, and not for what is foolish?

I read an article in a publication that I receive from "No Greater Joy" Ministries back in the summer that talked about silly boys. It focused on how we are allowing our young men to get lost in their childhood rather than growing into their manhood by encouraging their immature behaviors. Especially us mamas who just relish in our little boy's cute antics.

I am on a mission to be just a tad bit more sober minded.

I would like to have children that can stand still or sit still when asked.

I would like to have children that are able to control their desire to pick at each other.

But I first must have children who have parents who are able to do the same.

growing

2009-01-20T15:51:00.000-08:00

This just happened about 10 minutes ago.

Ethan was sent into the kitchen to get me a bowl for me to use to brush my teeth here on the couch after dinner.

He couldn't reach, and asked his dad to help him.

His dad jokingly demanded, "Boy, you best hurry up and grow if you're gonna help out with your mom."

Ethan responded, "Geez...I only have 2 million ovaries!"

You see, we bought a book at Sams last week that has pictures and detailed descriptions of the body, complete with the purpose of all of our organs.

We saw a TV show that had a boy who was a dwarf on it and Ethan said," I know why he is a dwarf, his ovaries aren't working."

On the part where it explains the way we grow, it shows a picture of ovaries and explains that they release hormones that make girls grow. Ethan had skipped the whole girl part and didn't keep reading where it explained that boys have testes.

I thought this was worth writing about.

4 days with my new ACL...

2009-01-20T11:28:00.000-08:00

It is around 2:30, Greg is cleaning up the kitchen, Emma is whistling while she waits for her brother to help her get across the gate that is keeping the dog from attacking my stitched up leg, Ethan is standing at the gate questioning Emma as if he is in the CIA and has to do interrogation before allowing her into the hallway to retrieve her hairbrush.

I am currently icing my knee, and enjoying having the brace off for a few minutes.

I woke up late this morning, actually it was almost noon. Obama was minutes away from giving his acceptance speech when my eyes finally saw daylight.

I did not sleep at all night before last, and only enjoyed two short naps yesterday, so I'm assuming once I got settled in around 11 last night, my body was ready to be restored.

Yesterday when I did get up out of bed, I had an extremely hard time with walking. My leg wasn't cooperating and it was very frustrating even trying to get out of the bed to the bathroom.

I got discharged from the hospital Sunday afternoon and Greg and I made the trip from Princeton to Beckley with my leg awkwardly propped up on bags of hand-me-down clothes in the back of the mini-van. I was in quite a bit of pain, but we made it to the house and then the realization of climbing my front steps set in. It was snowing, and Greg had to shovel and clear off the sidewalk before getting me out of the van. However, it was so cold and so icy, Greg was extremely nervous about me getting out and getting into the house.

I stepped onto the sidewalk and immediately realized that my best bet was to "scoot", or slide myself towards the steps. It was a little unnerving not being steady on my feet under such slippery conditions, but we got to the bottom step and I begged Greg to let me go up by sliding up on my bottom. The physical therapist had mentioned using that as a last route in case steps were too daunting for me in the early days after surgery. He took my crutches, but then the thought of my hands and bottom on that icy cold brick caused me to attempt the climbing with my feet and crutches first. We stood there for what seemed like a good 2 or 3 minutes before I was able to muster up the courage to lift my good leg up off the ground. You lead with your good leg going up steps, you lead with the bad going down - this is what the therapist told me. Yeah, um, easier said than done.

The motivation of getting a warm shower overtook me and I was able to make it up the steps, through the door and into the bathroom. I got a shower and Greg got me onto the couch where I settled in for the evening.

I struggled with leg cramps and muscle spasms the rest of the evening. I couldn't rest or relax at all. Greg sat down beside me and decided we'd watch "Get Smart" with the Rock and Anne Hathaway...for anyone who has watched TV with Greg, you know that he shouts, laughs, and expresses himself very boisterously and isn't able to control his legs and arms as they jerk and flail around like an animal!!! So - I was quite annoyed and had to ask him to remove himself from my side and take a seat in the recliner away from me!

I was anxious to get in the bed in hopes that I would be able to be more comfortable there, but we tried several different pillow arrangements, only to find that comfort wasn't in the cards for me for a while.

I was awake all night and then slept for a few hours yesterday morning. When Greg lifted my leg yesterday and then placed my foot on the floor to try to walk, my breath was taken away by the amount of pressure I felt in my incision area. We had just removed the bandages and my scar was now visible. It is crooked...Greg finds this incredibly amusing! Yes, my permanent marking, the only tangible memento I will have to show everyone how I regained my ability to run, jump and frolic with a new ACL - it is crooked.

Moving on.

I was excited to finally welcome Ethan and Emma back home. They had been staying with my parents, and because Ethan had basketball practice, my parents were going to bring them home and stay with me while Greg took Ethan to practice.

Emma was extremely scared of my leg and the possibility of hurting me, by accident of course. Nevertheless, she wasn't feeling very good herself and was slow to actually come and sit with me. Finally, she came and curled up with me on the couch and it felt so good having them them home with me.

Today, I was able to get up and walk much easier. It is still a little uncomfortable and it isn't like I think I'm ready to just get on with my everyday life, but I was able to set down and get up off the couch by myself without Greg lifting my leg as if it were it's own entity.

I'm feeling much more independent and I'm not really feeling much pain, that is a good trade.

Emma and I are here on the couch now, Greg took Ethan to run errands.. We had quite a scare a few minutes ago. Emma said, "Uh, Mommy, I think my nose is bleeding." She was right, as she turned to me blood was making it's way down her nose and was all over her arm! Sitting on my light-colored creamy couch, I was trying to think quick!! I of course, could not get up and get to the bathroom in time to get a towel and catch it! So, we ruined her shirt by using it as a napkin. But we saved the couch and stopped the bleeding. First real emergency on our own, and we survived.

Thank you to all who have been praying for my recovery!

I am feeling good and I can't wait to get my rehab started next week!

Considering it as pure joy?

2009-01-18T16:51:00.000-08:00

Our Pastor Craig spoke about joy right before Christmas, he had these lists that just really stood out to me - the first is the rules that a pessimist lives by...hopefully, none of these will stand out to you!!

1. Make little things bother you: don't just let them, make them!

2. Lose your perspective of things, and keep it lost. Don't put first things first.

3. Get yourself a good worry - one about which you cannot do anything but worry.

4. Be a perfectionist: condemn yourself and others for not achieving perfection.

5. Be right, always right, perfectly right all the time. Be the only one who is right, and be rigid with your rightness.

6. Don't trust or believe people, or accept them at anything but their worst and weakest. Be suspicious. Impute ulterior motives to them.

7. Always compare yourself unfavorably to others, which is the guarantee of instant misery.

8. Take personally, with a chip on our shoulder, everything that happens to you that you don't like.

9. Don't give yourself wholeheartedly or enthusiastically to anyone or to anything.

10. Make happiness the aim of your life instead of bracing for life's barbs through a "bitter with the sweet" philosophy.

Use this prescription regularly for a while, and you will be guaranteed a life without joy.

Now - a dozen ways to celebrate joy...

1. Complete what you start.

2. Enlarge your interests.

3. Laugh a lot.

4. Express gratitude to a friend.

5. Be kind, thoughtful, and caring.

6. Read the Bible every day.

7. Accent the positive.

8. Tell a friend you love him/her.

9. Extend a helping hand.

10. Jot down, every morning, five reasons to be happy.

11. Overlook pettiness and jealousy.

12. Yield your life to God.

Joy Is The Gift That Comes Through Trial
James 1: 2-4

Craig was gracious enough to email me his notes from his sermon because I wasn't able to get all of it copied down the day he spoke on it.

One of his notes says, "Therefore, we should not complain when we are suffering under trials and hardships, rather we should take James' advice and count it as joy, because the challenge is an opportunity to trust Christ and to rely on Him and to trust him to guide us through the hardships of life."

WOW - that is hard to hear, but it is oh so true. We know it is true, we all have said or have heard, "What doesn't kill ya only makes ya stronger!"

But as Christians, we aren't asked to just survive the trials, we are asked to actually consider them as pure joy.

Now, I am not going to even insinuate that I have that life lesson mastered. But I will say, that I am challenged, as well as encouraged, by this scripture to do more than just suffer through the tough times.

It just so happens I am facing quite a trial as I am having to deal with immobility and almost complete physical dependence on Greg...next time you see my husband, ask him if I've been exceptionally joyful.

Staying ahead of the pain...

2009-01-18T01:57:00.000-08:00

Alrighty then, it is 5:00 am on Sunday morning.

Friday morning we arrived in Princeton around 10 after 8. They pointed us in the direction of "Day Surgery", and I took in my last few moments of being able to walk on my own as I eagerly awaited the time I could put on my trendy hospital gown.

We took our coats off in a small room with a curtain, and the nurse promptly brought me a purple gown of paper and some matching purple socks...
Just as she was instructing me for my wardrobe change, another nurse came in and whisked me away. Dr. Branson's first patient had cancelled, and although I wasn't scheduled for my surgery til later on, they were ready to get this show on the road! So, we went on into the surgery prep area where I finally got to slip into my purple attire and amuse the nurses as they came and went.

It is times like those that I truly enjoy being able to bring a smile to others when they are there to help and encourage me. I joked with them of how the incident occurred, my professional volleyball skills, the idea of going under and how I needed to make sure they gave me enough sleep aide because a doctor in the past assured me a woman of my size needs more medicine than the ol' average petite ladies of our day in time. (true story)

I was so grateful to have Greg by my side. He is a good man, and the Lord has definitely equipped him with knowledge on care taking through his mom's illness. I'm so thankful he is my husband.

They gave me, a littl' somethin' to take the edge off, and I waited for them to take me on back.

I don't remember how long I waited there, but then a guy carrying a cute blue hair cap started my way and I knew it was time. They wheeled me into surgery, had me scoot onto the table, and started strapping my arms down. The sweet nurse held my hand and wiped my gigantic tears as she encouraged me to find my happy place. Then I saw the oxygen mask come over my head and onto my face...

When I woke up in the recovery room, I started crying, and sometime between 8 and 10 yesterday morning I stopped. The pain was more than I had ever imagined. My body wasn't responding to the pain medicine like they said it should, and I honestly felt that I had made a huge mistake by choosing to have this operation.

They had me get up and walk, instructing me on how to use crutches, and when I got back in bed I just wanted lots of medication and a good night's rest. The procedure is typically outpatient, but the nurse suggested I stay at least one night due to the amount of pain I was experiencing.

Good idea nurse.

We got settled into our room that night and then I just spent my time longing for the next time the nurse would come in to give me relief thru m IV.

The doctor came in and assured me I was ready to spread my wings and fly. The Physical Therapists came in and assured me the same thing. They helped me do some walking, and even had me going up and down steps in preparation for my departure. I, however, didn't feel ready to go. I wasn't pushy, but I stuck my ground, and through a lot of prayers and a wonderful nursing staff vouching for me, they gave me the okay to stay through this morning.

I should be discharged sometime before noon.

My leg is swollen and it is really uncomfortable to have to lay flat on my back with my leg straight, but the vision of me and my family enjoying "activities" this coming summer and fall assure me I made the right decision.

Now that they have the medicine on a schedule, every 4 hrs, and I'm doing what they call, staying ahead of the pain, I feel so much better.

It reminds me of our walk with Christ. And how we can become so "holy" or so dependant on him during the trials, during the pain...He wants us to stay ahead of the pain by drawing close to him daily. If we can remind ourselves to work on our personal relationship with Christ through reading His word, prayer and worship...He will be our refuge through those trials, and we'll be better prepared to handle what is coming our way. I know what it felt like waiting for that relief to kick in, and that is what our lives can be like if we fail to be proactive in our walk with the Lord. So, challenge yourself to stay ahead of the difficult times you will surely face by "stocking up" on God's promises through the reading of His word.

I will start rehab in a week, I will be limited to walking ONLY with crutches for about 3 months, and then I should be able to start some light activity.

I'm thankful for all the prayers and support from all of my friends and family.

I'm excited to see the lessons God will teach me through this difficult time for me and those closest to me. I look forward to spending days schooling E n E in my bed, cross-stitching some goodies for my sister's baby she is carrying, and encouraging Greg's skills as a Chef!!

In other words...I'm gonna enjoy my downtime while enjoying eating pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

A farewell to my left knee as I now know it...

2009-01-15T20:58:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I can drink water for 1 more minute...

Well...that minute is up and now I have to do no gum, no water, no mints, not a drop of anything until after surgery tomorrow.

That is the easy part.

I figured since it is midnight and I am honestly still too nervous to settle in for the "night before ACL reconstructive surgery", I would write an ode to my ruptured ACL.

A farewell to all the good times we had, and a small glimpse of exciting dreams for the future I will have with a piece of my Patellar Tendon and 2 nice little screws that will now serve as my ACL.

Anterior Cruciate Ligament...Oh how you've served me, let me count the ways...

So, I wasn't exactly the most athletic youngster.

I can remember my oldest sister being quite the baller. That is she could actually make a shot when we would play CAT with the boys from church a couple times in the summer. My middle sister has come into her athletic ability later in life. She has managed to drop over 100 lbs doing Karate and Kickboxing...she has impressed me this last year with her determination.

As for me, the baby of the three Cadle (also commonly, yet incorrectly pronounced CATTLE) girls, I should have just stayed behind my guitar.

What I should not have done, is decide at age 28 I would become a full-fledged middle-aged athlete.

I played volleyball professionally for the Crescent Chipmunks in the 5th and 6th grades.

After that...well...I played once a year at the Sunday School picnic!

But this past year had been a more athletic year and on the evening of October 28th I was feeling sporty.

This past spring I joined the Y.

I played racquetball for the first time.

I never realized that I could have so much of an urge to urinate from laughing, that is until I played racquetball. I guess it is just funnier when you think you still have some coordination and a padded room, a blue ball, and a miniature racket prove you otherwise. Add this one to your bucket list...play racquetball with uncoordinated friend. Well worth your time, guaranteed.

I enjoyed working out at the YMCA. And although I have held a gym membership, at 3 different gyms over the last 4 years, I haven't always "exercised" my membership privileges. Such as, I don't know, actually going??

But this year was different. I was going 3 to 5 times a week. We weren't just doing the treadmill or weights, and I was thoroughly enjoying my attempt at becoming athletic.

I learned to swim in July. I started diving in August, I would say I learned to dive, but we'll have to wait and make sure I can do it again this summer before I state that is an actual, well, an actual thing that I can do on demand.

I started playing basketball with Ethan a lot more. I actually bought a bicycle, a purple one, and a silver helmet. The kids and I rode around. I rode down a gravel driveway, screaming the entire way down. It was quite fun.

So - bottom line is, I was feeling like I could take on the world. Or at least, some of my older friends....

About a month or so prior to the death of my ACL, we were at, yes you guessed it, a church picnic. We always had a volleyball net up at our outdoor church functions. I had brought our volleyball. We were just back from our Disney vacation and it was strangely warm for mid-September. I was thoroughly disappointed when I walked out and there wasn't a net. I don't know if it was the brat in me, or just the desire for that "athletic fix" I had been feeding off of all summer, but I wanted to play some ball!

So, I drove all the way out to the sporting goods store to buy a net. I came back to the church and made my poor husband, and other poor guys, beat wooden sticks into the ground to halfway put up a volleyball net.

I was happy.

Until we started playing. I wasn't as good as I remembered being when I was a Chipmunk. We only played for around 45 minutes. I had spent 2 hrs trying to get a net and get it up.

I left feeling such a void. I was so unsatisfied with my performance, and I couldn't wait to play again.

I organized a group of friends to get together to play that Thursday night after Ethan's football practice. We would play outside at the church, on my new net.

As we sat there watching Ethan practice, the inevitable happened. It started raining.

I was broken-hearted. I decided we'd head to the YMCA to play, we rounded everyone up and off we went for our first night of volleyball. Man, we had a blast!

We played 2, sometimes 3 nights a week for the next few weeks. Greg and I were having so much fun getting that little bit of healthy competition. And sure enough, week by week, my old skills were coming back. Now, was I GREAT?? No, I wasn't.

But...

Life, my dear friend, was better. I was sleeping better. I was eating better. I was living better...

I was better.

We started mixing some basketball into the plan. I wasn't good at that, but it was fun learning about the game. I felt a sense of accomplishment trying something different, after all, this had been my year of broadening my horizons.

That Tuesday night we had friends in from out of town. Friends that were athletic and good at basketball. We all gathered in the gym and started with some basketball. I was getting upset because I was so confused, and let's just be honest, I can shoot some basketball, but when people start PLAYING basketball. I should sit and watch. So, that's what I did.

Well, actually I sat and pouted.

So - they gave in and I actually got my way. It was time for volleyball.

I was serving first. Bam-Bam-Bam, it was a good night. My overhand had come back, and I was scoring some major points!!

My void....it was filled.

We rotated twice, I was on the front row beside my friend from out of town, we'll call her Macademian. She IS a basketball player. A girl from the back row screams, "Yeah Macademian, now you can spike it!!"

M says, "I cannot!!"

I say, "YES YOU CAN, IT IS AS EASY AS 1, 2, Together JUMP!!!!

My fingertips go about 2 inches higher than the net...

I come down...

I am down.

I am stunned. No pain. Just stunned. My leg feels really strange. I push my heel out. I hear a loud pop and it starts shaking. Everyone thinks what you would think if you knew me and were there that night. I was joking.

When I wasn't getting up, they realized, maybe she isn't joking.

They started to gather around me.

I sat up stretching my leg and bending my knee. Something felt strange.

I hobbled over to a seat and assured everyone to carry on, joking with M, "That is how you DON'T spike a ball!"

Then it was there. More than ever. Digging at me. Calling my name.

The void.

I wanted to play. I didn't care that I had just made a complete idiot of myself, I'm kinda used to that. I wanted to play some BALL!!!!!!! I got up and went to the middle of the court. Everyone said sit down. The ball came to my right side and I bumped it, good bump I thought. I'm okay. It came back to me, on my left. I shifted my weight to the left and that's when I felt it. Or shall I say I should have felt something...but I didn't.

Void, this time not just in my gut from wanting to play some ball, but inside my knee...nothing - it was void.

My husband and friends helped me to the van. X-rays the next day, MRI the next week, 2 1/2 months later and I'm preparing to go under the knife so that in a year from now I can try to fill that void.

You see, when you're 28 and you've "let yourself go", and you just had started finding ways to be healthier, feel healthier, and look healthier....a torn ACL is more than an injury - it's a blanket of refreshing, clear H20 being sprayed on a burning desire for change.

I am going to be a tough girl.

I will rehab my knee so that I can ride my purple bike with E n E in a few months. So that I can take them swimming and try that dive again.

So that in a year from now...

I can play volleyball like an almost 30 something who knows what it is like to be forced to be inactive, instead of choosing it.

Again, I'm just writing to appreciate...

Warning: Reading this may change your plans for this very evening

2009-01-13T13:15:00.000-08:00

My sister forwarded this to me the other day...

A few years after I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small Texas town.

From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on.

As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors: Mom taught me good from evil, and Dad taught me to obey. But the stranger...he was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries and comedies. If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future!

He took my family to the first major league ball game. He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The stranger never stopped Talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind. Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to the kitchen for peace and quiet. I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.

Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt obligated to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home... Not from us, our friends or any visitors. Our longtime visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush. My Dad didn't permit the liberal use of alcohol. But the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly and pipes distinguished. He talked freely, much too freely! about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing. I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by the stranger.

Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked... And NEVER asked to leave. More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first. Still, if you could walk into my parents' den today, you would still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures.

His name?....

We just call him TV.' Note: This should be required reading for every household in America!

He has a wife now....We call her 'Computer.

4 green walls called a school room

2009-01-12T12:10:00.000-08:00

Ethan is eight years old.

The child started reading right around the time he turned 6 years old. His wonderful Kindergarten teacher taught him to read. It is a good thing I wasn't a homeschooling weirdo at that time. The boy may still not be reading.

He is reading, however, and he is an awesome reader!!! I didn't quite realize his talent until around the end of Kindergarten. We were turning books in at his school and the other children were turning in books that Ethan had read and turned in months prior. His teacher explained that Ethan was one of the best readers she had ever taught! He caught on easily and excelled effortlessly.

He walked into his doctor's office and shocked the nurse as he read "antibiotics" as if it were "ant". He shocked me as he read "cardiovascular and digestion" in my doctor's office. He obviously didn't have to put much effort into excelling at his reading skills. I don't know if you noticed, but the English language doesn't always phonetically make sense! However, Ethan could take a couple tries and figure it out. His spelling is the same way. He remembers rules and could easily spell most words we would verbally throw at him for our at-home spelling bees.

Am I bragging about my genious child?

Nope...I'm questioning his laziness enduced by his ability.

Although he has this ability, he chooses to not exercise it. You would think that homeschooling would be easy if your child is only 8 and can read as well as you can!!

Thus the reason I love homeschooling!!!

Is it important that Ethan can read? yes

But to us Bucklands, it is more important that he realizes education is a gift that shouldn't be taken for granted.

I love homeschooling, even when he is testing me with silliness, because I get to remind him that God expects his best.

I don't want Ethan to go through his education thinking that he is learning to do math or to do grammar because education will get him where he wants to go. I want Ethan to learn that faith in the Lord will get him where he needs to go. Education is a blessing and a tool that God is giving him to help him carry out God's plan in his life.

I enjoy Ethan. I am learning as he learns. I am learning that on the days we sit in this school room(made up of 4 green walls), as we are now, and we spend sometimes an entire hour on a worksheet that should take 15 minutes, his character is being exercised along with his phonics skills.

And in the end, my patience is being exercised as well!